Sunshine! on Labyrinth Gardens

Zara Jackson

January 01, 2020 4:10 AM

Sunshine! by Zara Jackson

It was sunny! Zara often cursed the fake Irish climate of Sonora. She honestly thought she would have preferred the actual desert temperatures. She wondered if she was part lizard, or something that needed to bathe all day on a hot rock because she just didn’t seem to have so much go when she couldn’t get her vitamin D fix. September here was changeable as all heck and there had been a couple of really miserable days lately. She appreciated the bright sunshine yellow of the Teppenpaw Common Room on those days - it did more to cheer the spirits than the darker corners of the school - but being stuck inside whilst rain lashed the windows or clouds ruined the sky was no fun. Plus it limited who she could keep as company. The other Teppenpaws were, of course, lovely people, but she preferred having a wider spread of friends. She was therefore determined to make the most of this day.

After class, she ditched her robes, swapping them for a soft yellow and orange striped hoodie in a lightweight fabric. She knew that its days were numbered, and that it would have to be traded out for chunkier knitwear soon. She loved the colours though, and was determined to get the most of out it, and the light, bright, pleasant evening whilst she still could. Zara could appreciate fuzzy socks and wrapping up cosy but she got bored of it quickly, and longer to be able to wear cute tops and feel the sun on her skin again. To that end, she rolled up the sleeves of her sweatshirt.

She stepped out into the gardens, feeling the sun on her face and arms, and smiling. She had not gone far when she came across someone else, who she presumed was also out to enjoy the good weather.

“Hi,” she beamed, “Making the most of the sunshine too? It’s going to be so sad when it goes away.”

13 Zara Jackson Sunshine! 1444 1 5

Felipe De Matteo

January 01, 2020 12:03 PM

You're my by Felipe De Matteo

Felipe was feeling more and more often as if he was imploding. His world had ceased to be full of the rich colors of Italy, the flavors of France, the aromas of Mexico, and even the sights and sounds of the United States. Instead, his world had shrunk to the size of his own mind, where it fought to pay attention in classes he didn't care about at a school that didn't care about him.

He suspected he was being pouty. Leonor said as much even without him opening up to her. She saw through the facade he wore in class and recognized that he was sinking, even if she didn't offer to help. They weren't close enough for that. Not like the Hexenmeisters, the Zauberhexens... The Mara and Jessica.

Determined to find something to make him feel more like he was the problem and less like the world was caving in - at least if he knew he could solidly blame himself, then he could begin improving and maybe things wouldn't suck so much - Felipe made his way to the Gardens. They were still his favorite place on campus and even in his fog he appreciated the flora that greeted him.

It wasn't only leafy forms of life that greeted him, but also curly-haired, grinning, perfect forms too. Zara was there, soaking up the sunshine, and she greeted him so casually that Felipe almost smiled. He wanted to run to her and give her one of those hugs where tall people scoop up small people and spin them around, just so that she could feel a little taste of flight with him. But he didn't because that wasn't what he did. People like him greeted each other with curt nods and fake smiles.

"I do miss the warmth," he admitted, running a hand through his hair. "You're looking ready to just soak it all up," he added with a short chuckle. It felt good to be a little bit happy, except it hurt his bruised abdomen to laugh and he hadn't told her about that yet. He was sure she'd find out at some point, so he wanted to preempt the rumor mill on that front. But here... Everything was almost perfect here. He didn't want to disrupt that just yet. "It's good to see you," he admitted.

22 Felipe De Matteo You're my 1434 0 5

Zara Jackson

January 01, 2020 9:04 PM

Aww. Heart you too by Zara Jackson

Aha! She had discovered a Felipe flower in its natural habitat. Well, she supposed it had been somewhat transplanted to this region, but when at Sonora, this was the most natural place to find it growing. And, routine though the sight was, it was definitely none the less pleasant for it.

"Every last drop while there's still some to be had," Zara agreed regarding the sun, and stretching out her arms. "Dad ran a thing about getting energy from nature last year. Like, electricity - the stuff that makes non-magical everything work. You can harness it from sunshine. I think that might be how I work," she grinned.

Felipe was being quiet and reserved. So... being Felipe. Zara did not notice anything different. As someone who tended to be loud and direct, who let their emotions play across their face, she had difficulty reading one kind of quiet from any other kind. She had got used to the fact that quiet was how Felipe was, and quiet and okay could co-exist - a lack of constant chatter didn't mean something was wrong. Therefore he struck her as much his usual self.

"Good to see you too. You're my favourite part of the gardens," she smiled.

13 Zara Jackson Aww. Heart you too 1444 0 5

Felipe De Matteo

January 01, 2020 11:27 PM

But why though? by Felipe De Matteo

Felipe listened with sincere interest as Zara explained about electricity and her father's work. He'd gotten to see some of the results of Mr. Jackson's work over the summer and it was a breath of fresh air compared to the rest of the break. And really, that was the problem. It felt like Felipe's world was an ill-planted farm, with crops in the wrong places, the breeze blowing the wrong way, and accidental cross pollination happening all over the place. It was messy and painful and way too much work. But with Zara . . . Zara was the bell chiming to let him know it was time for siesta, or else the siesta itself. She was the one thing in the world that made everything else seem okay and she was--

Was she flirting with him?

