Flying solo on Hospital Wing

Jean Wolfe

May 30, 2020 12:29 AM

Flying solo by Jean Wolfe

[CW - homophobia]

Ms. Katey was out getting a coffee. These were not Jean-Loup’s favourite parts of the day, that would have been unkind and unfair - she was teaching him lots, she was a nice person, and he enjoyed learning from her. However, he did regard the times that she went out as breathing space. This was not entirely her own fault of course. It was how it always was with other people. You had to keep the society face on, smile nicely, be pleasing… School had felt like that too, so it wasn’t like he wasn’t used to keeping it up all day. In some ways, with Ms. Katey, it was easier. She seemed more relaxed, more open to fun than a lot of people he’d had to give positive impressions to before. On the other, that left him a little out of his depth in knowing how to please her.

He also had the constant weight of wondering what she’d think about him dating Dorian. It was a strange middle ground where it wasn’t a secret but it was a bit of information he didn’t think she knew. He and Dorian were not hiding their relationship, but given that their interactions took place precisely when Jean-Loup wasn’t busy in the hospital wing, Ms. Katey had limited opportunities to just… casually notice. He trusted Mr. Row and the other staff not to gossip about him - even the Deputy Headmistress had said it was up to him what he shared with people about his personal life. The question was ‘how?’ He had no idea how he would go about bringing that up even if he decided it was the best course of action. He was also far from convinced that it was. He didn’t like having a secret. He understood all Dorian’s reluctance about maintaining one - the fear of being discovered, and of what might happen when you were, was in some ways worse than many of the likely outcomes. But not worse than all of them. Not worse than her hating him or thinking he was disgusting or trying to send him away. Or advocating for what sorts of things should be done with people like him… He more or less trusted Mr. Row to be on his side or feel bad about that, but he didn’t think he could actually protect him if Ms. Katey didn’t want him to work here any more. It had been much simpler when he’d landed on Healer Kapoor’s doorstep, with it being perfectly clear who he was. She’d had every chance to object to him and he knew she hadn’t.

He was checking over an order for potions ingredients, and just… enjoying the silence when the door opened. The wards on the door would alert Ms. Katey, who would come back to deal with this properly, but he should, presumably, be polite and welcoming. He could also alert her to come back with more haste if it was an emergency. However, emergencies rarely walked in of their own accord, so he assumed that it wasn’t.

“Hello?” he offered. “Ms. Katey will return soon. I am Jean-Loup, intern.” It felt a little odd. He usually appeared with Ms. Katey, and just sort of had to nod along. However, it wasn’t like he had never interacted with a patient on his own before. He was well-practised at it from being a first aider. This was something he could do. He just wasn’t sure about doing it in English, “I can take some details of your problem while we are waiting?” he offered. They had been practising case history, and it was not outside of his expertise to make general enquiries and to establish who their patient was and what he needed, even without supervision. “Ah, if I have permission to see you,” he added. The parents had had to sign consent forms to say they approved of the intern being involved (under supervision) in their child’s treatment. Luckily, there was a quick and easy way for Jean-Loup to tell whether he had this permission without going into the files of anyone he didn’t have it for; they had sorted the records for any students he wasn’t allowed to see into a separate drawer, which was locked. Not that he would have looked anyway, but it was important to prove everything was being done safely and professionally. So, if he could find this kid’s file, he could see him. “What is your name?” he asked.

13 Jean Wolfe Flying solo 1506 1 5

Freddie Zauberhexen

May 30, 2020 12:47 AM

Ich auch. by Freddie Zauberhexen

CW - Also homophobia here. Blanket CW on that for the rest of this thread, I suspect.

Hana told Freddie to get help. She thought he was broken. He couldn't help thinking that maybe she was right. She'd even been a little sympathetic when he'd begun crying during their conversation, although he wasn't exactly sure what she thought of boys crying. Still, she'd been more supportive then. It was like if he knew he was broken and she knew he was broken, then being broken would not be so bad. She said he could get help from Miss Katey, although she hadn't been very clear on what type of help and he suspected English was the reason for that. It was worth checking out, though, if it meant he might get his sister back. His life back.

