Ema Skies
November 25, 2020 11:16 PM
Wrong number by Ema Skies
“Killian?” Ema called out as her head stopped spinning but her vision didn’t. The room swam in and out of focus through a blur of floo dizziness and tears. “Kil, are you there?” she asked, her bad day carrying through in the way she asked the question.
She blinked, bringing the room into focus. It wasn’t Killian’s. When she’d stuck her head in the fireplace, the name ‘Killian Row’ got buried under a bit of a sniffle, but with his extension number, it should surely have been clear enough and… and she had said his number, right? Not her mom’s? It wasn’t like she hadn’t learnt Killian’s off by heart too, but Mom’s was way more automatic.
But this wasn’t her mom’s room either. Had she somehow blurred them together? Oops. In some ways, it was rather lucky she had processed the fact that it wasn’t her boyfriend’s room before a very pretty lady stepped into the frame. On the other, Killian was allowed to have fully dressed women in his room of an evening, so even if it had been the right place, it should not have mattered. As it was, Ema was clearly the one intruding.
“Oh gosh. I’m sorry,” she stated. “I’m so sorry. I was looking for Killian Row, Sonora Academy. That’s a person,” she added, realising he sounded awfully like a street address. “I mean, the first part’s a person and… They always say you shouldn’t floo when you’re not speaking clearly,” she grimaced, “I’m sorry – how badly did I miss?”
13
Ema Skies
Wrong number
0
Ema Skies
1
5
Katey Willow
December 06, 2020 5:25 PM
Shall I take a message? by Katey Willow
Katey - fortunately stable today - was buzzing about in her usual Katey way when she heard the fire in the fireplace roar up, a swirling flame forming into a face. The crackling logs swelled, then muted themselves, their audio replaced by a voice calling out. But it wasn’t Katey for whom it called: “Killian? Kil, are you there?”Pausing her busy bee ways, the medic approached the flame to see what exactly was going on, who was calling. Despite the floo network blending the woman with the fires, there was some vague familiarity to her appearance. Did Katey know her? She wasn’t sure.
Either way, she didn’t seem to know Katey, or at least, she was too overtaken by her now-obvious error, as Katey came into view, to analyze the face beyond “not Killian”.
The woman babbled some apologies, but Katey raised a hand to politely dismiss them. “Not a problem,” she answered. “You got close - you’re at Sonora, but you’ve got the wrong fireplace. I’m Katey Willow, Sonora’s medic.” It only now occurred to her how vaguely similar their names were, her and Killian. Two syllable first names beginning with a K, and the “O” sound in the surname. If the woman hadn’t been especially clear, it made sense that the floo had misdirected her.
“I can let Killian know to call you back, if you’d like. What’s your name?” Katey asked. “I feel like maybe I should know the answer, actually,” she added. “You look familiar - have we met?”
12
Katey Willow
Shall I take a message?
1505
0
5
Ema Skies
December 07, 2020 6:52 AM
Oh, um, you don't have to by Ema Skies
"Oh, yes - I should have recognised you," Ema stated apologetically, though she stopped short of actually apologising again. "I was a little disoriented," she added, that neatly covering both the fact that her head had just been spinning around and her surprise at not finding herself where she expected. Add to that all the reasons why she was sticking her head in the floo whilst in tears, and she thought you got a pretty fair explanation of why her recognition game was not at its finest. All neatly filed under 'disoriented.'Had Katey just asked about taking a message, it would have been easy enough. She could have asked her to let him know Ema called, as out loud her name was anonymous enough. Or she could request he called his girlfriend although she didn’t know how open Killian was being about that, and she didn’t want to bring unwanted attention to the subject. Except Katey then followed up with pointing out that she recognised Ema. Something Ema had far too casually admitted to herself, during the ‘not thinking’ phase of this conversation. And that brought into glaring focus the fact that sticking her head into Katey’s fireplace had been an even bigger mistake than she’d initially realised, as both of her identities, in relation to the staff of Sonora, were potentially on the table in this one conversation.
The possibility of just belatedly shouting ‘wrong fireplace’ or ‘bad connection’ and just yanking her head out of the fire floated in very vaguest form through her mind – it occurred to her as a way that someone else might get themselves out of this situation. But she could barely bring herself to be rude to people who were actually being pushy, or whose attentions/products/whatever she genuinely did not want. This person was being nothing but nice to her, and Ema couldn’t bring herself to be rude in return. Thus she would end up martyring herself to politeness.