He had never interpreted any of her actions that way before, and wasn't entirely sure what flirting really looked like, but the word came to mind of its own volition and he wasn't entirely sure he could dismiss it. At the same time, he'd said he was happy to see her first. It was just . . . really? Her favorite part of the Gardens?

His cheeks were hot and he knew they were red, and he actually couldn't help smiling a little. As best he could without hurting himself and releasing any sort of grunts that would give away his bruises, Felipe bent to the ground, moving slowly, and picked up a stone. He pulled his wand from his pocket with the other hand as he returned to a standing position. Waving his wand over the surface of the stone, he muttered the incantation necessary to change its color. Thin curls of white appeared around two golden circles, and green roped its way down towards the base of the stone. If there was anything Felipe knew well, it was plants, and he felt a sense of warm pride as he passed the stone with two neat daisies to Zara. "There are lots of beautiful things in the Gardens. It takes someone particularly special to notice them," he told her, gratitude softening his usually stiff tone. "Thank you," he added.

OOC - I'm picturing something like this: https://i.pinimg.com/originals/08/ec/26/08ec2614faeee7d554c60f75f843a612.jpg

22 Felipe De Matteo But why though? 1434 0 5

Zara Jackson

January 02, 2020 3:04 AM

You're adorkable by Zara Jackson

Felipe was maybe quiet? Even for him, this seemed close to a record low in reactiveness. Or possibly a high inodd reactions. He was gathering rocks, and Zara tilted her head quizzically at him. His intention, if not his reasoning, quickly became apparent though as he held out the decorated pebble. People often said actions spoke louder than words, and that a picture was worth a thousand of them, so perhaps she should actually consider this both loud and verbose.

The actual words that accompanied the gesture were a little odd. She was sure Felipe was trying to pay her a compliment, and she should not tease him. Appreciating her appreciation of nature was something that really meant a lot, coming from him, and she should not tease him. But her word choice had been 'favourite' and his had not been.

"Are you considering yourself a beautiful thing?" she joked lightly. She was quite sure that was not what he had meant, but it was hard to resist pointing out that intetpretation. She decided to rescue him before his modesty forced him to back pedal so hard he fell over though.

"This is lovely," she said, changing the subject by turning her attention to the rock. "What did I do to warrant being given flowers?" she asked.

13 Zara Jackson You're adorkable 1444 0 5

Felipe De Matteo

January 02, 2020 3:22 AM

And you're pretty and stuff. by Felipe De Matteo

Okay, but why did he have to suck at literally everything? Was he just that bad at reading the situation that he couldn't even manage a simple social interaction without a blunder? What was the right answer in this situation? No, you're the beautiful thing and I'm particularly special. Nice, real slick. Yes, because you're special and you found me. Closer to true, but not exactly what he wanted to say. Also, he was much closer to a pre-charmed rock than this fancier version.

"Hardly," he managed, sounding strangled before Zara offered him a way out. It wasn't really much of one, but at least it gave him some respite from her gaze while he tried to figure out how to remove his foot from his mouth without doing any more damage. That was an English idiom he now realized not only meant to say something wrong but also to literally choke because you're a big dummy who can't figure out which way is what.

The real question though was whether she had actually been flirting. She didn't seem like she was now. Had he totally misread the situation? Had he tried to flirt back? Is that what the gesture was? It seemed like a natural enough response to his friend, but also what is happening?

On the bright side, her question gave him time to actually think up a genuine answer. It was something he really believed, whether she was doing the thing that he didn't know if she was doing and now was definitely not going to think about or not. She was his friend - although why would always be a mystery to him - and that made her special.

"You find the beauty in things that aren't very beautiful," he said quietly. He simultaneously resented his parents for having taught him to keep his head up and also appreciated the ingrained lessons; he didn't look away from Zara's face while he spoke. "The least a big ugly blockhead can do is find a little beauty in return," he told her, gesturing at the rock and making a face that suggested he knew exactly whether the magician or the magicked was the blockhead. "That makes you my favorite part of the gardens, too."

Maybe if he was really lucky he would figure out how to transfigure himself into a rock and then he could hide under a bush until a rainstorm and then he could get washed away into a river and then the river would take him to the ocean, where he would meet a fish that would slap him for saying so many words when he didn't even know what was happening.

22 Felipe De Matteo And you're pretty and stuff. 1434 0 5

Zara Jackson

January 03, 2020 6:10 AM

You're still dumb by Zara Jackson

Aww. Bless his self-conscious little socks. The one word Felipe managed suggested that she had somewhat broken him. She decided not to point out that she had said nothing about whether she agreed or disagreed with his self-assessment for fear that his head might actually explode. She also wasn’t sure herself, and she was pretty sure it wasn’t fair to mess with him if she didn’t mean it.

