Grocery trips had gotten harder. With four little ones in tow, from one nearly of age for wizarding school to one nearly of age for kindergarten, balancing and keeping track of humans made it almost impossible to also keep track of coupons and good sales and which eggs Claire had already checked for cracks. That wasn't the only reason though. As the kids had gotten older, they'd also gotten more helpful. Winston was always happy to help and to prove himself, and Tissena was soft and light and graceful, so she almost never got into trouble. Soprano and Devon were more likely to wreak havoc, but they were also sweet and Claire didn't really have to worry too terribly much about them. No, the problem was when they went by aisles of things for older kids. Winston was still interested in toy trucks and Claire wanted it to stay that way. But she also wanted to go back-to-school shopping for her oldest. To pick him out a new pair of shoes, or a jacket, or some socks, or sheets. To ask about how dorm life was. To talk about the ups and downs of life at school. Grocery shopping didn't usually involve these things, but it did bring them to mind for Claire.
They made their way down the cereal aisle, with each of the little ones picking out a box of their favorite cereal. She wondered what her oldest's favorite was. They made their way through the clothes aisles and each of her little ones picked different things to reflect their personalities, their favorite colors, their hobbies, and she wondered what her oldest would have picked out. Had they been together. Had Claire not screwed up.
John had, of course, been upset when they received a letter from a hospital nearby. He'd been studying abroad the year that Claire had gotten pregnant and she'd delivered the baby and given it up for adoption without telling him. Of course, he could tell when he got back, but it was too late then. They'd left it at that and not brought it up again. The baby's father had not been a kind man, but he'd been a good looking one. He'd been the sort of person that made Claire feel a little less lonely for just one night. But that one night had turned into nine months and then, when that was done, she found that she was lonelier than ever. It was nice to have John home. It was good. It was good to have their own little ones. But Claire couldn't help wondering how her oldest was.
They checked out at the front of the store and began loading a basket to Floo everything home when an independent merchant caught Claire's eye. He'd set up a small booth near the doors, where he was selling customised Quidditch jerseys. With a tap of the wand, the name of a child, spouse, or lucky pet could be added to the back, over a number. It wasn't at all like a real Quidditch jersey, but Claire and her family lived in an area populated enough by Muggles that it made sense to see these sort of hybrid marketing schemes.
Normally, she wouldn't have been tempted. But she'd had a smiley face, blue plus, and sleet of double pink lines as a reward for peeing on a stick that morning and the guilt over her oldest was on her mind again. It hurt too much, and she wanted to fix it before she felt too hurt. Taking four of her little ones to the stand, she had them pick out a color and confirmed with the merchant that she wanted one for each of them. "Winston, Tissena, Soprano, and Devon," she told him as she spelled them out on a piece of paper. "And . . . Alexander." Winston looked up, confused, but the others didn't notice as Claire handed money over to the merchant and thanked him for the gift for her oldest.
22Claire RandallA Gift For My Oldest 0Claire Randall15