Don't mess this up... (Tag Val) on Library

Oz Spellman

September 21, 2022 3:56 PM

Don't mess this up... (Tag Val) by Oz Spellman

Over the holidays, Oz had got one question answered - namely 'Is Henry gonna be grossed out by what I'm doing?' The answer to that was 'no' which was definitely a relief, because Oz was pretty sure he couldn't give up what he'd started with Xav, but nor could he have pursued something that meant Henry would stop liking him. That had been about all he'd had the bandwidth to deal with over the holidays. He hadn't wanted to drag the mood down with a bunch of serious talks with mom, and he wasn't sure what he would tell her at this stage anyway. He was just making out with someone, and mom was... well, his mom. It was probably gross for her to have to hear about that.

Now he was back at school though, and as usual, he found himself wishing he had talked to her more while he had the chance. She'd been pretty cool when he'd fake suggested that Henry might be gay, and she seemed to know about stuff, but again... She was his mom. He didn't want to hear about what she had done or thought or felt when she was his age, and he was pretty sure the ick and embarrassment went both ways.

Unfortunately, the only people at school who knew anything were all weirdly in Teppenpaw, and also connected to Philippe via the cafe, so he was pretty sure they'd been warned that he was super unfriendly and to be avoided at all costs. It was another argument against him being bisexual because if he was an actual proper bisexual wouldn't he be able to talk to people like that without automatically annoying them? And yet, he couldn't.

He was meeting Henry in the library to do homework, which meant arriving early enough to check out the book he was supposed to have read a week ago in order to prep for the assignment. As he walked in, he passed the table where Valentine Duel was sitting, and heard a 'Hi.'

He did a double take, checking around him for who else Val might be speaking to, but it appeared to be him. So, she wasn't not speaking to him? Philippe hadn't put out a warning against him?

"Hi," he said, swallowing his confusion and sounding like he just expected Val to want to talk to him. Now to actually talk to her without messing it up. "Hey, so what's the difference between being bisexual and just bored?" he asked, sounding for all the world like there was a "hilarious" punchline just waiting to follow that.

OOC: Val considering the fact of anyone walking past her table as grounds to say 'hi' approved by her author.

13 Oz Spellman Don't mess this up... (Tag Val) 1514 1 5

Valentine Duell

September 22, 2022 5:49 PM

I'm not sure you're off to the best of starts by Valentine Duell

Valentine was doing her absolute best to work on her charms assignments. Well, that was what she'd like to be able to say as she sat by herself at the library table, staring at her book without actually seeing it. There was just too much 'other stuff' whirring through her head, she couldn't focus. She needed Bonabelle here. Despite the minor amount of distraction that her girlfriend could provide, the Aladren always managed to keep her on task. Now she was just adrift with her thoughts with no solid focus.

No matter how hard she tried to do the work in front of her, or even put some time into the next gaming adventure plan, she kept coming back to Wally. He was great, but as much as she wanted it, she now wasn't sure that he should be anything more than a friend. It was mostly her fault, she just wasn't quite connecting with him right. But, she also got the sense from him that he wasn't entirely sure about the whole 'your girlfriend also has a girlfriend' aspect to the relationship. Bonabelle didn't seem to pay him to much mind either way. That wasn't really what she wanted either. What did she want?

Passing Charms would be a good start. Then all of the other classes as well. Val smiled at those thoughts, Bonabelle had put them there and it was nice to think that Bonabelle was trying to help her focus on studying even when she had other things to do. As for her non-academic desires... well, she wanted a boyfriend that share a bond of love just as she and Bonabelle did. But she also wanted more than that, she wanted her boyfriend and Bonabelle to share the same type of bond as well. Then they could all be happy together without any weirdness. She sighed contentedly at the though, even though she knew it was doomed to never come true.

Bonabelle wasn't a super people person, Val knew this pretty well. She and other folk just didn't seem to get along very well which seemed odd. Bonabelle was a wonderful person. But they would also need to find a polyamourous guy that they both liked that would like them both in return. She and Bonabelle were a bit different personality-wise, which worked out okay for them, but to find someone who would like them both? The next sigh was one of hopeless disappointment. Well, the world was a big place. Maybe after graduation? Who knew what the future held? Well... Aunt Giselle did somewhat. Val was just reluctantly certain that it most likely probably didn't involve Wally, and that made her worried and sad. She'd already been through this once with an O'Malley and she didn't really want to do it again, or put Wally through it. But what other choice did she have? It would be worse to not say anything.

She wanted someone to talk to, Ness hadn't quite been the right person at the wedding. Evelyn would have been wonderful, but it would have been an awkward time and place for such a discussion. She could send Evelyn a letter, but it wasn't a letter type of conversation. Elly would have been a good one, but she had graduated already. Phillipe? Maybe.

