Xavier Lundstrom
May 19, 2023 8:06 PM
Don't say it (Henry) by Xavier Lundstrom
Xavier remembered realising that things had gone wrong. Exams were coming. He was still excluded from some classes. Everything was a mess, and the Xanax wasn't kicking in and giving him that easy, blank tranquility it had before. Maybe because of his increased stress, or because he'd gotten used to the effect, or because he'd messed around multiplying the pills and that had reduced their strength. He didn't know. All he knew was that when the first one didn't kick in, it had felt like a good idea to take a few more. He remembered the moment when he had realised it hadn't been. It was like his brain and his body were in different places - his mind was giving ideas, simple familiar ones, like 'walk forward' and his limbs had rebelled in confusion, not knowing what he meant.
Then it had all gone black.
Now he was awake again. But the time in between had not been quiet. Images had swirled through his mind. Ghastly, ghostly, black and white. They contradicted each other. This moment was a turning point, and the many possible futures that resulted spiralled through his sleeping mind. Some of them were horrific. Scarier, in fact, than the present reality. Scary enough that he might actually find the motivation to dig in and make some real changes.
Some of them had revolved around this moment… There were multiple ways that this could go, and it depended who walked through that door.
His family had been into see him. There had been tears and concern and guilt, which made him feel like an even worse human being. He’d had to talk to Professor Skies, and the mental health person, and even his assurances that this had been an accident didn’t magic away all the problems it was now very evident he had…
Problems that might make Oz not want him any more.
If Oz would just come and let him explain, it would all be okay. He’d Seen it. Oz would let Xav sob on his chest and would hold him. But if he sent Henry instead… Each time the door handle turned, he held his breath. He had heard the footsteps in the corridor and knew they weren’t Oz’s. Still, he let himself believe, right up until the moment the door opened.
He’d specified that he only wanted to see Oz, trying to keep the other version of the conversation away from his door. But apparently, someone didn’t know the difference. Either literally, or they took someone bringing a message for Oz to count…
His face couldn’t have been any more terrified if a slathering manticore had walked in, finding him undefended.
“No.” He shook his head before Henry had even had a chance to speak. Things he’d Seen were fixed? Bull. He’d Seen him and Oz, happily ever after, and if Henry opened his mouth, that wasn’t going to happen. But if Xavier interrupted, spoke over him—stopped him saying what he’d come here to say, maybe it could still be different. “Don’t say it,” he begged. “Don’t! It’s not right. It’s not how it goes! Oz and I are meant to be together. I can make him happy—properly happy. I’ve Seen it. Just tell him to come here and talk to me. Please. This isn’t how it’s meant to be. I can make it all better, and I will, but I need him.”
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Xavier Lundstrom
Don't say it (Henry)
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