Remember when things were easier? on At Home

Jezebel Reed-Fischer

April 28, 2020 4:29 PM

Remember when things were easier? by Jezebel Reed-Fischer

Augustine was turning ten. The fact that Jezebel's younger brother had displayed signs of magical ability had been her own family's secret until . . . well until it couldn't be. Immediate family knew why Jezebel and Dathan were away during the school year, which also meant they knew why Marcus wasn't. The older Reed-Fischer sibling, Jezebel's half-brother, hadn't gotten the magic gene, pointing to the fact that it came to her from her dad's side and his shared lineage with Uncle Vincent. Still, things had been kept reasonably quiet and polite until Augustine had insisted on a wizard themed birthday party. Jezebel's parents, Ekene and Anthony, had agreed after much pleading on Augustine's part - which Jezebel thought was very brave because their mother was terrifying - but only if it was a restricted invite list. They couldn't go around breaking the Statute of Secrecy, even if most of the folks in question where of the sort that the statute was meant to protect.

The Reed-Fischers and the Fischers had all agreed to a backyard barbeque at Jezebel's home and Jezebel was sat outside in the grass, trying to enjoy it. This didn't feel like a birthday party, and she wasn't exactly sure why Augustine would want a themed party if it meant he'd only get his siblings and one cousin invited. At the same time, it was kind of nice. It was nice to see her worlds merging, albeit with a blue pointy hat adorned in white stars and a regular, non-flying broom for Augustine (he'd been strictly forbidden from a make believe wand), and varying levels of dress up for the rest of them. Jezebel had not dressed up, pointing out that she fit the theme either way. It wasn't an argument her mother wanted to end, so she didn't begin it and Jezebel had won out.

It was nice in those little ways, but it still wasn't normal. She and Dathan had not talked much over the past two years at Sonora, and Marcus was more elusive than ever. He was apparently doing very well in his classes and was on track to receive a scholarship to study biomechanical engineering at the Kansas City University of Medicine and Biosciences. But it was still different. Patience hadn't yet displayed any signs of magic either, although she was certainly not Jezebel's half-sibling, and her name was fitting less and less well as she got older. She still had a few years yet to go before she'd be old enough for Sonora anyway, but she was desperately hoping that she was "sparkly like Jazz and Gus." Jezebel, for her part, wasn't sure what she hoped.

She took a deep breath, appreciating the familiar sensations of home, even though it felt less and less like home every year, and looked around, spotting her cousin near the table where Anthony and Ekene had set up a bowl of Augustine's favorite punch: 7-Up and lime sherbert. There was a little card on the table that read "polyjuice potion," Jezebel's contribution to the party decor, and it still made her laugh.

"Dathan," she called, sitting up the rest of the way and crossing her legs. Grass clung to her skin and she brushed it away. "Wanna get me a drink?" Please say yes. She patted the ground next to her beckoning him to make things feel a little more normal than they had for a long time.

22 Jezebel Reed-Fischer Remember when things were easier? 1454 1 5

Dathan Fischer

April 28, 2020 8:04 PM

Those were the days. by Dathan Fischer

A few years ago, Gus' birthday party theme would have seemed a little out of season (wizards in the summertime? Wasn't that more of a Halloween thing?) but not a sign of any great secrets or major international conspiracies or anything. This was one reason why Dathan thought it would have been okay to invite more people than were actually here. He knew, now, that there really were people who wore hats like that (most notably Professor Brooding-Hawthorne) and people who flew around on broomsticks sometimes (basically everyone at the school, at least in first year) and potions that people drank despite knowing what went in them and whatnot, but he wouldn't have thought much of it, a few years ago, if someone else had had this same party.

Rules, though, were rules, he guessed, and better safe than sorry. Much better, from what he had figured out about the real history of things since he and Jezebel had been sent away to magic school. It had been freaky enough to find out all this stuff just on a family level. If a lot of people found it out at once, that...could be bad.

Just with the family, though, they were all safe enough, if still less than perfect. Safety wasn't an issue, but the wizard thing, that was still an issue, even if nobody talked about it.

"Dathan!"

The sound of his name interrupted these pleasant thoughts, and he looked toward the sound to find Jezebel. Who wanted a drink. Polyjuice Potion. It was actually, he thought, a pretty clever name for mixed punch - multiple-juice, polyjuice.