On the one hand, making out sounded like it might be kind of fun. Zara might have been the middle one of three on paper, but she was, more functionally, the second to youngest of eight once you factored her cousins in. It wasn’t like they hadn’t taken care to try to have boundaries and rules about keeping things age appropriate in front of the ‘little ones’ but well… things slipped. What had been Not Appropriate to say in front of each of them had gradually shifted a little, as year by year, the number of people who were In On Stuff and Talking About It increased. She was pretty sure the tipping point had been James becoming a massive ho bag – he was the youngest cousin and had been the last bastion of innocence on that side of the family. And even outside of that, there was nothing like telling kids they could not know about something to make them want to listen at doors, and she and Eva had done their fair share of that. She had been in trouble for asking about something that sounded like a perfectly innocent hairstyling term to her and had very much not been. She definitely did not fancy doing that anytime soon, but she did wonder what it was like to kiss, and she wanted to stop being bracketed in the little kid section of the family because now it was basically just her and Bertie, and that was rapidly becoming insulting because he still wanted to be an astronaut-ninja-spy and that wasn’t a real thing.

She just wasn’t sure whether she wanted to do her research with Felipe or just… someone. She kind of didn’t object to the thought, but he was terribly eighteenth century about everything and she wasn’t sure he could get his head around the idea that Frenching each other just to find out what it felt like didn’t have to lead to the two of them getting married. Zara had no desire to be treated like a princess, either in the cheesy modern sense, or in the historical one of being married off to make peace with France or whoever, and that seemed to be his modus operandi.

But then he did dumb-ass things like accidentally call himself beautiful and make her flower rocks, and that was the cute part.

“You’re not a big ugly blockhead,” she assured him, that part being easy enough. “You don’t actually think you are, do you?” she added, tilting her head at him and sounding genuinely surprised. Zara tended to say what she meant, and assumed that others did too. And, yeah, she kind of knew what they said about assuming, and she sometimes had to forcibly remind herself to look for layers but… She was used to Felipe saying what he meant. The caveat was he just… didn’t say much. He was careful, considered and, when it came to what he said about her, always sincere. She didn’t expect him to be insincere about himself therefore, but she equally couldn’t imagine him thinking he was a dumb blockhead, since he’d basically been raised to be all polite and suave or whatever. But it was hard to imagine him joking because… well, see entire previous two years, and the fact that he took everything he said really seriously.

13 Zara Jackson You're still dumb 1444 0 5

Felipe De Matteo

January 03, 2020 11:35 AM

Oh, thanks a lot. by Felipe De Matteo

Felipe summarily took back everything he had ever thought about Zara being easy to talk to. Granted, he still enjoyed talking to her, but he wasn't entirely sure what to make of most of their conversations. The most insane part of the whole thing was that she still wanted to talk to him. Of the two of them, she was undoubtedly the more interesting. High society aside, she was also the more important. His little corner of the world was valuable, and he really did care about the people of Cuidad De Matteo, but those were the only people his status was going to let him help. Zara and her family helped lots of people. Did that mean the proper, De Matteo, altruistic thing to do was to leave his home for good and set down roots someplace where he could have a greater impact? Or to leave that to people who were already doing such a great job and maintain the community his family had worked with for so long?

Come to think of it, there wasn't any real reason the De Matteos were in the position they were in other than the easy fact that they were magical and the people of Cuidad De Matteo were not, as a rule. Generations ago, some lucky De Matteo had been born there or stumbled upon the community and began helping people with his magic. Since then, the system of ruling - or whatever it was they did - had just been the natural course of things. It did seem a little odd that the De Matteos had become increasingly well off while the people of Cuidad De Matteo had certainly not. . . . That was a thought for another time.

"I do sort of," Felipe replied, running his hand through his hair again. The conversation had to inevitably turn to the whole reason he'd come to talk to her, but he suddenly found that he didn't want to. Well, wanted to even less than he had initially. What if she thought he was a violent person? He really wasn't. What did it say about him that the one time he let his emotions get away from him, he decked somebody? He couldn't imagine that Zara had a warm spot in her heart for Jeremy, but who knew? She had a warm spot in her heart for most people. "I did something really dumb, and I wanted to tell you before anyone else did," he said, looking away. Whatever else happened, he absolutely didn't want to cry. "I sort of . . . well I sort of punched Jeremy Mordue in the face."

22 Felipe De Matteo Oh, thanks a lot. 1434 0 5

Zara Jackson

January 04, 2020 5:58 AM

And kinda bad-ass by Zara Jackson

Zara paused, for the first time her light and sunny demeanour dipping as Felipe stated he’d done something very stupid and wanted to tell her before the gossip mill did. Her first thought was that it was Jessica. Or, to do with Jessica. Doing things with Jessica would be pretty fricking stupid and-

Oh.

Wow.

Zara actually laughed slightly.

