Dorian Montoir
August 30, 2020 4:32 AM
Not over yet by Dorian Montoir
Dorian was not exactly an infrequent visitor to Professor Brooding-Hawthorne’s office, or to the potions room. He hung back after classes, and he came by fairly often outside of that. It had always been the case, but this tendency was only increasing as the term went on. Even if it was just for a few minutes - a chance to check in after class, just to say ‘hi’ and get a quick hug, although this often evolved into making a plan for the next time he would come to see her properly.Today was more of a proper meeting, in that he had arranged to come by and spend time with Professor Brooding-Hawthorne. He didn’t always come up with pretexts for their meetings. He had the kind of familiarity where he didn’t have to have a reason to want to see her, although this time he had an interesting book to show her. It was an illustrated herbarium of Chinese medicinal ingredients. It was entirely in Chinese, which would slow her down but he thought the illustrations would help and that she might find it interesting. He supposed he also had a slight ulterior motive in that his Mama had sent it, and to Dorian the sharing of books was an act of love. It was therefore a way of showing Professor Brooding-Hawthorne that things were becoming mended, and perhaps encouraging her to think gentle, appreciative thoughts back in the other direction. Could you really think someone was thoroughly dreadful when they gave you access to beautiful, illustrated books, even via proxy?
He also had letters in his bag. He wasn’t sure whether he was here to discuss or to avoid them. He was there to see her, because soon that wouldn’t be an option that was available every single day. That was true of a lot of people right now, and some of them were being more forthcoming than others in letting him talk about that, and work out what it was going to look like.
“I just wanted to come say hi,” he stated, as he stepped into the office and into the waiting hug. He suspected they both knew that wasn’t totally true. It wasn’t ‘just’ any more. It was taking advantage of all the opportunities that were left. They still had a few weeks though. This didn’t have to be anything except a normal, nice cup of tea. “I brought you that book I mentioned,” he added, having dropped it into the conversation after class a couple of days prior. He slid it out of his bag, holding it out to her, so that she could take it and peruse it, or put it to one side for later, and peruse him instead if she wanted.
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Dorian Montoir
Not over yet
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Mary Brooding-Hawthorne
August 30, 2020 12:45 PM
I don't know if I can let go. by Mary Brooding-Hawthorne
"Hi," Mary obliged, grinning as Dorian gave her a hug. He'd been much smaller at one point and somehow, she'd gone from feeling like she was giving a hug to feeling like she was getting one. "Ooh, thank you!" she cooed, accepting the book gently. She knew it meant a lot to him, even if it was from his mother (she couldn't help leaning a little on Jean-Loup's side on that front), and she didn't want to risk damaging it. She opened it carefully, flipping through some of the pages as she led them to the chairs where they usually had tea and conversation. "This is beautiful," she smiled, clutching the book to her chest before setting it down on the bookshelf she could reach from her chair. "Tabitha is going to have to be on bedtime duty for a bit, I'll be reading that all night I think," she laughed.She took a moment, as she often did, to just look at her boy. He was almost all grown up now, and soon he'd be gone. She would never presume to say it was a motherly feeling that made her chest feel wrapped in Devil's Snare when she thought of that, but it was certainly more than a professor missing her student. Dorian was going to be gone and she would hope everyday that he was even half as happy as he deserved to be. That, however, was not a conversation she suspected Dorian wanted to linger on, and she let his happy tone guide the conversation to something lighter.
Waving her wand, Mary smiled at a house elf who appeared with a crack. "Good afternoon. We'd like tea and such please. Whatever he'd like," she added, gesturing at Dorian to make his request. Mary didn't have close to the sort of stash that would please him, so they usually resorted to requests to the kitchen. "And hot chocolate for me," she added when Dorian was done. She thanked the elf as it disappeared. "I feel so bad. I am not good with names and there are so many elves that I can't keep them straight," she frowned.
She cocked her head at Dorian, unable to help herself as she scrutinised him a bit more overtly. "How are you doing, love?" she asked softly. Her dress today was crushed red velvet - it was probably one of the last days this school year she'd get to wear it if the weather kept warming up - and she wondered if it made her look as much like a sad, wilting rose as she felt sometimes when she remembered how little time she had left with Dorian at school. At the same time, she was very happy for him, so perhaps she could be a happy blooming rose.
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Mary Brooding-Hawthorne
I don't know if I can let go.