Someone passed by her table at the library and she reflexively said "Hi!" as they did so. There really wasn't anyone she didn't want to be friendly to... since Jeremy had graduated. Even in that case, she wouldn't have been overtly rude, just maybe not have noticed his passing as she would have been studying quite intently. The person turned out to be Oz. Not someone she regularly spent time with, and those she had hadn't ever seemed to have gone very well. He continued talking, and this seemed to be heading in the direction of another fine example.

Her own preferences were pretty far from unknown around the school, and people knowing didn't bother her. It was who she was, why shouldn't they know who she was? Her first thought was that Oz's 'question' was yet another one of his 'jokes' at her expense. A brief flash of anger burned in her gaze at him. However, Valentine had heard a thing or two around the school, and as those things came into her mind, she paused a moment. This might not be about her. Now that she thought it, it seemed like the most basic thing. How self-centered would you have to be to assume everything is always about yourself? This was Oz, and this was his way of communicating. She wondered how many of their other interactions had gone awry because she hadn't seen this before? He seemed like he wanted to talk, and talking was good. Especially when you were having some difficult times, she could relate.

Valentine's expression melted into something much more friendly, "I have some ideas, but tell me what you think." She gestured toward one of the other chairs at the table. "Feel free to sit if you like, I'm not making much progress on Charms anyway."

2 Valentine Duell I'm not sure you're off to the best of starts 1490 0 5

Oz Spellman

September 23, 2022 1:09 AM

Yeah, I kind of suck by Oz Spellman

Oz could easily recognise the look of someone he'd annoyed - he saw it often enough. That was the look on Valentine's face, and he was split seconds away from yelling 'Just kidding' and running off when she softened up and invited him to sit and share his thoughts.

Oh heck no.

That was way worse and way scarier than her being mad at him. He knew mad. He'd seen it and dealt with it a lot (you either got in a fight or avoided the person for the rest of time). He'd also already assumed he was dead to all Teppenpaws until about five seconds ago, so he wouldn't really have had to deal with any new feelings or lost anything. Sharing what he thought though... His thoughts fell into two categories - a) private and b) stupid. Only mom, Henry and Xavier could be exposed to the trash fire that was the inside of his head, and only then in limited amounts.

"I dunno," he said, leaning on the back of the chair she'd offered. "That's why I asked. Xavier says I don't get this stuff," he added, inspiration striking. "And it matters to him, so I wanna understand it. To be a better friend." There. That is established the very not bi, friend-related reasons that he wanted to know. He was trying to like... be a better person and stuff. He wondered if Val would believe that was possible.

13 Oz Spellman Yeah, I kind of suck 1514 0 5

Valentine Duell

September 26, 2022 6:21 PM

That's not true by Valentine Duell

Oz wanted to know more to be a better friend. That was a good and perfectly rational reason to want to know more. Valentine Duell approved of these reasonings. However, she was also something of a nexus of stories and happenings about the school, not to mention also one of the more insightful students. As such she was somewhere around ninety-five percent certain that, while those were good and probably true reasons, they were not the main ones driving Oz at the moment. The way he leaned against the chair, neither committing nor fleeing from the discussion. His opening comment, easy enough for him to throw aside as yet another of his 'jokes' if it didn't go in a direction he wanted it to. Even his reasoning was half-committed, it just screamed that he wanted more... but didn't want to look like he wanted more.

Val's heart went out to him as he attempted to navigate what might be quite a different situation than he perhaps expected to find himself in. This somehow reminder her vaguely of a conversation she had had with Evelyn quite a few years ago in this very library... except it was vastly different at the same time.

He seemed to want to play this 'cool' and 'casual'. If that made him the most comfortable, that was fine, she could attempt that as well. So in response she gave a little shrug, "To be honest I can really only help you with half of that I think." She gave him a slight smirk, "I'm bisexual and can tell you some things about that. However," she paused just a moment for dramatic effect, "I haven't been bored for a while now, so you'll have to get your information on that topic from someone else." Val threw in a lighthearted giggle at the comment.

"As for being a bisexual," Val made sure she repeated the word again, just to help normalize it a bit more. "It's not really complicated. I'm attracted to boys and girls, well certain ones anyway. For me at least the physical form, while it can be nice to look at," she waggled her eyebrows suggestively at him with another slight giggle, "Isn't the most important part, it's much more of who they actually are as a person and what sort of relationship can be built." She wondered if that was the 'problem' with Wally. There just didn't seem to be a good, solid, mutual relationship there.