"Sure," he replied, and picked up the requested cup of punch, along with another for himself, before going over to hand it to his cousin and then take the offered seat on the grass. He looked at the punch. "Do you think we should tell him that so many of the real potions smell like overcooked cabbage?" he asked.

16 Dathan Fischer Those were the days. 1457 0 5

Jezebel Reed-Fischer

April 28, 2020 8:16 PM

Will they be again? by Jezebel Reed-Fischer

Jezebel laughed, thinking of potions classes. She was not a fan of the particularly nasty ones, although at least she knew she could do well with enough studying. Practical things made showing off easier. But humor - like her cousin's - made life easier. It was a win-lose either way. Which was the funny thing about life, because people talked about win-win scenarios but there rarely really were any. Someone always lost. Someone always got the bum end. And if no one did on the outside, someone did on the outside. Jezebel knew all too well that she could have everything she wanted and still not be able to enjoy it for the guilt and shame that it came with. Fear, she had discovered, was a terrible state to live life in.

She took a drink of the punch and smiled at the familiar taste. These were the sorts of things that made lame birthday parties feel a little bit more like home, and it was nice to have Dathan beside her for it. Plus, the punch smelled much better than cabbage in any state and Augustine was no doubt going to be disappointed soon enough. "He'll probably be thrilled when we tell him about the worms and stuff though," she pointed out. "Maybe best to keep it to ourselves."

Just as she said it, Augustine ran by with a wild look in his eye, holding the top of some weed he'd ripped out of the ground. He carried it to Patience, who was less than thrilled with the gift even before he deposited it on the ground in front of her, splattering her shoes with dirt.

"Five bucks says he's Pecari," she said, leaning towards Dathan conspiratorially.

22 Jezebel Reed-Fischer Will they be again? 1454 0 5

Dathan Fischer

April 28, 2020 9:07 PM

I like to think it could, yeah. by Dathan Fischer

Dathan considered the issue of the worms and stuff, remembered being a ten-year-old boy, and then related that to Gus' specific traits and inclinations. "Fair point," he agreed. "He'll find out soon enough."

He wondered if he should, just in general, tell Gus that he could ask him about anything in the world his cousin was about to enter. Of course, Gus had Jazz right there at home, plus Dathan only knew so much anyway, but it seemed like the good thing to do, somehow. The only trouble was that it was also a kind of awkward thing to do, even with their family having the connection of this secret to tie the two parts together closer than they had been before he and Jazz had been sent to magic school. Or was it just awkward to Dathan but not something Gus would think twice about? This was one of the problems with being an only child. He had no idea how his cousins operated, being such a large family.

Still, they had managed okay and had had nobody at all to ask questions beforehand, so Gus was probably going to be okay. It helped a lot that he had not been surprised to find out he was a wizard, and even more, probably, that he seemed so enthusiastic about being a wizard. He'd be okay.

"Yeah, I think you'd win that bet," he said, amused, as Gus deposited his offering of a weed at Patience's feet. "Why is he doing that? This looks like one of those sibling things that I don't understand," he said, making it sound like a joke, even though he was kind of curious about whether it was a sibling thing he didn't understand. He knew his roommate had a sister at Sonora, but while Freddie was a cool guy, there were language issues that kept him from figuring out the mystery of how non-only children did things, at least so far.

16 Dathan Fischer I like to think it could, yeah. 1457 0 5

Jezebel Reed-Fischer

April 28, 2020 9:15 PM

Hard to imagine that. by Jezebel Reed-Fischer

Jezebel watched her brother and sister, but looked at Dathan out the corner of her eye. She couldn't imagine not having any siblings to play with, although sometimes she liked to try. Would all of this have been less complicated if Marcus wasn't hurting? Or if she wasn't letting any of her siblings down? But she'd rather be with her siblings than without. Wasn't that the crux of the whole problem?

"I think he's trying to make it look like a gift," she explained, only understanding the two a little better than Dathan could. "Because then he won't get in trouble when he's really just trying to get her shoes messy so she throws a fit because it's funny to him. This way, when my mom asks, 'why did you do that', he can say he was just trying to be nice." Jezebel looked at Dathan, smiling wryly. "I've tried it. It works with dad but never with mom. Augustine hasn't figured that out yet."