“I don’t know if we met, officially. I’m sure I saw you at the staff barbecue,” she stated hesitantly. She wondered if she could leave it there, and let Katey (incorrectly) conclude that she had been there with Killian. She wondered whether Katey had noticed him making passes at Charlie on that occasion though, and why it bothered her so much to think that this stranger she’d never met might end up pitying her over a complete misconception. There was also the fact that she was pretty sure she had seen Katey talking to her mother, and that left very little chance that she hadn’t been pointed out. “I’m Ema,” she supplied, still hovering between the indecision of whether she should be Selina’s daughter or Killian’s girlfriend.
13
Ema Skies
Oh, um, you don't have to
0
Ema Skies
0
5
Katey Willow
December 13, 2020 5:42 AM
Oh, but I want to! by Katey Willow
Interestingly, the revelation of their connection only inspired more questions in Katey’s head. So it was the staff barbeque where she had seen her? Well, since she was decidedly not a Sonora staff member, that limited her options quite a bit. When Ema said her name, Katey felt a flash of recognition, but took a second to parse the information fully. She had not spoken to Ema at the event, as far as she could recall, but someone had definitely pointed her out. Her first thought - the obvious one - was Killian, but it wasn’t him, because Katey had been somewhat trying to avoid him. Was it…. Selina?It was Selina, she was certain now. Ema was Selina’s daughter. So, why was she calling for Killian? Katey knew he had started seeing someone over the summer, but… was it her? Had Killian really gone and hooked up with their boss’s daughter? She certainly hoped not. Katey admired Selina a great deal and looked to her as something of the maternal figure lacking in her life, but if she was right about Ema, then she worried things could somehow end up weird, especially since there was no way on earth she was going to like someone who was Killian’s girlfriend.
“Right! You’re Selina’s daughter!” she smiled to let Ema know that she was onto her. “Well, I’m not sure what you need Killian for, but I don’t think he’s in his office tonight. I think he said he had some appointments with some seventh years about college applications,” Katey lied, hoping to get some more information to support or - ideally - refute her assumptions. “But I really don’t mind relaying a message.”
12
Katey Willow
Oh, but I want to!
1505
0
5
Ema Skies
December 13, 2020 7:02 PM
That's kind of you by Ema Skies
Rumbled. It was word that Ema rarely used but which, she supposed, fit rather well the teenagerishness of sneaking about behind her mother's back. And of being all kinds of can't-eat, can't-sleep obsessed with a guy."Yes," she agreed easily. After all, there was no sense pretending otherwise.
Katey seemed more perplexed than anything by the fact Ema was calling for Killian. She supposed that meant he hadn't put it about that he was seeing someone, which she supposed made sense. He had said he kept fairly private, after all, and until they had told her mother, it made sense not to open up a topic that could invite awkward questions.
"I suppose, in a sense, I'm after career advice," she stalled, giving enough of a wry grin that it was clear this was a joke and not a lie, or a real attempt at dodging the question. The trouble with the knut not immediately dropping for Katey was that it left Ema deciding how much to make Killian's life his colleague's business. She also did not particularly want Katey to mention this to Selina but saying so would definitely make it obvious there was something to hide. Was it a bigger risk to leave Katey unaware, and have the possibility that she would say something by accident but have a far smaller cat to let out of the bag in that case (namely only that Ema had called), or to give her enough information to know exactly what she ought to be keeping a secret, and have to trust that she would? Ema tended to believe that most people were good but it was a risk either way, and mostly she wished she had never stuck her head in this fireplace.
"Killian and I have been getting to know each other," she answered honestly, "And he's a good listener when you're having a bad day." All of that was true, even if it wasn't the whole truth.
"I can try him again later, but I guess if you see him, you can let him know I called? But please don't go out of your way or anything," she stated, torn between wanting not to inconvenience a stranger and very, very much wanting to make sure Killian called her soon. And that was it. A logical end to their conversation, with Ema not knowing how likely Katey was to talk to Killian, or to her mother. "Do you see much of him? Or my mom?" she asked, playing for time, and trying to figure out a little bit more about the situation.