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Dorian Montoir
August 31, 2020 5:55 AM
You don't have to yet by Dorian Montoir
Dorian smiled as Professor Brooding-Hawthorne took the book, promising to look through and appreciate it. He wanted to start pointing out all his favourite facts, seeing as she couldn’t discover them herself, or to offer to make notes for her on it - but there wasn’t time. He would have to study for his exams, and let her flick through it by herself, and he would have to be content with that, and with trusting that there might be time to do it properly at some other point. He had to believe in things like that, otherwise he started to cry.“I’ll have the same,” he smiled, when Professor Brooding-Hawthorne ordered hot chocolate from the elf. He always had a ready supply of tea in his bag, and he was able to conjure water at a range of different temperatures to make the perfect brew. Sometimes it was nice not to have to, ro be looked after by someone else instead, and he had to admit that for someone who took no interest in drinking tea, Jean-Loup took a great deal of care in knowing different temperatures and brewing times, and was also aware of Dorian’s habits regarding which tea he was most likely to want at each time of day. He didn’t think the elves could handle his tea preferences very well, but they did make excellent hot chocolate, and it would be companionable to sip the same thing as Professor Brooding-Hawthorne.
He settled into his usual chair, trying not to wonder who else sat here, or who else would take his place once he was gone. He considered her question. Every day seemed to be a mixture of emotions right now. There was the precipice of the future. He felt a little like he was watching other people run at it, ready and excited to leap off into the unknown. He had always been more of the type to edge closer step by step, and to avoid leaping at all if he could. He knew that he could not, but he didn’t have to face that possibility just yet. And taking advantage of every opportunity to be with his friends was a positive. He was filling his days with sunshine, and on the one hand that meant so many things were pleasant right now. It was just always tinged with the acute awareness that at some point, the summer would end. Or, in the non-metaphorical world, it would begin. Either way, the season would change, and everything along with it.
“Busy,” he stated, taking the easy answer. “I have revision and the fair, and my social life to maintain. But it’s all colour-coded,” he promised, “You’re a vibrant green with pale yellow writing,” he informed her with a smile. “How are you?”
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Dorian Montoir
You don't have to yet
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Mary Brooding-Hawthorne
September 03, 2020 12:52 PM
But I will have to later? by Mary Brooding-Hawthorne
Mary smiled some when Dorian also asked for hot chocolate, but it grew into a laugh when Dorian said he'd color-coded her. "Vibrant green and pale yellow," she repeated with a smile. She had a dress like that; perhaps she'd wear it Dorian's last day of classes. "Busy as well," she said, her smile turning distinctly more tired. "Talk of internships and travel and plans for fall and all those fun things," she expanded. "I always feel like I should change my curriculum up, but then I'm not sure what to change it to and I end up keeping it mostly the same," she admitted. "I was making plans for one thing that I wanted to run past you though."Standing up, Mary was at her desk, rifling through drawers when the elf popped back, placed the hot chocolate on the table in front of Dorian, and disappeared again. "Aha!" Mary exclaimed happily when she found the paper she'd been searching for. Returning to her seat, she passed it to Dorian and sat back, waiting for her hot chocolate to cool.
The paper was covered in rainbows that shimmered and moved about the page, and swirling writing that read 'P R I D E' across the center, with details like date and location, as well as some of the biggest performances, underneath that. "I haven't been to Pride in a long time," she admitted. "But I was thinking of going this year, and I thought it would be fun to go with you and Jean-Loup." Tabitha, she suspected, we be less interested in the event, although she'd likely go if Mary really wanted her to. In any case, this particular Pride was in Greece, which meant that Tabitha had the chance instead to stay with the Merlinoses during that time, a chance which Tabitha rarely turned down even when they cohabitated for months at a time. "You can be as over the top or as subtle as you want," she promised, aware that what her idea of fun was - as someone known for their elaborate gowns, oversized hats, and once floor-length hair - was probably different than Dorian's or Jean-Loup's. She practically squeaked with excitement. "I hope you can make it," she grinned. It would be the first sort of thing they could do as peers and Mary adored the festivities. "I can cover travel and food and such, and you can stay at the hotel again if you'd like. Don't let any of that stop you, just let me know if you'd be interested or not.
And it's okay if you're not," she added.
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Mary Brooding-Hawthorne
But I will have to later?