She finished her punch and leaned back on her elbows, quite sure that she should soak up every moment of this sort of thing. But she was thinking about things too and she wasn't sure if she could just straight up ask. She was going to though, because she almost always did. "Is it lonely being home?" she asked. "Being around all the kids at school everyday, and then coming back here?" She surveyed their families mingling and milling but the yard. "Sometimes, I get lonely. Mom and dad are too busy for me."

22 Jezebel Reed-Fischer Hard to imagine that. 1454 0 5

Dathan Fischer

April 28, 2020 9:46 PM

It might take a lot of work. by Dathan Fischer

Dathan tried to process the convoluted set of mental processes Jezebel thought Augustine might have gone through before he had dropped a weed on Patience's shoes. Then he said, "If he thought through all that, then I'm not sure we should rule out Crotalus. Didn't the paper say that planning is their thing? That's a lot of planning just to get mud on someone's shoes, even if it doesn't work."

Which, of course, it couldn't possibly. Dathan's mother would have expected him to know better than to throw a weed on someone's shoes when he was ten, and pretending it was a present would not have helped. He didn't think it would have occurred to him to even try that, and he was unsure if that was a bad thing about him, a bad thing about his cousin, or just evidence that his cousin had a really far better imagination than he did.

He was surprised by the bluntness of Jezebel's question about whether it was lonely, being the only kid here. He shrugged. "It doesn't bother me," he said, mostly truthfully. Part of him was kind of jealous of Jezebel and her siblings sometimes - always having someone to play with, and who was not going to side with the parent who was displeased with him almost automatically. Then, though, all the stuff like...well, this. "I mean, I guess I'm used to it? I've been an only child a lot longer than I've had a roommate and all." He wasn't exactly sure how to ask about what she had said about her parents.... "Mom and Dad get busy sometimes too, you know, just life stuff. I guess it would happen more often for Uncle Anthony and Aunt Ekene, though. That's gotta suck. I mean - you do have all of them to hang out with then, though, yeah?" he asked, floundering a bit, suspecting he meant something and was saying it all wrong.

16 Dathan Fischer It might take a lot of work. 1457 0 5

Jezebel Reed-Fischer

April 29, 2020 2:04 PM

Usually I wouldn't mind. by Jezebel Reed-Fischer

Jezebel laughed much more sincerely than she'd done in a long time. "Yes," she grinned. "Our thing is planning. Not that I'm very good at it. What are all you Tepps known for then? I don't think he'll make it there," she added, nodding at her brother, who had taken a real broom - still the non-flying kind - and begun to sweep off Patience's shoes. "Although, he might not be the worst fit. Hey I just realized! Nathaniel Mordue and Sylvia Mordue are also cousins, and she's in my house and he's in yours. But Jeremy's in mine and he's terrible." She couldn't remember ever actually having talked to the younger Mordue brother, but he looked like he would not be any fun to talk to at all. "Honestly, most of the people in Crotalus are awful."

She nodded, understanding as he talked about being used to his family. She'd been used to hers until it all got turned upside down, and then it all seemed to change. She and Marcus had been close once. She hated that she was the reason it all changed, and she hated that she loved it too. There was something that just felt right about being around other people with magic, and about doing magic herself. But she wasn't sure how she felt about that yet still.

Dathan's parents being busy wasn't something Jezebel had thought too much about. She wondered whether it would suck more if her parents didn't have other children to worry about and were just busy with 'life stuff'. Maybe it would be worse? But Dathan didn't seem half so frustrated with life as she was.

"Sometimes I can hang out with them," she agreed. "But Marcus doesn't want to talk to me much since Sonora, and Augustine and Patience are together all year so I'm sort of the third wheel. Nice to have my cousin around," she nudged him with her shoulder and smiled.

