Tabitha Brooding-Hawthorne
April 15, 2020 2:41 AM
I'm fine, I think. (tag DH Skies) by Tabitha Brooding-Hawthorne
If there was one thing Tabitha didn't particularly enjoy about her job, it was the regular meetings with Deputy Headmistress Skies. Walking to Professor Skies' office, Tabitha often felt like she was back at school and in big trouble and was about to receive some sort of menial task for detention and a stern lecture. She wasn't entirely sure why she felt this way because, she was pretty sure, Selina was just doing her job and being very good at it. It was a good thing to check in on the staff as well as the students and Tabitha recognised that. On top of that, her meetings with Selina had never been particularly bad and could often prove helpful, with advice on certain lesson plans or even how to handle certain situations with a student (despite having been teaching at Sonora for nearly five years, there was still the odd thing that came up where Tabitha didn't know how to react. She was not in the category of having 'seen it all' by any stretch of the imagination).Today, however, Tabitha felt like she had something to feel nervous about. She was aware that her lessons probably weren't up to the standard they normally were. They were not bad, she was still educating but there instances after Tabitha had taught her lesson and she was reflecting on it that she would realise she had missed something. It was fixable, of course. Little mistakes were always fixable but it probably wasn't very professional and Tabitha felt that maybe she was going to be reprimanded and made to 'pull her socks up'. Then again, it could be that Selina had no idea about it and this was just simply their normal routine meeting...
'Fat chance,' Tabitha thought to herself as she approached Selina's door. 'The woman knows everything.'
She knocked and waited until she was invited in and took the open seat across from Selina on the other side of her desk with the simple, courteous greeting of 'Professor Skies'. Sitting down felt nice. It was starting to feel more and more nice every day at the moment, the less she slept. Still, she wasn't planning on letting Selina know that there were issues with sleeping or general resting. She wasn't a weak fool. She was going to play this meeting in the same way that she always had and that was by saying she was fine, everything was fine and then some mundane chit chat about lessons.
She already knew that wasn't going to work when Selina asked how 'everything' was going and Tabitha immediately hesitated. She didn't know what it was about sitting opposite Selina but she always felt compelled to be honest and Tabitha was tired, very tired though she was loathe to admit it. She was also hungry from having skipped breakfast again that morning and if Selina had noticed that - and she would have done because Selina noticed everything, Tabitha was convinced - then she wasn't going to be able to just play that off and she had already delayed too long in answering the question and this meeting was already going to hell.
Tabitha sighed, closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. This was annoying and difficult and embarrassing. She didn't want to admit that she was struggling.
"I've... been really busy," she settled on at last. "A little harrassed, maybe."
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Tabitha Brooding-Hawthorne
I'm fine, I think. (tag DH Skies)
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Selina Skies
April 15, 2020 3:28 AM
Oh good. by Selina Skies
Was Tabitha going to… cry? On the list of most UnTabithalike behaviours that Selina could think of, that ranked fairly near the top. Selina definitely hoped it was not about to happen. Admittedly, people - both colleagues and students - dissolving into a puddle of tears in front of her was something she had, over the years, built a reasonable professional capacity at dealing with. She was sure she could handle it. It just wasn’t ever very fun for anyone. It was also all the more concerning when it came from someone who didn’t seem like a cryer.It would also have made her rather worried because unless something very sudden had happened, it might have meant she had dropped the ball. Staff members should not be getting to the point of tears without her noticing that something was wrong. She had noticed Tabitha looking a little tired or vacant during mealtimes more often lately, but… well, people didn’t always sleep well. Especially not teachers. Especially not teachers who lived with their spouses… And she had not believed it was of a level or frequency to warrant concern. She had presumed that this was going to be a fairly ordinary check in.
However, when Tabitha spoke, there wasn’t any sign of tears, or the kind of emotion that was likely to prompt them. Just feelings of stress and being busy, though clearly those were hard enough for her to admit.