He was surprised, then, to find not Miss Katey, but Jean-Loup in the Hospital Wing. He knew the older boy was an intern but he knew him more immediately as the boy who had danced with another boy at the Ball. Freddie remembered talking to Ellie about it when they'd talked about pretty dresses. Freddie screwed up his face, both in an effort to understand heavily accented English - was that what he sounded like? Except not at all like that of course because German - and in an effort not to cry again. He was trying to get fixed and now a boy who might also be broken was here? He wasn't sure whether he was the same kind of broken. Honestly, he didn't think the boy seemed broken at all. He wasn't sure whether Hana did but he knew that she thought he was like the intern and she thought he was broken, so she must've thought the intern was broken. He knew the word, "problem," that Jean-Loup used, and he couldn't help agreeing on that front at least.

"Freddie - Friederike Albert - Zauberhexen," he murmured. "Meine parents say fine in summer," he added, remembering when they'd received a letter about the arrangements and promptly sent back their approval. If there was anything the Zauberhexens valued, it was young hands getting the chance to safely develop their work in the medical field. "My problem has inside me," he warned, biting his lip. He was not going to cry in front of Jean-Loup. He was not. So his eyes were getting a bit damp, but he was fine. And the way his voice hitched in his throat was just because he was trying to use English and not because he was biting back emotions he didn't have English words for. "Meine sister say you help. Miss Katey." He looked at Jean-Loup a little harder. "You can help. I think you have also problem?" Not sure how to make that one a question, he just raised his voice, curling it around the question mark he could picture in his mind when he was trying to remember where the heck the words were supposed to go and which ones were used for questions. "Meine Schwester glaube das... I wear pretty dress? Sister say I have sick inside me." And the way his chin wobbled was absolutely not because he was going to cry in front of Jean-Loup and he was fine and it was fine and everything was going to be fine because he was going to get fixed.

22 Freddie Zauberhexen Ich auch. 1452 0 5

Jean Wolfe

May 30, 2020 1:14 AM

Right then by Jean Wolfe

“Hello Freddie,” Jean-Loup acknowledged. Given that the boy had used the shorter version of his name, Jean-Loup assumed that was what he liked to be called. He noticed that they both had two-part names and were not native English speakers and he thought that was sort of nice and wished he could point it out in a way that didn’t seem horribly clunky so that they might get some rapport going. However, he couldn’t think of how to say any of that, and Freddie seemed very sad and anxious, and thus whilst lightness might help it might also not be the place for it. Especially if it landed like a leaden Quaffle due to poorly executed English. Therefore he simply retrieved Freddie’s file, along with his own clipboard.

The problem was inside. Sick inside. Like… a stomach ache? Or was there about to be vomit? He gripped his wand, ready to summon a bucket if necessary. Vomit was definitely not a great part of his chosen profession but… well, it was part of it, and he had to just deal if it happened.

However, that didn’t seem to be the problem. The problem seemed to be that Jean-Loup had a problem too? Maybe. A lot was not very clear, not helped by the sprinkling of a language that he didn’t speak. However, he knew all too well the difficulty of explaining himself, and he let Freddie take the several runs at it that it seemed to need. The problem seemed to be a dress. He had worn a dress. Which was odd. Odd and maybe something he’d do better to keep to himself if he didn’t want to get beaten up. But he wasn’t sick. He was upset with his sister.

Except the sister had called it a sickness. A sickness like Jean-Loup’s. As the pieces came together, he felt fear sliding into his stomach like ice - cold, but also sharp. The scene coming back- no.

“Let us sit,” he suggested, amazed at how calm his voice was coming out as he felt anything but. He guessed that was good. Like… like when someone came in with their arm in their other hand and you just had to be calm about that and get it reattached. He could see that this poor kid was nearly in tears, and even if this reminded him of- no. Busy. He was busy. He was dealing with this. And he would make sure it was fine.