22 Jezebel Reed-Fischer Usually I wouldn't mind. 1454 0 5

Dathan Fischer

April 29, 2020 2:32 PM

But this time you do? by Dathan Fischer

It always took a second to remember that Jazz was in Crotalus, somehow. Most of the Crotali looked...well, they didn't look like anyone from their part of the world, anyway. A lot of the Crotali seemed to be born to wizards, for one thing, and he got the impression that a lot of them were rich. Uniforms only concealed so much, after all (even if the most ostentatiously wealthy girl in the school - Dathan didn't know her, but it was kind of hard to miss her even in passing in the corridors - was a Pecari).

"We're supposed to be diplomatic," he said when asked about Teppenpaw. "And into personal development. I was worried at first we were going to have to sit in a circle and have self-help sessions or something, but if anybody does that, it's not mandatory."

Mordue. That was one of the two Teppenpaw prefects. Dathan's main knowledge of the guy was that he always looked tired and that sometimes he talked to one of the first years; Dathan had labored under the vague impression they were related. "I don't think you or Gus are awful," he said. Patience might currently disagree, but from books he had read, Dathan was fairly sure that that was just a Sibling Thing. "So if he went there, that would balance out these Mordues. You're probably right about Pecari, though."

He had always wondered what it was really like - beyond what one saw from the outside or read about in stories - to have a lot of siblings. From what Jezebel said, it seemed it might be a tad more complicated than just elaborate schemes to get Patience's shoes dirty. He returned the shoulder-nudge, figuring that most people did not want to be openly pitied. "For sure," he agreed. "Witches and wizards have to stick together out here, right?" Some sequence of neurons fired and looped back to an earlier part of the conversation and tied it to the present. "It is weird, what you said about us being cousins in Teppenpaw and Crotalus, and the Mordues being cousins in Teppenpaw and Crotalus," he said. "It's even weirder to think that with Gus around - one day we might just be a big wizard family. Don't you think?"

16 Dathan Fischer But this time you do? 1457 0 5

Jezebel Reed-Fischer

April 30, 2020 5:49 PM

This time I don't know if I'm capable. by Jezebel Reed-Fischer

Jezebel grinned, appreciating Dathan's choice of words. The fact that he'd chosen "diplomacy" instead of "nice" or something showed that diplomacy was indeed the best choice, and the fact that he had very politely inquired about Augustine being a weirdo was just evidence looking back. Of course, if it really was diplomacy, then Augustine might be working his way up from crisis negotiator to Teppenpaw.

She thought about the idea of self-help circles. She thought that she probably would be 1) not welcome and 2) not interested in such a thing if Crotalus students were hosting it, but maybe she was wrong. She knew she wasn't the only Muggleborn in the House, and she knew that she needed help, even if she wouldn't admit such a thing.

"Thanks," she smiled, glad Dathan didn't think she was awful. Truth be told, she had a hard time telling some days. Not because Dathan wasn't clear, but because she wasn't. Was she awful for thinking the things she thought, if she never said them out loud? Was she awful for being what she was?

She was saved from having to think too much about this by Dathan thinking more about cousins and Houses and . . . what? She cocked her head at him, eyebrows wrinkling in concern. "What do you mean?" she asked. "We're already family, aren't we?"

22 Jezebel Reed-Fischer This time I don't know if I'm capable. 1454 0 5

Dathan Fischer

April 30, 2020 8:33 PM

Maybe if we work together? by Dathan Fischer

"Well, yeah," said Dathan when it was pointed out to him that they were already family. "We are. I mean, like...you know, the ones at school whose families are all wizards and the same names are in all the Houses and stuff. In fifty years, there might be a lot of Fischers and Reed-Fischers running around Sonora like that, and we'll be a big wizard family, instead of a big family." He made a face, not sure he was getting his point across very well. "Some of the guys in Teppenpaw, I'm pretty sure they don't know anything about...like, here," he said, with a vague wave past the garden, toward the wider world. "And Crotalus - most of them kind of seem like that? I don't know any of them really, though," he added for the sake of fairness.

He took a drink of his polyjuice punch and looked around the party at their cousins and parents, at the decorations, at everything. "It's still weird to me when we're at school and there's not - like - TV, or bicycles, or anything like that," he said slowly. "But this year, it's kind of weird coming home and seeing them here when I haven't seen them for a while. Does that make any sense? Is it like that for you?"