13
Ema Skies
That's kind of you
0
Ema Skies
0
5
Killian Row
January 01, 2021 9:46 PM
Right number.
by Killian Row
Co-written With: Ema Skies
This time, when Ema’s head stopped spinning, it was a familiar room that swam into view. She hadn’t called straight back after her conversation with Katey, feeling that her head could only take so much literal spinning, especially when it was doing so much figuratively. Plus, she hadn’t wanted to risk being interrupted by the meeting that was scheduled. So, she had let that go ahead, chewing over the letter more whilst she waited. It hadn’t done anything to improve her nerves over the whole situation, and she’d let herself have another cry about it, but that was done, and her voice was steadier and her face didn’t betray so much of her emotion as it appeared in Killian’s fireplace.
“Hello?” she called out, “Anybody home?” She really hoped the answer was ‘yes’ and ‘just one.’ Given her luck for the day, her mother would be sitting on Killian’s couch right now or something.
Killian was definitely not making a card tower out of the business cards he’d received from people who didn’t care enough about young people to make an internship placement worth it. Okay, so some of them weren’t really that bad, but he didn’t have enough business cards from crappy people to make a really proper tower so he’d supplemented with some of the ones from people who just hadn’t returned his owls for a long time. It was going pretty well until he heard a familiar voice and about jumped out of his skin, slamming his knee into the bottom of the table and knocking the pile over. He swore as his knee throbbed, glanced up at the door as if a student were about to barge in and tell him off for his language, and then left his table for the living room, where the fireplace featured his favorite face.
“Hey you,” he smiled, although the expression changed into one of concern as he registered her expression and voice. “Are you alright? I didn’t expect to hear from you. I’m happy to hear from you,” he clarified quickly. “Just wasn’t expecting it.” He didn’t have to ask to make sure he hadn’t been supposed to expect it because Killian was not the sort to forget an appointment. He simply wouldn’t have been able to do so; living in the eye of a workplace hurricane, he’d became well acquainted with his deskpad calendar, his wall calendar, his sticky note reminders, and various other tools for making sure he never missed anything because he had forgotten. He knelt by the fireplace, wishing very much he could get closer yet, although he also suspected he would have given Ema the distance she maybe wanted then too, and cocked his head at his girlfriend.
“Hey,” she stated, smiling slightly with the relief of seeing him, although obviously it wasn’t enough to completely mask her current emotions. Given that he also had the clue of her unusual timing, he twigged pretty quickly that something was wrong. She was torn between hating the fact that she was making him worry, and a slight sense of relief that he could figure it out without her having to actively be the one to burst his bubble. And, at the same time, now that she was actually being asked after, all of her concerns suddenly seemed small and silly - it wasn’t like the world was ending, and she didn’t want to disproportionately worry him, but nor did she want him to think it was fine and… emotions were hard. “Having kind of a weird day,” she admitted, deciding that established that there were some serious things that were going to be discussed without sounding too terribly ominous. “Though first I feel I should tell you that I tried to call you a couple of hours ago, but I wasn’t speaking clearly and I ended up in your colleague Katey’s fireplace,” she admitted with a grimace, “She seems nice,” she added, a little weakly, not wanting to think her facial expressions were anything to do with Katey herself. “But… well, she recognised me from the barbecue, as in recognised me as my mom’s daughter but I was in her fireplace asking for you. I wasn’t exactly sure what to tell her in terms of us or not mentioning it to my mom. She mentioned being friends with both of you,” she added, feeling like perhaps she owed some explanation of why she’d felt caught in the middle and failed to deal with the situation like an adult. “I’m sorry,” she stated.
Killian nodded, quickly deciding that ‘weird day’ was a euphemism because weird days happened all the time to Ema, he suspected, and weren’t usually reason to call him with an emotional expression on. He felt bad for feeling good that she would call him when something might be wrong, and then mostly just felt bad because something was maybe wrong. He disclaimed to himself that nothing might be wrong at all, but he was confident enough in his abilities to read people that he suspected something was indeed wrong, and he couldn’t help bracing himself.