“No freaking way, did you actually?” she asked, sounding more impressed than anything. “I mean… okay, yeah, objectively that’s not a great thing to do or whatever,” she gave the caveat with a roll of her eyes, “But seriously?” she asked again, her eyes sparkling. “That makes him a horrific blockhead, not you. If he goes around doing stuff that make people need to hit him in the face, that is entirely his own problem.” Felipe was kind and sweet. He was a person with a strong sense of right and wrong, and she couldn’t conceive of a situation where Jeremy - who was vile - would end up with a fist in his mouth without thoroughly deserving it. “Though you’re probably going to get pretty busted if the staff find out. And I bet he’s a tattle-tale,” she added with a grimace. She thought that maybe Jeremy’s fragile masculinity would not want to admit to being hit but his spoilt brat side definitely wouldn’t want to let someone get away with that. “What… What all happened?” she asked, wanting to know the full story.

13 Zara Jackson And kinda bad-ass 1444 0 5

Felipe De Matteo

January 04, 2020 5:47 PM

You really think so? by Felipe De Matteo

Felipe rarely had to look up at someone, because he rarely looked away during a conversation. So far, Professor Skies, his own mother, and now Zara were the notable exceptions. As a result, it was with a snap of the head that he looked back up at her when she laughed, shocking him out of the watery feeling in his chest and replacing it with confusion. When Zara sounded outright impressed, Felipe found himself wrestling with a number of other emotions as well. He sort of really liked that she was impressed, and he wasn't sure if that was because he liked impressing her, or because he liked that he had punched Jeremy and it felt good that someone else liked it too. Either of those were problematic but certainly the latter was worse. Then there was the issue where he had maybe sort of punched Jeremy because of something he'd said to Jessica, which was probably not appropriate to share but also he couldn't not share that piece of information at this point. But it hadn't been about Jessica, had it? It had been about Jeremy being racist and vulgar.

Felipe let himself relax some, and ended up grinning, a little embarrassed, as he nodded in confirmation. "He's got a real hard head, I can say that much," he added, holding up his bruised fist for inspection. "But the staff already found out. Professor Skies came in and found us and it was . . . not awesome." Felipe cared a great deal about Professor Skies' opinion of him, and even more so since seeing how she'd handled everything he'd put in front of her. She treated him like an adult as long as he acted like one, and that was more than he could say of most people.

"He was being racist and gross," Felipe said, wrinkling his face as his grin died. He cautioned a quick examination of Zara's face, wondering what he'd see there as he continued. "He said some really vulgar stuff about Jessica, and he's always so rude to everyone at Sonora. No one should talk about anyone else that way, but especially a guy talking about a lady. I didn't mean to punch him, though," he continued, keeping his voice even. It wasn't important that this had started because of Jessica, because right here and now, he was with Zara. "I sort of just . . . lost it. And then he hit me back, so we sort of went back and forth. It all happened really fast, and . . . "

None of this was funny. It was definitely absolutely not funny. It was horrible. But also it was a little funny. Felipe thought that his insides probably looked a bit like an apothecary, with little glass jars neatly labeled on shelves, each containing the feelings he worked so hard to bottle up. But he was feeling reckless and tired and it sounded like it would be a lot of fun to just knock the whole shelf over. What would happen if he just stopped bottling stuff up? What would he feel about people then? Or himself? Or the world? Would he have answers to questions that he couldn't figure out now? There were so many things that just didn't make any sense, but standing in the Gardens with Zara made lots of sense and that was a good feeling. Maybe if he just stopped bottling it up . . .

The effort of keeping track of all his little bottles first broke the surface when he punched Jeremy in the face, but now it was different. Now he felt like he might laugh. He hadn't been able to help smiling and he really did feel good with Zara. And maybe it was all horrible but also it was a little bit funny.

He pressed his lips together and his eyebrows rose in some surprise as a chuckle bubbled up in his chest. Then he grinned again, and then he couldn't help the burst of laughter that came out. And then he was laughing so hard it hurt his stomach, not just because it was still bruised, and he couldn't remember ever having laughed so hard before.

22 Felipe De Matteo You really think so? 1434 0 5

Zara Jackson

January 06, 2020 3:31 AM

Yup by Zara Jackson

“Ouch,” Zara stated, her eyes a little wide as she appraised Felipe’s slightly bruised knuckles. She kind of wanted to reach out and take his hand but checked that impulse. Especially when he mentioned them getting caught. “Yikes. How much trouble are you in?” she asked.

“Ew,” she stated, crossing her arms grumpily when he stated Jeremy had been being racist and gross, “Well, I’m glad you stood up to him. He shouldn’t get away with saying horrible stuff. And he hit you, I’ll go hit him,” she muttered. Okay, maybe Felipe starting a fight meant he was likely to get hit, but she still kind of wanted to hurt someone who’d hurt him.

The other bit of what he said… ‘Bothered’ her was the wrong word. It was more like it… confused her. Felipe hadn’t been the biggest fan of Jessica last time they’d spoken. And, sure, you didn’t have to like someone to stand up when someone else was clearly in the wrong… She hoped that she had enough moral integrity that she would say something if she heard someone call Jessica the M word, even though Zara thought she was solidly the B word. But… well, Felipe had punched someone, said he hadn’t really meant to, and was now laughing more than she’d ever seen him laugh at anything.