“I think you are not sick,” he stated simply. He was not, he knew, supposed to give out medical diagnoses without supervision. But as far as he was concerned, this was not one. This was a crying child who was confused and upset because his sister had said something mean, and something that was also not true. This was, if anything, the opposite of a medical problem. Someone being called sick where there was nothing wrong with them. “I think maybe you are different. Different can be hard and scary. But it is not the same as sick.” He conjured some water for good measure, holding the glass out to the boy because… because… well, maybe some water would help. And he wanted to help. He wanted it to go better for this kid than it had for him.

13 Jean Wolfe Right then 1506 0 5

Freddie Zauberhexen

May 31, 2020 12:06 PM

I know not what to say. by Freddie Zauberhexen

Freddie followed the older boy with a sense of tension in his stomach. On one hand, his nerves were telling him to run away before this could get any worse. On the other, his sleeplessness and fear were telling him that he deserved this - whatever this was going to be - and he had better stay right where he was and get better for Hana. He took a seat and looked up at him, wondering at too many things at once. Jean-Loup seemed okay, and he had a successful job thing going on, and he was nice enough . . . but was he sick, too?

What did that mean for him? He wasn't sure whether he liked boys or not. He thought that he didn't but he also didn't really care one way or the other about liking anyone. Kissing was gross and squishy looking anyway. Maybe someday, but how could he know what was wrong with him if he didn't even know what to think about himself right now? Also, he thought that it was probably rude to imply that - or outright say that - Jean-Loup was also sick, and he wasn't sure how to fix that.

He blinked in confusion and surprise when Jean-Loup said Freddie wasn't sick at all anyway. At first, he thought maybe it was English that he wasn't understanding, but when the intern continued, Freddie realised he really meant it. He accepted the glass of water and took a long, thoughtful sip. "Different not mean sick," Freddie said, repeating it in his own words to confirm that he understood it. He wanted to believe that. He also really wanted to be done with this conversation. Until recently, he hadn't been embarrassed about liking pretty dresses and things, but now he thought that maybe he should be. But they were just so fluffy or shiny and they were much nicer than some of his regular clothes.

Looking at Jean-Loup a little more closely, he was more sure that the boy didn't look a bit sick. He wasn't surely sure how he looked himself, but he liked to think he still looked pretty alright. He was an intermediate student now and he had some great swoopy hair, and he probably looked great in a dress. "How knows you if sick oder different?"

22 Freddie Zauberhexen I know not what to say. 1452 0 5

Jean Wolfe

June 02, 2020 6:37 PM

Say 'I am fine' by Jean Wolfe

CW - conversion therapy [passing mention]

‘Different not mean sick.’ As Freddie repeated the simple mantra, Jean-Loup felt his chest swell. This wasn’t exactly what he’d imagined when he’d signed up for healing duty, but it was undeniably helping someone to feel better, and that was what made the world go round for him. He wondered how much would have been different for him if someone had been on his side and had thought this way when he’d presented his concerns. He’d been a similar age to Freddie was now.

Then Freddie questioned it - how did you know the difference. Jean-Loup bit his lip searching. He just… knew. He had learnt the hard way, but it had never involved explaining it to himself any more than just seeing the truth that everyone around him was wrong, and that the things they were telling him hurt. He had never had to give a reason or a justification.

“This needs some thinking,” he apologised, continuing to sort through possible explanations.

This doesn’t hurt anyone. That was the first and most obvious answer, but clearly some people were hurt, or acting hurt over it anyway. This kid’s sister. His own and Dorian’s mothers… He didn’t think it was right or fair but it was impossible to say this didn’t hurt anyone. And then those feelings of hurt and confusion and rejection could hurt Freddie himself. So it wasn’t even enough to say he wasn’t sick cos he didn’t feel bad inside. Jean-Loup knew from experience that even when you didn’t believe the people telling you there was something wrong with you, it didn’t necessarily make all the bad feelings go away.