He blinked, surprised that Ema and Katey had now met. That . . . wasn’t exactly a thing he would’ve intended to go the way it sounded like it had, although he wasn’t sure how he would have intended it otherwise actually. “She is nice,” he agreed, a bit hesitantly. Katey was not, he knew, in a good place emotionally. That was not Ema’s business but between what he knew of her relationship history and what he knew of her possible interest in him, he couldn’t help worrying a little. “We’re friends,” he agreed, running a hand through his hair and considering. Part of him wanted to follow up with Katey and part of him wanted almost nothing less than to follow up with Katey. “She asked me to get dinner with her earlier in the term,” he admitted. “I said I was seeing someone - I guess I sort of stretched the truth, sorry - so we’ve not been as close since.” It was not exactly the way he wanted to fill Ema in on this sort of thing but it was suddenly relevant and he didn’t want to be hiding it from her either. People were allowed to ask him out, of course, and he was allowed to turn them down or not. “Mary, the potions professor, told me that she’d heard I had a girlfriend from Katey, but I think she’s usually more discreet than that, so I’m not too worried that she’d tell Selina or anything like that. I went to school with Mary’s wife,” he added with a smile, wanting to be clear where his fondness for another colleague came from.
Ema blinked. That was a lot of information to take in during a very brief space of time, especially as she had just seen Katey as ‘nice’ and mostly been worried about Katey revealing something unintentionally. Apparently she actually had given Killian something to worry about, more than just the base level of concern she had expected over someone other than her mother finding out first.
“I’m sorry,” she stated, further concern creasing her already worried face. The information about Katey asking him out… She didn’t feel great about that, but she had to say she felt pretty good to hear that it had happened and he’d said ‘no.’ She just wasn’t really sure what to think about someone who liked Killian that way being in such close proximity every day whilst she was so far away. Actually, she sort of knew exactly how to feel about that, and it was vulnerable and scared and crappy, and she found she was following a fresh lump in her throat as she thought about it, but she was also aware that a lot of that wasn’t Killian’s fault.
In retrospect, he realized, he maybe should have told Ema about the situation with Katey before. It didn’t seem like the thing to do; it wasn’t as if he expected her to tell him every time anyone ever made a pass at her, although she could if she wanted to. He wondered whether it would be different since he worked with Katey.
It was not something that particularly worried him though, as he had an Ema and that was what mattered, so a reassuring smile found its way onto his face. “Don’t be sorry, it’s alright. Do you want to tell me about your weird day?”
22
Killian Row
Right number.
1450
0
6
Ema Skies
Ema Skies
January 01, 2021 9:52 PM
Right decision
by Ema Skies
Co-written With: Killian Row
“Yeah,” she nodded, because she very much did want that, she just needed a moment to gather her thoughts, especially given all the new layers that had suddenly come into this conversation. Part of her wanted to apologise some more, but he had drawn a line under it and was focusing on what was bothering her, so she tried to as well. “Well, I was having kind of a bad day to start with. I ran into a friend of my ex’s. Neither of them are bad people, in and of themselves, it just brought back a lot of things I didn’t really want to be thinking about,” she explained. She hadn’t really planned to start there, she hadn’t even been sure if she planned to bring that part of things up at all, because the letter was what Killian could actually help with, but she was starting to feel like that was just more weird and stressful than upsetting, and that perhaps some context on her mindset and why she kept seeming like she might burst into tears would be helpful. “And then when I got to work, I got this letter… I got a letter from… from some relative of yours,” she stated, trying to remember who had been whose aunt or uncle, and what relative of theirs that made Killian, “saying your mom had recommended me for a job and… And that’s nice of her and everything, but it is way, way out of my league and something I am not even remotely qualified for and just… what on earth did you tell her about me?” she asked, looking clearly anxious.
Killian wasn’t sure if his explanation of things surrounding Katey were the reason that Ema opened up some about her ex but he was happy that that was the case if so. Communication, they had already agreed, was paramount to this working, and he really liked the idea of it working. He was also not one to be jealous, and his eyebrows pulled together more in sympathy and worry than anything else. He didn’t know enough about Ema’s previous relationships to say anything more than that one of them had done her some real harm, and he sort of wanted to hex that person for it. There wasn’t much he could say other than to acknowledge that such run-ins were weird and terrible at times, so he nodded as she spoke. The gesture stopped as he pulled his head back in surprise at the news of the letter.