“Are you okay?” she checked, smiling, trying not to take it too seriously, because the thought of Jeremy getting punched was inherently light-hearted as a topic, but she was also not quite sure what was going on in Felipe’s head right now. “What’s going on with you two now anyway?” she asked, “You and Jessica, I mean.” She had heard the cliffnotes version over the summer. That Felipe was mad and thought she was right about Jessica. She’d been gratified enough to hear that that she hadn’t pushed it too much, plus it had been Felipe’s time with her and she hadn’t wanted Jessica intruding, even if by reputation only. But now they were back at school, it seemed like it was going to get complicated to avoid the issue, and she honestly wasn’t sure she got what the whole thing was about. She knew that Jessica had a half sister and that she’d been secretive about it, and it had turned into a whole big drama. And it seemed like, if Felipe was wound tight enough to punch people and then have hysterics, it maybe wasn’t totally over…

13 Zara Jackson Yup 1444 0 5

Felipe De Matteo

January 06, 2020 2:22 PM

That's better than dumb at least. by Felipe De Matteo

CW: Implied mental health issues.

"Detention," Felipe grimaced, thinking of the look on Professor Skies' face as she reminded them that they were behaving inappropriately and particularly that Felipe was letting down his own values by engaging with Jeremy like that. It hurt to hear and it bruised his ego, neither of which Felipe liked much. "And I think there's some amount of natural punishment in the fact that I still have to share a room with Jeremy for three and half more years."

He smirked a little, not unkindly, when Zara offered to punch Jeremy as well. He was only half sure she was joking, but she didn't seem like she was about to go run off and do something rash - which was good because she was better than he was and if that proved untrue, then what would he have? - so he just dipped his head in playful gratitude.

When his mirth overtook him, it was short-lived. Zara seemed not nearly as amused as he was and her concern served to remind him that he was, once again, behaving inappropriately. He pulled himself together and forced himself not to cry. What was up with these mood swings? He'd been cackling in a very un-De Matteo way just a second before, and now he was about ready to curl up in a ball and cry, or else sleep for the next week.

"I'm sorry. I'm just . . . I'm really tired." He put one hand up to his face, as if to block out the world for just a moment before continuing. He didn't know how to express the kind of tired he was, but it wasn't exactly sleepy tired. He was just tired of everything: of pretending, of being sad, of being lonely. What was wrong with him? He wasn't alone, because he had Zara, and Leonor, and Katerina had been nice . . . what gave him the right to feel lonely? The idea of dying was not appealing in the least, which was probably good, but it did seem like it would be nice to just sort of . . . stop existing. Just for a minute. Or a while.

He took a breath, forcing air past the hitch in his throat and into his lungs. They weren't working so great, and he sort of felt like someone was holding on to them, limiting how much they could expand. As the conversation steered back to Jessica, Felipe fought with himself over whether he wanted to see exactly what Zara's face was doing, or if he absolutely did not. The former won out, and he searched her eyes before replying.

"What do you mean?" he asked, surprised by the defensive tone in his voice. He shook his head a little, as if to clear it. "We haven't talked. We don't talk. I'm . . . I'm sad I think. And I guess I'm angry. I'm really angry. But I'm sort of . . . I just . . . " What. The. Heck?! Why couldn't his own words come? He had a plethora of languages to choose from and nothing came to mind in any of them except the urge to shout. Sharing his emotions wasn't something he was particularly used to doing, and he wondered for a moment if that was why he was struggling - did he just lack the vocabulary? But that didn't seem likely as he knew lots of words he didn't use often. It was more than that. How could he explain that he was angry at the world for making Jessica what she was, and also angry at Jessica for succumbing to those forces around her? "I feel so disappointed. In Jessica. In me." His voice grew softer. "In my family." He took a deep breath and blinked hard to clear his vision. "I'm just so tired."

22 Felipe De Matteo That's better than dumb at least. 1434 0 5

Zara Jackson

January 06, 2020 11:32 PM

You'e both by Zara Jackson

"Yeah," Zara grimaced when Felipe pointed out that the continued existence of Jeremy in his room was a natural punishment. It might have been tempting to say that that was deserved or that Felipe had really not helped himself or thought that one through. However, as far as Zara was concerned, he had already been punished by having Jeremy for a roommate for the last two years but without having even committed any crime. Still, it was going to be a lot worse now...

"Hey, interesting fact for you... You know how magical people say 'hexing yourself in your own hand' for... well, what you just did. Non-magical people have the same phrase - shooting yourself in the foot." Mostly, she thought that was just interesting and maybe would be a pleasant slight distraction, although as she said it, a further point occurred to her, "So, y'know, if it helps, the tendency to be that much of a dumbass is apparently universal," she offered, with a sympathetic smile to show there was no judgement there.

