Feeling like a failure on Labyrinth Gardens

Jennifer Zucchero

March 10, 2006 2:06 AM

Feeling like a failure by Jennifer Zucchero

Winter is probably one of the prettiest times of the year in Arizona, Jennifer decided as she meandered through the Labyrinth Gardens. Well, she amended quickly, Winter is probably one of the prettiest times of the year at Sonora. She may not have spent much time in other parts of the state, but she wasn’t naïve enough to think that all Arizona was like this, pretty and white.

It had been snowing earlier, but it wasn’t that cold, not for someone who had dealt with multiple European winters. She hadn’t even bothered to pull on a cloak. Upon further reflection (once she had been outside for about ten minutes) she had concluded that had probably been a mistake, but she was too lazy to go back and get one now.

The garden had become her new favorite place to just go and think about things. The library was pleasant, usually, but she sometimes felt like she was invading someone else’s territory. It was a ridiculous notion, but one that nonetheless wouldn’t go away.

Her other main option for sitting around and doing nothing was the Crotalus common room, but that didn’t really work either. Every time she went in there, she would automatically go to the notice board, and her mood, no matter what it had been before she had entered, would always plummet. The best way to make someone feel like a failure, she had concluded a few weeks early, was give them some reward or responsibility that they didn’t think they would be able to handle, and then have it completely fall apart. She had, at best, a five person team. That was not good. That was not good at all. And she had a feeling, deep down, that it was all her fault somehow.

Jennifer had always thought that it had been a mistake for Coach Cooper to make her captain. She was too shy, too quiet, and nowhere near assertive enough. She had never actually complained, or requested a change in captaincy, but she had also never stopped carrying that seed of doubt. And over the past few months it had grown into a fully-fledged ego-destroying monster.

Aladren has a full team. Aladren! she thought angrily to herself as she found one of the benches and swept the snow aside so she could sit down. The non-athletic house has more people than we do. And we’re the house with the majority of the purebloods in it. We should have people that have been playing all their lives waiting desperately to sign up. But no, of course not. That would be too easy. That stupid WAIL won’t have to do anything to keep the Crotalus girls out of the air. They seem to be able to do that all on their own. It’s just not fair! With a sigh, she sat on the now-clear bench and stared forlornly at the ground, not even bothering to look up when she heard snow crunching under another person’s shoes.
\n\n

0 Jennifer Zucchero Feeling like a failure 48 Jennifer Zucchero 1 5

Stephen Baxter

March 10, 2006 6:04 AM

awww.. cheer up by Stephen Baxter

For some reason, it just hadn't really been possible for Stephen to escape onto the gardens and make his way undetected towards where the fort had been last year, but now that midterm had swung around and because he'd 'decided' to stick around this year (he wasn't entirely happy about it, but his mother had written him a letter saying that Alan had some kind of disease and that Stephen was to stay at school as it was contagious) he had treked down, through the gardens trying to find the stream and the spot it had been in. But there hadn't been any sign.

He went back and forth, frown growing as it remained elusive until he spotted a ragged piece of wood sticking out of the snow, and squatted down to investigate. It definitely looked familiar. A thorough inspection of the area revealed other pieces, and then the tree... but the stream was completely gone. He had wandered to the spot it must have been and jumped around, then tried digging down through the snow, but there wasn't a sign it had ever existed. It must have been destroyed by the combination of everything that had happened last year. With a last look at the little that still showed of the wreakage, Stephen sighed and trudged back towards the school.

On his way back, he passed Jen sitting on a bench, and looking miserable. And down. Stephen looked down too, but could only see her shoes partially under the snow. She didn't even look up when he walked closer, so, with a little of his usual good cheer returning to his features, Stephen threw himself at her feet and looked up from somewhere in the vicinity of her shoes.

"Hey Jen, you look like you could do with some special oatmeal."\n\n

39 Stephen Baxter awww.. cheer up 49 Stephen Baxter 0 5

Jennifer

March 10, 2006 1:40 PM

What's there to be cheerful about? by Jennifer

Jennifer jumped a little, and nearly toppled over, as Stephen Baxter appeared and spontaneously decided that the ground by her feet wouldbe a good place to stop. She hadn't talked to him in a while, for one reason or another. As she bit back a giggle, she made a mental note
to rectify that. He was exceptionally good at making almost everysituation funny, and Merlin knew more often than not she needed agood laugh.

"Oatmeal?" she asked, a bit confused for a second. Than she recalledjust how she and Stephen had met, and rolled her eyes at him. "Now? It's almost time for dinner. Oatmeal is a morning food. And why do you think I need special oatmeal? I'm fine. Really."

The last two sentences were said somewhat half-heartedly, and with no conviction whatsoever. Despite the moment of amusement, she was still obviously upset. Everything about her screamed it, from her voice, to her posture, to the disheartened look in her eyes. She just didn't care enough right now to try to act convincing. It didn't matter.

She sighed, and drew her feet up from near her companion, muttering a quick apology as she accidentally kicked him in the leg, and brought them up to her chest. Wrapping her arms around them, she looked down at the boy she had always believed to be slightly insane. She had a feeling he probably had no desire to hear her complain about her problems with her house team, and she certainly wasn't going to force him to sit through that.

She patted the place on the bench next to her while she continued. "Please, Stephen, get up. The whole sitting at my feet thing is a wee bit awkward, and you're probably going to freeze. Merlin, I'm going to freeze just watching you." She shivered involuntarily. Apparently her immunity to the cold hadn't been quite as strong as she had thought.