He closed his eyes for a moment and put a hand up, trying to encourage words to come out but finding he had none. When he opened his eyes again, he’d put most of the anger aside. “Wait wait, my mother recommended you for a job? You’re sure?” he confirmed, dropping the more affectionate terms for his mother he might have normally used. Distinct memories that he had tried very hard to blur out swam back into his mind and he swallowed them like acid in the back of his throat. He thought hard, trying to think who might have sent Ema a letter for a job. Since it obviously wasn’t Lorcan, that left only a few other odd cousins, aunts, and uncles. He took a breath. His anger had never once ever done him any good and he swallowed that too. “Ema, I’m so sorry. For all the good she does - and she does a lot - my mother also has a habit of . . . interfering.” He sighed again and rubbed his face. “I’m so sorry. You shouldn’t have to deal with that. I didn’t tell her anything that wasn’t true though,” he added lamely, quickly summarising his understanding of Ema’s job and some key personality points that he’d brought up with his mother to emphasize that he’d not said anything that would have warranted a job recommendation to something she didn’t qualify for. “I’m so sorry, love.”
“That sounds like mothers…” Ema muttered. “And it’s not your fault,” she added quickly. The last thing she wanted was for Killian to beat himself up, especially not for just saying nice things about her. Even knowing his mother was an interferer, he couldn’t necessarily have predicted she’d do this. The main thing though, was that he seemed to be on her side. He could see the problem, and he wasn’t somehow blaming her, and maybe they could fix it. And even if they couldn’t get out of it without annoying his mother, he at least sounded sympathetic to Ema’s plight. “I just… the way this letter talks about me, to me, about her, it all sounds so grand, and so far over my head. I mean, your un- her- - this Éamonn person,” she gave up trying to work out the family tree, “He says she never recommends people, so it’s like she’s really sticking her neck out for me, and I mean, I believe what you’re saying you said but she’s clearly got the idea that I’m something that I’m not. She’s going to be so disappointed with the reality. What do I do?” she asked.
Killian raised his eyebrows, a small smile pulling at his face. “My cousin,” he confirmed. “Éamonn wrote to you?” He let out a low whistle. “You could do his job for him, I promise,” he smiled. “Not because he’s incompetent, but because he runs his ship on passion, and you’ve got sails full of that. My mother will be fine. She . . .“ Don’t be angry. Don’t be angry. Do not be angry. He sighed. “She will be fine. I had mentioned how far away you lived and she doesn’t know enough people in the United States to get you connected elsewhere, so I’m sure she thought she’d be doing us a favor to get you a job somewhere closer to Sonora,” he admitted with a grimace. “She doesn’t ever recommend people but not because she’s sticking her neck out for you. It’s because she’s picky as hell.” He cocked his head, wondering if that meant his mother thought he was especially happy now or especially stupid. “She won’t be disappointed with the reality because I’ll tell her what a shrew she’s being and she’ll be fine,” he promised. “I think . . . “ Killian paused. He wanted to give the right answer but he also didn’t want to tell her what to do. But she was asking, and he was pretty confident she wouldn’t do the thing he thought she should do if he didn’t tell her. He let out all his air and deflated some, anger successfully pushed aside, writing a strongly worded letter in the back of his mind. “I think you should go for it actually. Let Éamonn decide if you’re really what he’s looking for. At least if you’re interested in the job. I’m sure it’s a good opportunity if you are interested. Bloody MACUSA,” he muttered to himself. “But if you’re not interested, I think you let him know that too. And I will write to my mother,” he added a bit more bitterly and less reassuringly than he meant it to come out.
“You cannot call your mother a shrew!” Ema exclaimed. “Don’t-” she began, but she trusted that Killian knew his mother best, and how to handle her. He, of course, had every right to write to her and tell her what he thought. “Don’t tell her how I reacted?” she requested. That part, she thought, was up to her to control. “I don’t want her to think I’m ungrateful or anything.” It was getting less scary, in some ways, the more Killian talked about it because he was telling her the same thing he was always telling her; I won’t be mad if you say no.
Killian stuck his jaw, looking for all the world like one of his students. “Fine, I won’t call her a shrew,” he agreed with something like a pout. “But I will tell her to knock it off.” He wanted to argue that Ema did not need to be grateful and that his nosey mother did not deserve gratitude for this, but he didn’t. Ema’s feelings were valid even if his mother really was being a shrew. “And I won’t tell her anything about how you reacted,” he agreed, resuming a more grown-up demeanor.