Things with Jessica were still all bleugh. Zara could hardly say she thought that was a loss in itself. She would have been quite happy for Jessica to fall by the wayside. But Felipe... Felipe was tired, he was almost snappy, he had lost his temper with someone... He did not seem like Felipe, and Jessica was the only thing she could see that had changed significantly. She might not have cared about her being out of Felipe's life but she cared about him hurting over it. So, trust Jessica for her non-presence to be just as much of an issue as her presence. Ugh.

"Kinda seems like that's a lot to deal with," she stated softly when he said that... well, basically everything was a problem. "Walk and talk?" she suggested, seeing as it was starting to feel sort of intense just standing there. She crooked her elbow, inviting Felipe with a nod to link arms if he wanted. "Why are you disappointed in yourself or your family?" she asked, figuring he might need a jumping off point, and not quite getting that part of it herself.

13 Zara Jackson You'e both 1444 0 5

Felipe De Matteo

January 08, 2020 10:15 PM

Ouch! Right in the ego. And the hormones. by Felipe De Matteo

Zara was nice and smart. He wasn't totally sure whether she was offering random facts because she was a bit absent minded or because she was trying to make him feel better or because she really just was that smart, but it did achieve a ghost of a smile. "I have not heard either of those phrases," Felipe admitted. "But I think my father says something similar. It means something like . . . like 'pulled all the weeds from the herb garden,' but 'weeds' and 'herbs' are the same word in Spanish so it doesn't make as much sense in English."

He felt silly and childish for sharing so much of what was inside his head, and might have regretted it if Zara hadn't been so kind. She was soft and gentle and didn't make fun of him or tell him to get over it. On one hand, that made him feel a lot better. At the same time, it made him feel a little worse. Zara was nice and shouldn't have to deal with entitled little princes thinking that their lot in life was anything other than easy. It made his stomach churn, but it didn't make much to do that these days.

He accepted the offer to walk and talk, adjusting so that she could put her arm through his instead of the other way around, as he didn't think he could walk and talk and stoop for very long. It was comfortable and easy and warm and really tingly and he thought that was ridiculous.

She asked why he was disappointed in himself and his family and he almost laughed again. "Funny enough, for sort of opposite reasons. I'm not right for the person I am supposed to be," he said, speaking slowly as he mulled over each word before letting it out. "Leonor would do better. My parents are doing better. I'm not the right person for any of what they expect of me. I'm disappointed in myself for letting them down, and in them for having those expectations in the first place. It doesn't make any sense to me to pick an heir based on birth order or gender. Leonor would be much better for that job."

Something pricked at the back of his mind and he considered for a moment to let the thought become fully formed before putting words to it. He was well aware that his inflated ego was defaulting rapidly - or shriveling up and hiding perhaps - due to his candid explanation, but he didn't have the energy to care about his ego at the moment. That thought aside, there was something else. He looked at Zara with a softer expression, not letting his frustration come out at the one person who had never deserved to see it. "Zara, why do you do this? All of this," he clarified, gesturing at her as a whole with his free hand. "Why are you so kind to me all the time when I'm probably a lot more like Jeremy than I am like you. I'd like to be more like you, but I'm just . . . not. Why do you stick around?"

22 Felipe De Matteo Ouch! Right in the ego. And the hormones. 1434 0 5

Zara Jackson

January 09, 2020 8:35 PM

You are better than you think though by Zara Jackson

“That’s cool,” Zara smiled, when he explained about the Spanish idiom, “You should bring stuff like that up with my dad. He finds it all super interesting.” Admittedly, his field was more the cross-overs between the magical and non-magical world - phrases that had analogies or that had none. Like how hard it was to talk about doing things without needing to think about it in the magical world. You pretty much had to say that. There was no automatic, and no contrast to give it negative connotations with ‘robotic.’

As Felipe explained the situation further, she still wasn’t sure what to think. He had voiced occasional worries about not being good enough before but she wasn’t really sure what to do with them, or where they came from - she wasn’t sure she understood enough of what was ‘expected’ of him to be a qualified judge of whether he was up to it. She saw only good things in him. In some ways, she suspected he wasn’t up to it, but that was because right now he was thirteen and no one should have expected a thirteen year old to be capable of running anything more complicated than a bake sale. She doubted anyone really did. By the time Felipe was expected to do… whatever, he was going to be a totally different person, and she couldn’t get her head around the idea that he had some deep character flaw that made that impossible. Unless he just didn’t want the spotlight. That she could believe.

“Yeah, the sexist crap can go take a hike. I mean, maybe that could change? Traditions do change, all the time. Perhaps your great contribution could be convincing them to let Leonor do it."

She was about to dive into some of other thoughts but the next line out of his mouth shocked her so much she ground to a halt, presumably dragging Felipe to one too.

"What?" she asked, staring at him in shock. The one thing she knew about Jeremy was that he thought blood mattered - that his was better than hers. And for a horrible moment she thought Felipe was saying that too - that his family's beliefs were built on that, even if his personally weren't. But reason caught up with her. Felipe's family had been nothing but kind, polite and interested in her and her family. Was he calling that all a show? Was it just politness whilst they privately thought all that 'Muggle junk' was useless? That didn't seem possible but she couldn't see any other reason why anyone would say they were like Jeremy Mordue. "Jeremy's core value is thinking people like me are trash, and that what my family does is, at best, pointless, and at worst deplorable. He would never even treat someone like me with courtesy, let alone as a friend. What can you possibly think you have in common with him?" she asked, sounding appalled.