"Was there anything in particular that Xavier thinks you don't get?" That question seemed safe enough to her, he could ask things from Xavier's point of view, or his own and blame them on Xavier if he wanted to. It didn't really matter to her, but sometimes that extra layer made things easier.

2 Valentine Duell That's not true 1490 0 5

Oz Spellman

September 28, 2022 5:20 AM

I do with words and boys by Oz Spellman

Oz knew he had mentioned the word first but he really wished Val would stop saying bisexual so much. It was the library. It was quiet. It was easy for people to overhear them. They knew what they were talking about without saying the word a bunch.

“So…” he said, trying to parse what she’d said. “If you want to get married and stuff, it’s… y’know. Like, if you want to marry a guy or a girl you’re… properly bisexual,” he said, keeping his voice low. “But if you’re just looking or just fooling around that’s not?

“I dunno,” he shrugged, when she asked if there was anything in particular Xavier thought he didn’t get. It was probably shorter to give a list of things Xavier thought he did get. Number one – don’t call people ‘gay’ even/especially if they are. Number two – don’t suggest it’s stuff like using chapstick that means they’re gay. End of list. All other thoughts and remarks still remained to be road tested but were probably wrong. “It’s more like most times I open my mouth, something stupid comes out. And it’s not just him, it’s basically a fact. I tried to talk to Philippe, and I got a lecture on my word choice there too. Like, who manages to annoy a Teppenpaw?”

13 Oz Spellman I do with words and boys 1514 0 5

Valentine Duell

October 16, 2022 3:23 PM

Both can be tricky by Valentine Duell

Val listened patiently as Oz seemed to be trying to vocalize his thoughts. That was a hard enough process sometimes, she knew it hadn't always gone great for her in the past. There had been that time in Tumbleweed where she had tried to talk to Lavender about this sort of thing as well. It hadn't worked out quite as well as Val would have liked. She really didn't want this conversation to go the same way. From what she had heard and put together, Oz had a vastly different upbringing that she had, so she did her best to balance her expression somewhere between her normal 'encouraging, friendly smile' and Oz's 'yeah, sure, whatever' type of attitude. It was a bit tricky.

While it was true that they were in the library, she was pretty sure that wasn't why Oz was keeping his voice low. If that made him more comfortable, she was fine with following suit. She did give him a small shrug of the shoulders to start, "It doesn't have to be," Val began in a mirrored quiet tone, and wondered to herself what exactly Oz had all clumped into the 'fooling around' category. "I think it would be wonderful to marry the right boy and girl. That does usually begin with looking and from there..." she let the word draw out a bit and gave him a wink. Then she promptly giggled lightly, and apologized in a mock stern type voice, "Sorry, as a dutifully appointed prefect, I'm not sure I'm allowed to encourage such behavior." Then she waved her hand dismissively at her comment. "Anyway, it's really up to each person to define for themselves what they want and like. You can't decide for anyone else, and they can't decide for you." That really wasn't super helpful advice. "Sometimes people just need time to figure out who they are and what they want. Sometimes experimentation is the only way to find that out, but good communication is always a key factor."

That rolled rather nicely into Oz's next item of business. She chuckled softly at his comment about annoying Teppenpaws. "Oh, it can be done, but it usually does take some work and special skill." Since apparently Philippe had already 'lectured' him a bit so she didn't want to go that route any more than she thought she had to. "As for the words that you use, I usually find that the easiest thing to do is to look at the situation from their perspective. If you and Xavier were in each other's shoes, how would you want him to talk to you, to treat you?" She paused a moment before continuing to let him consider it for a moment. "It's really mostly about respect and being nice to folks, and especially your friends."

Val cringed inwardly a bit, that had come out more 'lecturey' that she'd wanted. So she attempted to lighten things a bit with a much more casual comment, "It's just like anything else you learn about, you get more info, adapt and grow. The main thing is how you use what you learn."

2 Valentine Duell Both can be tricky 1490 0 5

Oz Spellman

October 17, 2022 4:48 AM

And one of them can be really appealing by Oz Spellman

Val was definitely weird. She was making a face at him, he was pretty sure. But then, she was ‘popular’ so maybe this was normal girl behaviour? Girls were confusing. He guessed she was kind of pretty too, but he definitely didn’t rate his chances at surviving a full conversation without getting slapped. Except he was… pretty sure she was joking now? He offered a smile that was small enough to be brushed away if it wasn’t supposed to be there.

It was up to people to decide what they wanted and liked, and no one else could decide for them. Okay, that all sounded familiar and mom-ish enough. But like… it wasn’t so much about what he liked. He tried not think about locking the door to the fourth year dorm, or all the skating they didn’t get done any more when they went to the MARS room… He knew that if he thought about that too much, he’d start feeling it all over his skin like prickly, sweaty heat, and he felt like it would just be obvious to anyone looking at him that he was thinking something dirty. He couldn’t really deny, even to himself, that he liked fooling around with Xavier. It was just the ‘fooling around’ versus ‘with Xavier’ part that was still really confusing.