He asked the last question somewhat hesitantly, as it was a fairly personal question. It seemed likely, but - well, everyone thought and felt different things. Plus, there were all those fun times when one didn't even know one's own exact thoughts on a thing. He was in that boat himself at the moment. He was no longer what would be weirder, in the far future - still knowing all this about both worlds, and being kind of surprised by what was and wasn't around wherever he went, or being back in one all the time and not even thinking about the devices and conventions of the other.

16 Dathan Fischer Maybe if we work together? 1457 0 5

Jezebel Reed-Fischer

April 30, 2020 9:20 PM

That would be helpful. by Jezebel Reed-Fischer

Jezebel tried not to make any faces at the idea of a bunch of Fischers and Reed-Fischers at Sonora. She supposed that someday, this generation would probably grow up and have kids and they might go to Sonora. But there was at least one of her siblings who would definitely not be going, and what if the others didn't want kids? Or couldn't have them . . . ? Luckily, she didn't have to dwell long on this.

"Yeah, most of them don't know a lick about this stuff," she agreed about her Housemates. There were a few exceptions, like one of the girls in the year ahead of her, but she was a millionaire or something and seemed like her version of life in the Muggle world was not a bit like Jezebel's or Dathan's.

Her mouth popped open in outright surprise when Dathan asked about the weirdness of their lives turning absolutely upside down and then finding out that what had once been the bottom actually worked really well as the top. It was like finding out in the middle of a bite of pineapple upside down cake that you actually really did like pineapples.

"Yes!" she said, relief flooding her. She sat up all the way and turned some to face Dathan a little more closely. "That's exactly how it feels." She closed her eyes and sighed before opening them again and looked down at her hands, playing in the grass of her muggle childhood home. "I feel so guilty for thinking that none of this seems like the real world anymore. Like, I definitely miss TV. But when I'm here, I also really miss being able to get my books off the shelf without having to get up and go looking for them, or locking and unlocking things even when I don't remember where the key is. Magic still has limits and life there isn't perfect, but . . . it's right. It just feels right." She glanced over to where her mother was standing, talking with Dathan's mother and laughing as she watched her almost normal children play on this almost normal day. Jezebel felt like she would be piling on disappointments for a very long time. "If I told you a secret, could you promise not to tell anybody?" she held out her pinkie finger. "Like promise promise. Not a soul, 'til the day you die?"

22 Jezebel Reed-Fischer That would be helpful. 1454 0 5

Dathan Fischer

May 01, 2020 12:26 PM

I like to be helpful. by Dathan Fischer

"...it's right. It just feels right."

Dathan took another swallow of his drink, not sure if he agreed. He didn't disagree, but there was a difference between agreeing and not disagreeing, and he was not sure where he fell on that spectrum.

"I definitely miss being able to unlock stuff at home," he agreed, as that was true enough.

In the broader sense...did magic feel right? When he was doing it, at least, it often did. Once he had a spell down, it could become incredibly natural to cast it, at least if he could see the utility of it. He was still amazed at how readily some of the older students used their wands - it was as if they didn't even think about it, it was just the logical way to do everything - but he knew there were a few charms he was beginning to think of almost the same way. Maybe, one day, he too would just regard it as natural to do everything that way, but he wasn't sure if that would mean it would feel wrong to get up and go pick up a book off the shelf himself if he wanted it. Half the time, he still did that even at school, not least because he was unsure how Mr. Fox-Reynolds would feel about students trying to make books fly within the boundaries of the librarian's papery domain.

""If I told you a secret, could you promise not to tell anybody? Like promise promise. Not a soul, 'til the day you die?"

Well, that didn't sound ominous or important at all.

Really, he thought, it shouldn't have. Wasn't that just how girls talked? Cross-my-heart-hope-to-die-stick-a-needle-in-my-eye and all that stuff? Somehow, though, he found himself thinking that maybe Jezebel was serious, and didn't laugh it off as she extended her little finger.

"Sure," he said, and linked fingers with her for a moment. "Promise. Promise-promise, even," he added. "Not a soul til the day I die. What's up?"