Searching for some topic, she decided on the letters that had come in a few days ago, the other topic she was unpleased about. "So, what do you think of the whole WAIL thing? Personally, I think it's completely ridiculous. Honestly, we're not in the dark ages anymore. Well, some of us, at least," she finished, more huffily than she intended. One of the reasons she had opted to not go England for Christmas this year was because she didn't want to deal with her mother and the matchmaking that was bound to occur, because Pureblood girls obviously were't intelligent enough to pick their own future husbands. She was also very afraid of what would happen if this organization got in contact with her mother. It seemed like just the sort of archaic thing she and her cronies would love to dedicate their time and energy to. \n\n

0 Jennifer What's there to be cheerful about? 0 Jennifer 0 5

Stephen

March 11, 2006 2:22 AM

Hmm... Christmas? by Stephen

"So this would be a bad time to suggest making snow angels?" Stephen replied cheekily, even as he climbed back to his feet and then shook himself before using his hands to brush most of what snow was still clinging to him off. He plunked down on the bench next to her, on the spot Jen had indicated, then noticed a stray bit of snow still on his shoulder and brushed it off at her.

"That WAIL thing? Dunno, really. I mean, it's weird. I don't see why playing a fun game like Quidditch is going to make girls like other girls. That's just weird. I mean... well, we've got Liz on our team - and I don't think she likes girls like that. And you don't, now do you Jenny," he grinned at her. "Don't think Sorrel does either. She tends to not like girls much at all..." he trailed off, frowning as he recalled the beginning of term. Sorrel and Ash had both been totally out of line with the way they talked to Ty. He looked away from Jen, out over the snow covered grounds. "What made those people think it did make girls like girls anyhow? Do you know?"\n\n

39 Stephen Hmm... Christmas? 0 Stephen 0 5

Jennifer

March 13, 2006 12:46 PM

Christmas is generally good by Jennifer

"You may make snow angels if you feel you must," Jennifer replied, valiantly resisting the urge to roll her eyes again. Some of the more motherly at the various embassies had always told her it would give her some kind of nervous twitch, which she severely doubted was true, but it did get a bit repetitive after a while. Pity there were so few responses to express that the eye-rollee was getting a bit outrageous. "Just please attempt not to do it at my feet. The similarities to groveling would make me feel like one of the second years from my house." She grinned a little at the last statement. She knew it was beyond rude, and bad Pureblood etiquette to be joking about inter-house difficulties, but that didn't matter, really.

Stephen seemed to grow reserved as he mentioned Sorrel. Jennifer didn't really know either of the twins very well, only through classes and the quidditch game in first year, but she knew that they and Stephen were very good friends. She was torn between asking him whether he wanted to talk about it, or ignoring it, since he might not want to discuss it. She settled for patting him on the shoulder consolingly, and then answering his last questions.

"I really don't know why people think quidditch makes girls like other girls either. I mean, one would think, if there was any sort of immorality, that it would be between the girls and the guys. That's one of the reasons a lot of Pureblood mothers don't like their daughters to play, from what I've heard. Besides the fact that it's just too violent, and girls are too weak and defenseless. It's all completely illogical, but it seems to work, at least in Crotalus. It's probably the reason we only have a five person team," she finished bitterly, then wincing as she realized what she had unwittingly let out.

She hadn't meant to bring that up, and if she had, she would certainly have tried to not sound so angry. There were reasons she hadn't talked about this with anyone, not even Liz or Chrissy. Anger wasn't an emotion people normally associated with shy, wallflower Jennifer, and the sadness that usually came unbidden with this one, and the tears, were things that she didn't let anyone else see. Trying to ensure that none came now, she rubbed her eyes rapidly, taking advantage of Stephen's gaze at the ground. \n\n

0 Jennifer Christmas is generally good 0 Jennifer 0 5

Stephen

April 01, 2006 7:31 AM

lets hope that this post goes better than my last by Stephen

Stephen sat there quietly, still looking away even when Jen patted his shoulder. He wasn't enjoying the situation with the twins the least, but he wasn't sure that he really wanted to talk about it either. He didn't even listen carefully to what Jen was saying next, as he didn't want to hear any platitudes, or anything she had to say about Sorrel and Ash. The twins... tended to rub alot of people the wrong way through being boisterous and all that, and he didn't know if they'd had a encounter like that with Jen and if they had, he didn't want to hear anything about it. Not now.

So, it came as a surprise when her tone of voice suddenly jarred and caught his attention, and he sat there for another moment, trying to piece together what she'd actually been saying, before the point got through.

"Five?" he asked, startled, looking back up at her again and noticing with some discomfort that she was still in the process of wiping her eyes. Man, she was... crying. Stephen's expression froze for a second, as his brain went into overdrive. Surely Alan had mentioned what to do when a girl starts to cry. Surely he'd said something.

Anything?

When nothing else came to mind, he gingerly he reached up and mirrored her earlier gesture of comfort, awkwardly patting her on the shoulder, and looking around to see if anyone was looking. If he were crying - not that he cried, because he didn't - then he wouldn't like anyone to see. And although she was a girl... would it really be any different?

"Er... Jen? Five... serious? I mean... it can't be that bad, really, can it? The tournament should be starting when school starts back up again. Can you even play if you don't have a full team?" He glanced at her again, suddenly struck by the idea that what he was saying might make her even more upset. "Sorry. I just... Come on," he climbed to his feet and held a hand out to help her similarly to her feet. "Do you reckon you," he gestured a little uncertainly at her face, "are ok to head back inside?"\n\n

39 Stephen lets hope that this post goes better than my last 0 Stephen 0 5