13 Zara Jackson You are better than you think though 1444 0 5

Felipe De Matteo

January 09, 2020 9:45 PM

And a lot worse than you think. by Felipe De Matteo

Perhaps your great contribution could be convincing them to let Leonor do it.

Felipe blinked, and swallowed hard. That had been something they'd talked about once, when they were much younger. Back when he and Leonor were really close. They still were close, but it was different now. Everything was different now. It would have been so nice if they weren't different and . . . well why did they have to be different? He hadn't ever thought of his parents as sexist, but he didn't ever really think of Zara as wrong and he doubted she was now. Truth be told, if one of the professors at school talked about Zara the way his own family talked about Leonor, he would be mad. If Zara had an older brother and he got any advantages that she didn't, Felipe would be furious. He certainly didn't view his female classmates as less than him. Right? It wasn't something he knew what to do with at the moment, so he pushed the thought to the back of his mind.

Opening up about his feelings was not comfortable for Felipe. He felt like he was probably being pathetic. He felt like he was weak and ridiculous. Even hearing himself say everything out loud made him pretty sure that he was just being pathetic about it all. 'Oh, feel bad for me, I'm due to inherit a bunch of stuff, boo.' His mood shifted from self-pitying and self-loathing to embarrassed as his mind backpedaled at Zara's response.

First of all, she was a whole lot stronger than he expected and he was in no mood to try and keep walking against the force of her stopping. It didn't help that he had grown quite a bit over the summer, and while Zara was not a lot shorter than he was, she was shorter enough that her sudden stop pulled his arm both back and down some. He was in the uncomfortable position of standing, facing her, with their arms linked, and feeling utterly small then. Part of him hated that, but some part of him also respected her tenacity.

It was her comments that made his mind reel though. "No, no, no, no, that's not what I meant. Lo jodí," he muttered the last to himself as he tried to think about how to rephrase what he'd been trying to say. "I didn't mean that. I think you are wonderful and your family is wonderful and you're wonderful. Eres maravillosa, lo siento mucho. I just meant that I think he's not the only arrogant, pompous, self-centered guy in my dorm." It all sounded so awful coming out of his mouth. He wasn't sure whether it was because he didn't have the right words to say what he meant, or just because what he meant was exactly as awful as it sounded. He took a breath and tried to just think. It was really frustrating that that seemed to be his last resort anymore. "You're wonderful. I'm sorry; I didn't mean to say something hurtful."

OOC - He said "I screwed up" and "You are wonderful, I'm so sorry." At least, Google Translate did.

22 Felipe De Matteo And a lot worse than you think. 1434 0 5

Zara Jackson

January 10, 2020 6:27 AM

Did you murder someone? by Zara Jackson

Aw. She made him Spanish. It was obvious enough that he had gotten all flustered but that just underlined it. She felt slightly bad, and also slightly like smacking him over the head for being a dumbass, and also like he was kinda cute. When not being a dumbass.

"You didn't hurt me. And I know," she said more softly, "You never stop saying that, and I never believe you think anything but that. But that's kind of my point... It proves a whole world of difference between your outlook and his. I have never seen any evidence that you are any of those things, and if you don't stop saying them, I might have to beat you up for insulting someone I care about," she pointed out, sort of joking but also sounding kind of fierce. She really did want to shake some self-belief into him and, if telling him he was a good person didn't work, she wondered if she might try the literal approach.

"I don't think arrogant really goes hand in hand with someone who keeps saying they aren't good enough either," she pointed out, wondering if he was receptive to logic. Obviously he had some kind of chip on his shoulder about himself but surely he had to see that some of the things he was saying were totally contradictory. Unless he was hiding some really dark and terrible secret and-

"You're not hiding some really dark and terrible secret are you?" she checked because screw being anything except direct about things. Tiptoeing around points did not get you anywhere fast.

13 Zara Jackson Did you murder someone? 1444 0 5

Felipe De Matteo

January 10, 2020 6:23 PM

Well... no.... by Felipe De Matteo

Felipe breathed a sigh of relief, letting a little more of it show on his face than he normally would. He had the sudden instinct to just sort of wrap Zara up in a hug and not let go. She really was nice, even when he was making a fool of himself - which was pretty often - and he couldn't bear it if something happened between them like it had with Jessica. That already hurt and was awful, but Jessica was more human somehow than Zara was. Zara was too good to be bad and if anything ever happened between them, it would either mean that the entire world had go mad and Zara had become crappy too, or it would mean that he had screwed up too much or just too many times. The latter was far more likely, and he thought that if he could just wrap her up and hold on, then maybe he wouldn't ever have to let go. Or he'd get his feet stomped on and she'd run away wondering why he was suddenly holding on to her.