“Thank you for telling me that,” Selina said. Her voice was not so brisk and business-like that it seemed like she didn’t mean that, but nor was it as soft as she would have made it for a student. She doubted Tabitha would appreciate feeling coddled - but hopefully she could aim for ‘supported’ instead. That was a much more flexible word which took account of how much the other person wanted or needed. Some people felt ‘supported’ by knowing there was someone to come to if diving in headfirst didn’t work out - others wanted to sketch a careful plan of how exactly to dive in with the minimum risk that any negative consequence would occur. She had a reasonable hunch as to which one Tabitha was… “These meetings are most useful when we talk about what’s important to you,” she reminded Tabitha. It wasn’t a new line, but she remembered how long it had taken her to get used to being supervised - to know that the agenda really was up to her, and that her failings weren’t things to be hidden. “I think it’s very common to feel stressed - or harassed. Can you tell me a bit more about what’s making you feel that way?” she asked.
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Selina Skies
Oh good.
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Tabitha Brooding-Hawthorne
April 15, 2020 3:59 AM
Yes, good. by Tabitha Brooding-Hawthorne
Tabitha was very, very relieved that this didn't appear to be a reprimand or some kind of work disciplinary. She valued her job and took pride in her work (at least, when it was up to scratch, she couldn't take much pride in the errors) and wasn't entirely sure how, on top of everything else, she would've been able to handle being told off. She doubted that she would've cried. That was too childlike, too daft and it wouldn't fix anything anyway. Crying never did. Far better to not waste time and find a solution. Of course, none of that mattered right now because, at the minute, she wasn't in trouble and there was no crying. This was good. This was better than expected.Selina's tone was a comfort, in a way. Tabitha didn't feel like she was being treated like a child. She didn't need to be patronised or spoonfed things. She had left her child and teen years behind her a long time ago and was perfectly capable of being an adult. She also appreciated that this wasn't just a cold, completely emotionless meeting either. It gave the impression that Selina cared, in whatever way that she did. It didn't mean that Tabitha thought Selina cared about her as a person (though she was pretty sure that the Deputy Head didn't wish her any kind of harm) and perhaps just as a boss who makes sure their employees are okay so that their work doesn't suffer and the effects of problems are minimal. Whichever way it was, it was nice that Selina wasn't just being a cold-hearted dragon.
The meetings were about what was important to Tabitha, were they? There were many things that were important to her and it went without saying that Mary was one of those important things. Well, Mary was more than a thing, she was an important person. However, Tabitha didn't want to talk about Mary and their relationship because that was a private thing. Whatever issues they were having - and Tabitha had been having the horrible feeling lately that all the issues were being caused by her and they were all her fault - they were better kept between herself and Mary to resolve in their own time. She suspected that Selina didn't particularly want to hear about any marital problems anyway.
So, after Mary, what was next? Her job, maybe? That was important to her. Without her job, Tabitha would have to leave Sonora and after almost five years, the school had become a home. She didn't want to screw up so badly that she would have to leave and lately, she knew, that she had been struggling to manage things a bit. There was a lot of homework to grade and there had been a lot of work to be done leading up to the RATS and CATS exams (she was mightily relieved that she didn't have the mark the wretched things). There was a deadline for everything and Tabitha was feeling that she was struggling to keep up.
It helped a little to know that Selina thought it was common to feel stressed. Tabitha didn't feel like such an anomaly knowing that. She was friendly with all the staff (except the Headmaster but then she didn't think anybody was friendly with him and vice-versa) but that didn't mean she knew everything about them or how they were handling things. It looked like they were all doing fine, in all honesty and she was the one letting the side down, as it were.
"This year has just felt more trying than the past ones," Tabitha confessed. "I'm not really sure why. I just always feel like I'm two steps behind everyone else and trying to play catch up."
She didn't really want to say any more than that and looked away from Selina. She was feeling like a failure and incompetent. She hadn't even really admitted this to Mary, not wanting to drag her wife down the same path and put burdens on her. Mary was doing excellently as always which was difficult to face. It was one thing to look at your colleagues and know that they were fine. It was another to look at your wife and see that she was also leaving you in the dust.
"I think maybe I'm just tired," she then said before mumbling, "Not been sleeping very well."
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Tabitha Brooding-Hawthorne
Yes, good.
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