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Dorian Montoir
September 04, 2020 7:19 AM
Not entirely by Dorian Montoir
Professor Brooding-Hawthorne wanted to run some lesson plans past him? Dorian was intrigued, though he supposed he had the perspective of being a student. He felt warm and fuzzy at the thought she trusted him with this. Looking back, he could recognise this as a change in himself. He was sure that he would have felt sure at some stage that he didn’t have anything to offer on that front. He wasn’t assuming he was any better equipped than anyone else here, but he was willing to assume that his opinion was worth seeking out if Professor Brooding-Hawthorne wanted one. It also helped his confidence in this plan that she had decided to seek it, and she didn’t get things wrong.The folder she presented him, however, was something quite different. It appeared to be more related to the travel plans than the curriculum ones. He was, by now, familiar with the symbolism of rainbows, and the idea of ‘Pride’ had come up occasionally in his conversations with both Professor Brooding-Hawthorne and Ness. He knew it was something he was meant to want to go to, and that it was very gay, but he still wasn’t entirely sure what it was. There was parading, and flags were important.
He looked at the poster she had given him. It listed a strange mixture of events, including performances and competitions and talks… All kinds of things where about half the words registered and made sense. He felt like he was on the verge of knowing what these things meant, but he still didn’t know enough to comfortably imagine himself going to this and knowing what to do. Of course, he wouldn’t have to do it alone. He would have someone holding his hand and guiding him through it, the way she had everything else. That alone, the promise that that type of involvement in his life was not about to be cut off, made him want to agree.
“I think I would like that,” he stated, “What would it be like? What things would we do?” he asked. And he knew that the answer was probably whatever he wanted and that he could choose. That was nice in theory, but he hoped she would give him a few more concrete things to go off.
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Dorian Montoir
Not entirely
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Mary Brooding-Hawthorne
September 07, 2020 7:48 PM
Oh good!! by Mary Brooding-Hawthorne
Mary beamed, thrilled that Dorian was interested; now that he'd said so himself, she didn't mind expressing her excitement so much. "Ooh, I'm so glad!" she cooed. "There's a lot of different people who go with a lot of different comfort zones. So there are some people who dress up a lot in very colorful costumes, sometimes very revealing costumes, and really embrace their sexuality there. Other people use it more as an opportunity to hang out, so they'll dress like they would normally and just enjoy the music or the shows and stuff. There are some really amazing displays, people have come up with some incredible magic for these things. I'll probably dress up," she added in case he felt like he needed permission to do the same. Truth be told, she couldn't quite imagine either him or Jean-Loup dressing up like she intended to. "There are usually a lot of booths and vendors set up too, so you can go shopping if you want, or you can play some of the games. They have like . . . almost like carnival games? But mostly for adults. And there's a lot of music and funny shows."She'd been to Pride in several countries and states and they were all sort of the same but all so different just the same. That was one of the beauties of Pride; so many people of so many walks of life came that they all looked a lot more diverse than a regular day in the life in that city would. She did hope she could convince Tabitha to come. There was something really fun and exciting about making out in public and there were few places quite as exciting to do so as one where bystanders were likely to applaud.
"I think one thing that was hard for me to wrap my head around at first was that Pride is one side, one sort of extreme side, of what it means to be queer," she said, thinking hard as she remembered her first Pride experience. It was a lot to take in for anyone. "You don't have to be that way all the time - or ever - if you're not comfortable. I think it's good to just dive in sometimes but it's okay if it's also not your favorite thing to just dress up and be a little wild. It's a party, a celebration, and it's meant to be a little more than every day life."
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Mary Brooding-Hawthorne
Oh good!!
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Dorian Montoir
September 13, 2020 2:15 AM
*links pinkie fingers* by Dorian Montoir
Dorian was very glad that the idea of different comfort zones was mentioned before the words 'revealing costumes' and 'sexuality.' He wasn't totally sure what the difference between 'sexuality' and 'sexiness' was. He had thought that the former was the fact he was into boys, whilst the latter was something he had absolutely zero of, but the way Professor Brooding-Hawthorne was talking about it, it seemed more like the latter."Colourful sounds nice," he commented, long lashes shielding his eyes as he peered down into his mug of hot chocolate, retreating ever so slightly into himself. Not by a lot. He was still smiling at the thought of the overall thing, but he wasn't really sure he could embrace something he didn't have, and he hoped there wasn't too much of that.
Hanging out, dressed more or less normally, and watching music and shows sounded good. He imagined them all spread out on a picnic rug listening to a concert. It was a safe, familiar image. The phrase 'like a family' came to mind, only with more rainbows, and being allowed to hold his boyfriend's hand. That was a more comfortable image to him than a party too. Parties were often about keeping yourself in check and minding your manners. He supposed they were also about showing off. So, if that followed true for every kind of party, this involved showing off about being gay, whatever that looked like.