But apparently, whatever was going on, he was supposed to ‘communicate’ about it, which meant he was doomed.

“Yeah, it’s almost like I’ve got super powers,” he said, actually managing to crack a smile when she pointed out how hard it was to annoy Teppenpaws.

If he was in Xavier’s shoes, how would he want him to treat him? Or vice versa. If Xavier was him, he’d want to be cut some slack. He’d realise that it was exhausting having everyone treat you like the bad guy when all you were doing was just talking. But what would he-being-Xavier want? He didn’t know. He couldn’t mind read him or work out the rules, and that was why it was such a constant effort. If Xavier was him, he’d also realise how often he took things for granted about having money and a nice house and a good school. Sometimes, he’d just say things like they were normal, or true for everyone, and not even realise he was doing it. And Oz never called him out or snapped at him, at least not most of the time, because it meant pointing out he was poor in a way that Xavier hadn’t even considered existed, and who wanted to make people realise that? None of that helped him know how not to annoy Xavier though—it just made him more frustrated.

“I do respect him,” he frowned. He wasn’t about to say ‘I’m nice’ because that sounded like a girl or a five year old, but… sometimes he was? Like, he wasn’t going to be all feelingsy about everything but obviously he wasn’t a jerk to his best friend.

The last bit of what Val said hit a slightly more optimistic note.

“So… if I mess up but then I don’t do the same thing again, it’s okay?” he asked.

13 Oz Spellman And one of them can be really appealing 1514 0 5

Valentine Duell

October 18, 2022 3:32 PM

Should I ask which? by Valentine Duell

Valentine could almost see the gears churning away in Oz's head. She had no idea what thoughts were working in there, but they were working, and that was good. This time she didn't attempt to disguise the encouraging smile on her face. If there was one Pecari trait that she noticed in some of the folks in the house was the ability to act without a lot of thinking. Oz was here talking and thinking, and for that alone she was proud of him. She wasn't entirely sure if the thought would be taken as a compliment or not, so for now she didn't mention it.

There was a hint of frustration in his tone and expression as he finished his musings and assured her that he respected Xavier. "It's a hard mental exercise, isn't it?" She gave him a mildly apologetic look. "That is one of the reasons that communication is important. How can you see things from his point of view if you don't know what that point of view looks like? It works the same the other direction as well." From her experience Oz was not one to talk seriously about himself.

"It is okay," she responded a bit slowly while she thought. It was okay and that was the goal, but there was something more to it. There was the matter of why the mess up was a problem. Knowing why would let you know better, and perhaps avoid related mess ups in the future, but… Sometimes why was a lot trickier, sometimes they didn't want to share that information, sometimes they might not know. "This is again where communication and understanding are important. Maybe learning what not to do is enough, but if he wants to share anything else about it, listen well and hopefully it will help you cultivate that point of view for his perspective."

"Is this helping" she inquired with a hopeful smile, "Or am I just rambling on?"

2 Valentine Duell Should I ask which? 1490 0 5

Oz Spellman

October 18, 2022 3:52 PM

I think we both know I'm more actions than words by Oz Spellman

Valentine was doing a lot of talking. It sounded a lot like the things teachers said, most of which was great in theory, but which left you with no better idea how to do it in practice, and which you had no guarantees of other people attempting either. It was also a long way from answering his actual question of 'Is what I'm doing bisexual or do I just find it hard to turn down fun?' To be fair to Val though, he hadn't asked that out loud and had burried it under multiple other side topics and vaguely related things.

"You sound smart and Teppenpawish," he said, offering her a wide grin that said she shouldn't take either as an insult, but equally that she may not have solved all his problems. He wasn't sure how well her theories applied to him and Xavier. Whilst Xav was more sensitive than he was, Oz still didn't think he wanted to sit and talk about feelings for hours. They fell out fast, and made up fast, and most of the rest of the time they skated (or now...whatever). He didn't think Val could teach him more about his friendship in five minutes than he had worked out for himself in four years. She just knew about bi stuff and what it meant and maybe how not to say stupid stuff about that. But the first of those, he'd got as close as he was comfortable to asking, and the latter was probably too long to have a simple answer. He would just have to try and see. And, if he learnt from that, then according to her, he wasn't a bad person.

"And it didn't end with you in a huff or slapping me, so I'll call it a win. Thanks."

13 Oz Spellman I think we both know I'm more actions than words 1514 0 5