She wasn’t particularly sure she wanted to be caught up in a complicated game of people who were unpredictable and hard to please, but… well, he got her mother in return, so she couldn’t really complain. So long as they were in it together, a cosy little conspiracy unit. “So, we form a team, covertly passing each other info on how to say exactly the right thing to pacify each of our parents whilst continuing to ignore them?” she suggested with something like a smile, one which turned into a slightly nervous little giggle that was half way to losing itself into a sob again. “Not that I’m saying I’ll ignore this totally,” she added. “I… I don’t know how I feel about it,” she stated. Which, in some ways was totally fair, as she hadn’t really had time to get past confused, scared and overwhelmed.
13
Ema Skies
Right decision
0
Ema Skies
0
6
Killian Row
Killian Row
January 01, 2021 9:53 PM
I agree wholeheartedly.
by Killian Row
Co-written With: Ema Skies
He burst into a hearty laugh, grinning ear-to-ear at the idea of their new covert operation. “That sounds very helpful,” he agreed, thinking that Selina probably had a different idea of how daughters’ boyfriends and guidance counselors should behave. “But take your time. You don’t owe any responses anywhere and you don’t have to decide right now. Or ever. You can even ignore it if you want,” he added, more to reassure her than anything, as he was pretty sure she would do no such thing. “And hey, I’m proud of you,” he added with a soft smirk. “Both for being recommendable and for asking for help. I know that’s hard to do.”
"Thank you very much, Guidance Counselor Row," she stated with a slight smirk, not able to help but feel that even if he wasn't quite slipping into how he talked to his students, then that training was coming in very handy. "And seriously, thank you. Boyfriend," she added, letting the playful mask slip back to the more emotional face that was still underneath. But which looked significantly better than it had before. "You're pretty good at this, y'know?" she checked. Although there was something else going on, some thought moving around and still processing. "You want me to move back?" she asked. It was a slightly rubbish iteration of the question that was pressing on her. She knew he did, and he knew that that wasn't automatic, and he would never pressure her. "Boyfriend Killian says to go for this," she rephrased, "What does Guidance Counselor Row say about putting all your eggs in one basket and relying on the family connections of a man I just started dating?"
Killian smiled sheepishly, feeling silly for being called out for his multiple hats but also appreciating that Ema seemed to not mind so much. In fact, it seemed like she even liked him for all the hats. It was nice. “Thanks,” he smiled at the compliment.
Her other question didn’t feel like a real question. It felt like she knew the answer, but he felt bad for it nonetheless. It showed in the way his face turned red. He tried to think fast but the best he could do was think thoroughly and it took him a moment before he had the right words. “I don’t want to tell you I want you to move back, and that I want to get a flat with you off campus, and that I want to do stupid things with you on late nights and go see shows and stuff. Because I don’t want you to do that just because I want you to. But . . . I do want that,” he admitted softly. “Guidance Counselor Row says go for it,” he said certainly. “I tell students that . . . so if you try, the worst that could happen is nothing changes. If you don’t try, you know for sure nothing will change. That’s best case scenario, because worst case, you could be missing out on something you really want. So if you try and it doesn’t work out . . . well, the worst case scenario is still the best possible thing that could have happened if you never tried at all. I probably wouldn’t recommend putting all your eggs in one basket, but I don’t think testing the waters means all your eggs are in that basket. Especially if the man you just started dating is real cute,” he added playfully, wiggling his shoulders at her. “Boyfriend Killian . . .“ He hesitated again. “Boyfriend Killian doesn’t want you to do anything you’re not sure about . . . “ The rest of his words spilled out quickly: “But also he makes enough money that if you wanted to move back here and put all your eggs in a basket, he’d make sure you were happy every day all the same. Maybe broke and happy . . . but still happy.”
Logic said that Killian wasn’t entirely right there. His assumptions rested on the idea that change was the most desirable and good thing, and that unknown was often the crux of why decisions were hard and scary. However, Ema wasn’t really in the frame of mind to pull it apart with logic, she was still mostly following along on feeling. The letter was rapidly fading to the back of her mind, aware again that she had control, and that enquiring wouldn’t hurt. It was the rest of it that was pushing its way forward now. All the terrifying ways in which it was so similar to last time, but so different.