The ‘treatment’ is worse than the ‘illness.’ That was what he wanted to convince Freddie of, to keep him safe from anyone who was going to pour numbing potions down his throat or whatever else they did. Even from ‘talking it through.’ The damage that the wrong words could do was just as harmful. But some medical procedures hurt a lot, or had unpleasant side effects. How did you distinguish?

“I do not know,” he sighed, deciding to give up on answering that in favour of the one thing that was much more important, “I do know though, you talk to anyone who makes you feel bad - who tries to put…. embarrassed,” he substituted for the word ‘ashamed’ “onto you, or tell you bad about you - not talk to them any more. They are the wrong person and they are not helping. Find a right person instead.”

Maybe that was it! With sickness, everyone agreed. Not always on the treatment or whether it was worth enduring the pain, but everyone agreed that it was a sickness. There were people who were willing to tell Freddie he wasn’t mad or ill, and that proved he wasn’t. That other people not liking it was just an opinion.

He was about to share this, when the door opened, signalling the return of Ms. Katey. Jean-Loup tensed slightly. This was more than just hitching his social smile back into place and coping with her bubbly personality. This had the potential to get deeply personal, in a way he strongly wished it would not. He could preemptively feel the desire to just disapparate out of the inevitably awkward conversation building before it had even begun…

It was clear that he and Freddie had been talking, and thus he suspected he was somewhat expected to fill Ms. Katey in on the background of this case.

“He’s not sick,” he stated quietly. He’s just… He ran the sentence through his head experimentally and found he didn’t know how it ended. Chochotte was neither nice nor English. He didn’t know the word for what he and Dorian were (what he presumed Freddie to also be) in English, and he mostly knew unkind words for it in French. “Just… some upset,” he tried instead.

13 Jean Wolfe Say 'I am fine' 1506 0 5

Katey Willow

June 07, 2020 6:18 PM

"I am fine"? by Katey Willow

Adjusting to the schedule was still a little rough, and as such, there was a point in every day where Katey could no longer function without additional fuel. So off she would go in pursuit of another caffeinated beverage, which was when it was definitely most advantageous that she had Jean-Loup around to keep an eye on things. Obviously, she could not be in the Hospital Wing twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, which meant she was technically always on call if an emergency were to arise in the night or times otherwise beyond “office hours” so to speak, but she was always afraid something would pop up while she was not there, and depending on the severity of it, response time could be quite critical. Indeed, it was nice having Jean-Loup available to mind things for her.

Today was one such day where it came quite in handy, as he was talking to a student when she returned, two hot drinks in hand: her much-needed and quarter-emptied coffee and another for Jean-Loup, cream and sugar. “Well, well,” she smiled. “If I knew we had company, I would’ve brought three.”

Jean-Loup gave her a quick run down of the situation, and she was glad to hear the boy wasn’t actually sick. She was also glad to hear that maybe this infirmary was a place people could come to talk about things. A safe space. Katey adored that notion. She held a sense that through failings in her past, she owed the world a sort of mental debt. She wanted nothing more than to help people. To do no harm. She handed him his coffee before turning to their guest.

“Hi,” she greeted the young boy. “My name’s Katey. Do you want to talk to me about what’s going on, or would you rather keep talking to our friend Jean-Loup here? I’m sure he’s doing a great job.” She flashed her intern a quick, appreciative smile and turned back to the boy. “Can I get you anything?”

12 Katey Willow "I am fine"? 1505 0 5

Freddie Zauberhexen

June 07, 2020 6:34 PM

But ich bin nicht fine... by Freddie Zauberhexen

Freddie was feeling sluggish, so perhaps that's why it took him until Miss Katey asked him a question to realise he hadn't yet responded to Jean-Loup. The smell of coffee woke his senses and he breathe in the comforting smell. "My sister say you are good," he told her, looking her over as if to decide for himself. It was hard to tell whether 'good' really meant 'good' when Hana obviously thought the medic at school would be a 'good' person to fix him. The part of him that just wanted things to be normal again was absolutely convinced. The part of him that had gone to the Ball with Ellie and knew that the lack of normalcy in his life now was not his fault at all was less sure. "She say you have pretty things." He gestured vaguely around the Hospital Wing, including Miss Katey herself in the statement, and then shrugged. "I come see if help here have."