"Seeing music and shows sounds nice," he agreed. He had always liked that. "All of it sounds nice, that's just the easiest bit to get my head around," he added.
He glanced down at the flyer again, noting that it stated 'Many events free!' which was reassuring. He wasn't exactly sure what state his future finances were going to be in, but at least he could go and join in with some of this.
"What's been your favourite thing, at one of the ones you've been to before?" he asked, wanting as much of an idea as he could get of what it was going to be like.
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Dorian Montoir
*links pinkie fingers*
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Mary Brooding-Hawthorne
September 15, 2020 9:16 AM
I thought that said *licks* and I was worried. by Mary Brooding-Hawthorne
Dorian was a thinker and Mary found that it was the sort of trait that made her want to use Legilimency. She was an accomplished Legilimens, as Dorian may have known from the Defense Against the Dark Arts class she'd helped Tabitha with - was he in that one? Mary couldn't remember - but not a good Occlumens and the last thing she wanted was to impose such things on other people. Her Occlumency had gotten better over the years, thanks entirely to Tabitha's insistence that Mary be sailer, but still. Legilimency off the table, Mary just smiled and waited for Dorian to do what he needed to do to process what he needed to process.She nodded when he explained that he was trying to get his head around things. Colorful and music and shows were nice though and that was the majority of what Pride was in many ways. The experience of Pride and the event of Pride could be very different and the experience would be something Dorian would have to make for himself when he got there. The event was the part she wanted him to feel comfortable with so he would be interested in seeking that experience, and it sounded like that's the part he was good with, so that was good.
Her mind turned sharply to a number of things she wasn't going to tell him about from her younger days when he asked about her favorite Pride experience and she blushed a little, keeping her mouth shut to avoid stammering as she tried to think of something else. "I like dressing up," she admitted. "And I like the lights and things. There's always a lot on display--" wasn't that the truth "--and I love seeing people get to participate however they are comfortable. It's like a little glimpse into a more authentic corner of the world." She nodded at the flyer in his hands though. "I also really like Seven Dragons' music though, and I hear they're performing this year," she added with a grin.
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Mary Brooding-Hawthorne
I thought that said *licks* and I was worried.
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Dorian Montoir
October 01, 2020 2:41 AM
Well, that too. by Dorian Montoir
Dorian glanced down at the flyer again, wondering what kind of music a band called 'Seven Dragons' played. He doubted it was waltzes. Not that he had grown up exclusively on those, there had also been show tunes, and he liked those. A few of the Muggle songs he'd been exposed to at the concert and the ball drifted through his head. He liked songs with words. He liked the whole idea of this."I don't know where I will be during summer," he admitted. Professor Brooding had mentioned travel arrangements, but he wasn't sure if she meant just helping him get from the hotel to the... Pride. She had taken him to Greece before, for her wedding, but that had been a little different. It was a lot to put on her, and it seemed rude to assume she even meant that, and he was about to be being supposed to be maybe sort of an adult.
"It sounds kind of crazy to say that maybe running away to Greece is the sensible option, but it is. It's..." he searched for less dramatic words than suggesting he knew he would have a place to sleep and food to eat and not be in danger from poverty or other people. "Easy," he settled on a word that covered the practical arrangements whilst belying the emotion involved. Because if it had been easy and uncomplicated in all respects then he wouldn't be in this dilemma now. "It feels far away," he admitted. "It's nice to go there, but feeling like I am more than visiting... Maybe it's stupid. It's not like I talk to my friends in real time in the summer anyway. We write. But I think about how they aren't even waking up or eating dinner at anything even close to the same time as me. At Christmas, I knew I would at least be coming back here afterwards," he explained. He felt bad admitting any kind of negative feeling about Greece, which had been so many wonderful things to him. It had been an adventure, an escape, a wonderful moment like something out of a fairytale... But he trusted Professor Brooding-Hawthorne to understand. He was not saying anything against Greece. "It's special to me," and he wanted it to stay that way. And it worked when it was those little pockets of brightness. But it wasn't home.
He sipped his hot chocolate, trying to think light thoughts, trying to stay happy and excited about all the things they were going to do. And he was. There was a whole bright future of times with Professor Brooding-Hawthorne and his friends. But it was hard to see them as real when they were anchored in nothingness. It was hard to be excited about going away when you weren't sure where you would be coming back to.
"I'm not sure where I'm going next," he admitted.
13
Dorian Montoir
Well, that too.
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