“You-,” she managed before bursting helplessly into tears. She felt stupid, and guilty for it, because it was so hard to comfort someone when they weren’t right there with you, and Killian obviously was going to want to. And she too wished she could be sobbing onto his shoulder about this, but then if that had been possible, the problem itself would have vanished. “I -- want -- that -- too,” she managed between sobs. “Or something like it,” she managed, with a couple of deep breaths, because she didn’t want Killian to think that she was really taking him up on the idea of coming over, living off his salary and having no independence at all.
Never in his life had Killian wanted so badly to jump into a fireplace, and he was solidly kicking himself for not suggesting they find some way to meet in person sooner than the upcoming winter holidays. But man, he was gonna snuggle the heck out of her for winter break.
“It . . . probably doesn’t help to have every option on the table, but I mean it when I say that wherever you’d like to move or work or be, we’ll make it work. You and me? We’re going to make this work as long as you want it to.” He smiled. Ema’s nose looked super boopable and he added that to the list of things to do for break. Also to brush his fingers across her cheeks as often as possible to make up for all the tears he hadn’t been able to brush away. He blinked, surprised to find his own eyes misty. “And actually, I have a number of great pamphlets that talk about local housing and job opportunities,” he added playfully - because playful was easier - gesturing over his shoulder at stacks of papers that proved he wasn’t even probably kidding.
For a moment, Ema was just crying in complete freefall, the emotion and its release providing its own momentum. Everything Killian was saying was simultaneously making it better and worse and even the nice bits just cut to the core, words that wiggled their way into a wound that had only somewhat healed, and stung regardless of whether they were renewing the hurt or just reminding of it, or even trying to heal it.
“And I’ll see you in a few weeks,” she added, pulling herself together enough to look for the positives. “I can’t wait. I… I’ve done long-distance before,” she admitted. “And very clearly that did not work out. And I’ve figured for a while that maybe that wasn’t the worst loss, and now I have you, I’m pretty certain of it. But it’s a sore spot,” she stated, “Especially the do we/don’t we move question.”
Killian grinned. “Just a few short weeks,” he promised. He was very excited. Like stupid excited. Like jumping-up-and-down-like-a-child excited. He’d written to Jean-Loup to tell him he was bringing a girl home and that she was cute and he was all sorts of excited because he was that excited. It turned a bit sour to hear that Ema was hurting though and the urge to hex people returned, as did the urge to just scoop Ema up and hug her until she smushed into a safe little kneazle. “Loss hurts,” he agreed quietly, trying not to think. “Even if it’s not the worst thing that could happen. Sometimes it feels like the worst thing that can happen even if we know it’s not really.” He understood, even if he didn’t really. He wanted to. “I’m sorry you’ve been hurt before,” he added, not wanting to make this about him. “For what it’s worth, if you’re okay with it, I think that’s been a question of ‘when’ for me, not ‘if’. There’s probably guidance counselor jobs in Laos, right?” he asked, smiling. “I want to respect your boundaries and your pace. Please let me know if my all-in tendencies are too much, and I can save them for my most private diary,” he promised sincerely, despite the humor.
22
Killian Row
I agree wholeheartedly.
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Ema Skies
Ema Skies
January 01, 2021 10:01 PM
Something clever about wholeness and hearts and stuff
by Ema Skies
Co-written With: Killian Row
“I want to know what you’re thinking,” Ema assured him hastily. “And it’s nice to be wanted. Wanted but not pressured - you’re good at that,” she added smiling, wanting to make sure Killian didn’t think he had to change. Right now, almost everything he said made her feel a little less like history was about to repeat itself. He talked so differently. He was so different. When he was there with her, it was easy to stop the sensation which crept up on her in her loneliness and whispered Just like last time. “That’s sort of the opposite to last time,” she admitted. “My ex - though not at the time, obviously - moved back to the Netherlands, and at first he was super enthusiastic about me going too. But I ended up feeling a lot of pressure that I had to make a plan for how it was all going to work. And maybe that’s something I was putting on myself. I mean, I think it almost certainly was, but I felt like I had to work it out because he didn’t seem like he was going to. In retrospect, it’s easy to read reasons why into that… I got accepted to a masters program in Amsterdam, and when I called to tell him…” she trailed off, figuring Killian could probably figure out the end of that story by himself. “I guess I could have gone. I had my own savings and stuff, I wasn’t going to live off him, but we were going to live together, and it would have made it a lot easier. Europe’s freaking expensive. The thought of being in a country I didn’t know, where I didn’t speak the language, and where I wasn’t legally allowed to work… I know it would be different with the US. I have my family there, and I’m a citizen there, and there’s so many ways that makes things so much easier. But I think I’d need something that was just mine, and that someone else couldn’t take away from me.”