Normally, he might have grinned. He wanted to now almost, but he found that he didn't trust the woman. She asked whether he wanted to speak with her or Jean-Loup and the easiest answer was neither, but he had come here to talk to someone. He pointed at Jean-Loup, his eyes round and worried, as if Miss Katey might change her mind and make him talk to her.

But then his face fell and his gaze dropped as he realized he was being rude. "Sorry," he murmured. "I have rude. But... If I can to Jean-Loup talk... ? That is besser-- ah, better." He looked up at the older boy. Would he think he was a freak? Maybe he should just go. "Would you want," he added, preferring to give him an out.

His mind turned momentarily back to the coffee as he realised his throat was parched, and he frowned a little, feeling foolish. "Wasser?" he asked. "Can I water have?"

Freddie turned to Jean-Loup again. "I want that I am fixed," he said firmly, almost sharply if Freddie were capable of such a tone. "But... Only when I am sick... I'm not sick?"

22 Freddie Zauberhexen But ich bin nicht fine... 1452 0 5

Jean Wolfe

June 08, 2020 6:43 AM

You are though, or you will be by Jean Wolfe

“Thank you,” Jean-Loup offered, as he took the coffee. Ms. Katey might have been a rather full-on person sometimes, but she was also a very thoughtful one. His smile was not his usual neat little row of even white teeth, but one more brief and modest, though he was sure she would infer correctly that that was entirely down to the context of the not-quite-crying child in front of him rather than a lack of gratitude. He had diminishing surprise at the fact that she didn’t mind fetching him coffee too, but not diminishing gratitude.

The talk then turned to addressing the situation. The vote of confidence from his supervisor made him feel good, even if it wasn’t a medical problem he was dealing with. However, it meant even more as Freddie very firmly chose him, backing away with slightly widened eyes from Ms. Katey. He did not think she was anyone to be afraid of (but then, he didn’t actually know) but he, Jean-Loup, was definitely a safe person. Of course, he had been determined to do right by the kid anyway, but this made him double down on that.

“I can more talk to you,” he assured Freddie, as he seemed to worry about the choice he’d made, both from the point of view of whether he was being rude and, it seemed, whether Jean-Loup would accept the task. He was speaking only for himself, for the part he had been asked, because it was up to Ms. Katey really to excuse any potential rudeness to her, though he suspected she would - she had, after all, offered Freddie the choice.

Apparently the water Jean-Loup had given him had been a good choice too because he was handing Ms. Katey the empty glass for more. Jean-Loup had not been sure whether it had been necessary - he had really only conjured it cos he wanted to be able to do something, and Freddie didn’t need medicine and Jean-Loup couldn’t give him any anyway, and he hadn’t been sure his words would be enough. So he’d got him water. Which apparently brought him up to two things he’d got right.

As Ms. Katey left to fetch more (a move which seemed to be the signal that he was, indeed, welcome to keep handling this, as she could have just conjured it), he hoped his streak would continue.

“Not sick,” he stated firmly. Freddie’s wish that he would be fixed had hit him like a punch to the gut though he’d been careful not to show it. His neutral healer face was sure as heck getting a lot of practise even if this wasn’t a medical conversation. “Think like this… When sick, everyone agree. Maybe not agree the treatment, or agree how serious - but all can agree, there is sick,” he summarised his earlier thought. It was perhaps an over simplistic view. One which did not consider the battle grounds around the grey ends of the spectrum, especially with mental health, where the debate of where to draw a dividing line was contentious. Nor did it take account of complex or invisible illnesses which took a long time to find or be believed. But Jean-Loup’s world was simple - there were injuries or illnesses, they were plain and clear, and then you fixed them. “We do not all agree. Your sister has one thought, I have one thought. So, now we have opinion instead of sick. No one can ask that you are fix because of their opinion. That is not fair. And… and maybe your sister’s thought can change,” he hoped so, “Or maybe your thoughts change,” he didn’t think it necessarily worked like that but he wasn’t positive that it didn’t, and nor did he want to make Freddie feel like he had to stick to what he thought now forever. Thirteen year old Jean-Loup had not been wrong about liking boys but he had probably had some less than brilliant ideas about other subjects. “But… that is different. Different with try to make your thought change,” he said, trying to give all the strength of violence he could to that simple innocuous verb as he struggled to find the word ‘force.’ “Change by yourself is okay. But someone try to make change your thought, or tell you that you have wrong or bad thought… That can only hurt,” he sighed.