16 Dathan Fischer I like to be helpful. 1457 0 5

Jezebel Reed-Fischer

May 01, 2020 12:45 PM

I know. I love that about you. by Jezebel Reed-Fischer

Jezebel nodded, satisfied that her conditions had been met. She glanced around before she spoke and she wasn't really sure whether she was trying to stall or really trying to check for eavesdroppers. Whatever the urge was that was making her tell Dathan was one she was not familiar with, as she generally was not an impulsive person. But it wasn't exactly impulse, was it? She'd been thinking about this for a long time now, and the recent Ball had only served to emphasize what she feared might be the case.

Her eyes lingered another moment on her mother, and she resolved never to tell her this secret unless a whole lot of things changed between now and then. What might have to change was a scary thought for its own reasons, and Ekene Reed wasn't the only one to worry about. Jezebel thought of Bridget and Josie and wondered whether this would be worth ruining those friendships over. Right now, she doubted it, but that was part of the problem, wasn't it?

Jezebel knew she had her mother's scary eyes when she wanted, and she opted for a gentler version as she looked hard into Dathan's eyes. "It's a secret because I don't want my mom to know," she explained. "She's already having a hard time with me being a witch, she doesn't need more problems." She shifted a little, uncomfortable admitting this. But if she was going to tell anybody, then her cousin was her best bet. Plus he was a guy, so maybe they'd have something in common? She didn't want to assume that; she wouldn't want him to assume the opposite for her.

"I don't think guys are my thing," she said quietly, searching Dathan's face for any reaction at all. "At all. I'm pretty sure I like girls."

22 Jezebel Reed-Fischer I know. I love that about you. 1454 0 5

Dathan Fischer

May 03, 2020 6:00 PM

Here's hoping I don't mess it all up here. by Dathan Fischer

Dathan did not know what he had expected his cousin to say, but whatever it had been, it was not the thing she actually said. For a moment, he was too surprised to even think of anything to say, never mind to actually speak.

Finally, though, he nodded, his mind latching onto a practical way to reassure his cousin, which seemed to him the most important thing right now. "I won't tell anyone," he said firmly. "Not till the day I die. Promise."

He wouldn't, not least because he couldn't. That much was obvious, and he knew at once why she had sworn him to secrecy, and specifically said that she didn't want her mother to know. This could get...bad. In a lot of different ways. Dathan's family was religious enough, he guessed (he doubted his mother would be thrilled to hear it if Dathan said he was into dudes, either, and he was pretty sure that religion was at least a contributing factor), but they were nothing - nothing - compared to Aunt Ekene.

"Do - uh - do you want to talk about it?" he asked, slightly awkwardly. He wanted to be kind and supportive, of course, and for his cousin to feel like she could talk about it, if she needed someone to talk to - they were family, after all - but he wasn't sure how to go about that at all, and could only hope that he wasn't doing so altogether Wrong.

16 Dathan Fischer Here's hoping I don't mess it all up here. 1457 0 5

Jezebel Reed-Fischer

May 05, 2020 6:19 PM

You're doing great so far. by Jezebel Reed-Fischer

Jezebel was relieved that Dathan still seemed willing to keep his promise and her secret. There were still a lot of nerves in her gut, but it was nice that the first person she'd told hadn't run away or something. It wasn't hard to imagine how the Reed-Fischer matriarch would have reacted differently to this news, and Dathan's face said he understood that too. Jezebel hadn't really thought about it that much because she knew that it was not an option. Unless she ever decided to date someone . . . but maybe she wouldn't have to. Or maybe she could be like Aunt Josephine and just sort of live with her lady friend and never tell anyone they were actually a thing. That would be ideal. She'd given up on being "fixed," in part because she was starting to think that maybe there wasn't anything to fix. Dorian and Jean-Loup seemed so right together. It was hard to imagine that whatever they were doing was wrong.

She smiled at her cousin's offer to talk about it. It seemed pretty clear that he wasn't totally comfortable doing that and Jezebel wasn't really either, but it was still sweet of him. The boy really was a Teppenpaw. "Nah," she said, smiling a little. "Thanks for listening. I haven't told anybody else. And I probably won't." She shrugged. "Who's got time for dating when there's an entire world to learn about? I went to the Ball without a date and had plenty of fun." Of course, that had been in part because Bridget just looked so dang pretty, but that was beside the point. "What about you? Anyone at Sonora catching your eye so far?"

22 Jezebel Reed-Fischer You're doing great so far. 1454 0 5