As often as Killian thought it, he didn’t really want to hex Ema’s ex. Except when he heard things about the man making things so difficult for Ema that she literally didn’t get to pursue a Master’s she’d been accepted to. Then he definitely wanted to hex him. He was selfishly glad that things hadn’t worked out, but geez. It was a bit of a challenge, in the midst of all of the hurt and the crap and the stupidhead that starred in this story to remember that Ema was also thanking him and complimenting him. He was glad that it was her scars that reminded her of her past, and that he could play even a small role in helping those scars fade a little bit. Memories, he knew, could be poisonous.
Memories also felt a lot like currency sometimes, where the exchange rate was one-for-one and the only thing on the shelves you could buy was a pensieve full of stories. He didn’t want to share. He didn’t want to think of his exes or the things that scared him. He didn’t want to acknowledge that he even had anything he could share. And in this moment, maybe that was for the best; certainly Ema didn’t need him adding to her vulnerability by dumping his own Lost Thoughts on her like she was Wendy to his Peter Pan in Memoryland, even if he was pretty sure he didn’t want to grow up.
He wanted to point out - mostly jokingly - that he could be the thing that was just hers, but considering their mildly uncomfortable talks about boundaries and things in those terms, he wasn’t sure that was a good idea. Also, he was his own human and it was a weird joke to make. Also, it wasn’t helpful. Good boy, Killian, thinking it through.
Instead, he smiled softly at her. “With the instability, it sounds like you want a life that’s yours, that no one can take away,” he said, understanding the feeling well. “Everything in life feels temporary at some point. But life itself is all yours. But it’s scary. And sometimes . . . well, we all just need a little corner of something to hold onto to remind us we’re okay. Like a lake house,” he smiled. “Or a purpose. Some people find that stuff inside, some people find it outside. That’s why I have a job. It’s not any easier for teenagers,” he promised. “Although only a few of them are working on an international scale,” he added with a laugh.
Ema nodded. Part of her wanted to argue that she had a life. She had a job, and a home (albeit a rented one but it was very nice and it had plants and someone else watered them so they didn’t even die and gave her an excellent appearance of being a real grown up) and she had friends, and future prospects. Now there was the gamble of giving that all up for a set of unknowns and it was scary as heck. But she had to admit that the lack of boyfriend, and the real scarcity of any serious contenders in the last two years, did make that life feel a little incomplete. She was not going to build the whole notion of her own self-worth around a relationship, but it was something she wanted in her life. And the US had apartments too. And she could maybe not kill her own plants, or get Krissy to look after them or just get a pet instead. Pets were easier. They screamed if you forgot about them. Like Killian had said, this was feeling like a ‘when’ and a ‘how’ not an ‘if,’ though those were still very big questions. She couldn’t help but wonder if dragging her feet too slowly last time had contributed to Matty’s enthusiasm wearing off. It was hard to know sometimes whether you were hexing yourself in the foot by moving too fast or two slowly, as both could be just as dangerous. For now, at least, she and Killian felt a little more equal. Admittedly, she didn’t know his relationship woes, but she knew some of the things that had hurt him in the past. Last time, she supposed she’d opened up about her confusion with the present, but it felt good to know they’d both shared something that had done the rougher half of the job in shaping who they were right now, and both been alright with dealing with that.
“I know sometimes it sucks that you’re all the way at the other end of a fireplace,” she stated. “But also, it’s good to know that you’re at the other end of a fireplace,” she smiled, feeling like he wasn’t anywhere near so far away as he’d felt a few hours ago. “And I’ll see you soon.”
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Ema Skies
Something clever about wholeness and hearts and stuff
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Ema Skies
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Killian Row