OOC - god-modding of Katey approved by her author

13 Jean Wolfe You are though, or you will be 1506 0 5

Freddie Zauberhexen

June 11, 2020 3:06 PM

I . . . think I trust you. by Freddie Zauberhexen

Understanding Jean-Loup was surprisingly easy for Freddie, and he chocked it up to the fact that they had a shared tendency to say what they actually meant, without all the other words for it. None of those connectors that made language harder to learn. Just the straight point, and the basic words for things. So it wasn't the older boy's English that confused Freddie. He did think it was a bit funny that here was Jean-Loup trying to change his mind about viewing something as sickness just because someone else tried to change his mind about it, but he was also not so dim as to not understand the difference between the two situations.

He nodded. "Yes," he said sadly. "Hana did me a hurt. What else can I do? If not sick and not do fixings, then . . . what? I tell her to take hike?" He was pretty proud of that idiom, even if he was not sure he said it right, let alone used it right. "I do things makes me happy? What happens when-- if I do wrong?"

It was a tempting fantasy. Freddie wasn't sure he could wear a dress with the happiness or freedom he'd had over the summer but perhaps he didn't have to hide it, either. He would need to talk to someone, though. Maybe Anya or Ellie would be a good choice after all? It did raise a different question though. "Can I get woman and have dress? Or man?" He wrinkled his nose, not sure what the words for wife and husband were off the top of his head, and not at all sure which one he would want. Maybe just no one? Was that an option? "Or friend . . . Friend is nice. Friends . . . they will do understanding?"

22 Freddie Zauberhexen I . . . think I trust you. 1452 0 5

Jean Wolfe

June 15, 2020 7:35 AM

I am glad by Jean Wolfe

Hana. Presumably that was the sister. The sister had hurt him and he wasn’t sure what to do… Nor was Jean-Loup. He did not know what ‘hike’ was or where it came into it, but as his broad answer to this whole problem was a total lack of an answer he did not get hung up on that particular word. He didn’t know how you fixed things with angry sisters… He really wished that he did, or that he could ask Freddie to let him in on it if he found the answer.

“Some things I do not know,” he admitted, deciding to cover that and anything else he left out of his answers, which he was sure were going to be far from comprehensive.

“I think all is possible,” he stated cautiously as he weighed up the rest of Freddie’s remarks, trying to work out what he should say. By ‘all’ he meant all of the things Freddie had requested. He did not mean that anything and everything was possible. Some people probably did not start agreeing however much time and reason you gave them. Regarding the nice things, his own experience was that it was possible but personally he had found it surprising that it was. He had spent a long time hiding away not believing in good things. That had not helped. He was not sure he would have got any further by sticking his head above the parapet again any sooner though. It had been a strange combination of factors that had led him to a place where he could and where he had people to talk to. He did not know how to go about recreating that for Freddie. He was pretty sure you had to keep trying but he did not want to suggest that Freddie should keep throwing himself at a world that was not treating him kindly. Sometimes you had to hide to feel safe.

“Friends are good,” he agreed. “Friends and… adults. Only some adults. If you do not know what to do, or if you feel not sure about your choices, I know that Professor Brooding-Hawthorne of Potions, and Mr. Row… They are safe adults, who will tell you right things.”

13 Jean Wolfe I am glad 1506 0 5