"Thanks for thinking that about me," he mumbled, running his hand through his hair. He'd always done it but he couldn't help worrying a little bit that his sudden increase in the behavior would make him go bald. Her logic also made a lot of sense, which was irritating. It wasn't that he necessarily wanted to feel bad for himself, but he also didn't want to be a big dummy who couldn't manage basic logic. That was the one thing he actually sort of did have going for him.

He chuckled at Zara's question and pretended to think about it for a moment. There were things that came to mind to say - nice things that would definitely make him look more like a weirdo than the flower rock thing had - but he kept them to himself and shook his head. They weren't terrible things anyway, so any secrets he had were not to worry about.

"Just one," he said conspiratorially. Leaning in and pretending to look around, he stage whispered close to Zara's ear: "If I could give it all up and travel the world with my adventure buddy, I would without a second thought."

The nerves that had been building in his chest relaxed dramatically. He'd really said it out loud. He must really have meant it. Maybe if he was lucky, he'd figure out how to do it.

22 Felipe De Matteo Well... no.... 1434 0 5

Zara Jackson

January 11, 2020 12:25 AM

K, so we have a baseline by Zara Jackson

“You make it easy,” she assured him, when he thanked her for thinking of him like that.

He seemed to weigh up her question for a minute, but luckily when the answer came it was more joking than anything. Well… It was not a confession of a terrible secret, anyway. She was sure he meant it.

“Not sure that’s a secret,” she challenged, raising her eyebrows at him, “And I’m not sure it’s terrible,” she added. And, in her own head, And I’m not sure it’s impossible. Felipe, after all, talked about spending his childhood travelling around as part of his education. Why, when the time came to be the grand man of the De Matteo household, would the same pattern not hold true? Even her dad got to travel sometimes for academic conferences. Sure, not everyone’s job involved travel, but plenty of them could, and nothing Felipe had said about his own childhood implied that it would be out of the question for him. Partly out of optimism and partly out of childish naivety, she didn’t really differentiate travelling for work from travelling for pleasure - it was all getting to go places, after all.

“You travelled when you were a kid, right?” she added, “And like… you seem to worry a lot about when you have all these duties, but,” she refrained from saying ‘isn’t that a long way off?’ because she knew some Purebloods forced a lot on their kids at quite a young age. It was still hard to think of Felipe in those terms because he was so different than Them. She knew they might push certain things his way kind of early, but equally, heads of families lived for freaking ever, and it wasn’t like it was all about to land on his plate. Or, if the De Matteos passed over all responsibility as soon as someone turned eighteen, all he had to do was pop out a sprog and wait a couple of decades for his freedom to be restored. Okay, that did sound like forever in her head, but there was no way that being the De Matteo heir could mean he was never gonna have fun again, “But what all do they expect of you and when?” she checked.

13 Zara Jackson K, so we have a baseline 1444 0 5

Felipe De Matteo

January 19, 2020 4:31 PM

That's a pretty low baseline. by Felipe De Matteo

Felipe smiled, glad she didn't think it was terrible. He liked to think that maybe she would even be interested in traveling with him, were that a possibility. It was nice to think about at least.

"I traveled," he nodded. "But mostly just for our lessons or for meetings with other families. Sort of . . . like I haven't really gotten to 'travel' to Arizona, even though I'm at Sonora most of the year. I haven't really seen much of those places, and the parts that I have seen were mostly confined to whatever related to the lesson we were working on with our tutors" He wondered what that sounded like to Zara. He knew many people weren't so lucky to have private tutors and travel the world and he wondered if she would hear that he really was frustrated with the lot he'd been dealt, or whether she'd think he was just another pompous jerk for thinking it was that bad at all.

A conversation about his family's expectations was . . . new. Thinking about it, he wasn't sure it was something he'd ever talked about outside of the family, and even within the family, those conversations were limited to Felipe and his parents, if not just his father. Leonor wasn't invited in, and the other families who were consulted only ever got pieces of the picture. He remembered walking around Cuidad de Matteo with his father once when he was eight or nine, and they came to a hill where flowers and trees were growing. It was peaceful and sweet and perfect, and then it wasn't at all.

"Your mother and I got married here," Felipe's father said in Spanish. "She had just turned seventeen, and I was a few months shy of eighteen. She was so beautiful." Felipe smiled, trying to imagine what his mom would have looked like. She was only in her mid-twenties now, so it wasn't that long ago, but it was an entire lifetime ago for Felipe. "This is where you'll get married, too. Just think, ten years from now, you will probably be a husband. Might even be a father!"

Felipe looked away, his eyebrows knitting together. Nearby, there was a small flower growing from beneath a rock, curling up towards the sun. He kicked the rock out of the way and watched, horrified, as it knocked through a patch of dandelions, sending all their fluffy white wishes into the sky. He hoped he wasn't the rock.

Marriage wasn't necessarily a subject he wanted to broach with Zara, as she had made it quite clear their families had differing opinions on such things, but he also didn't want to hide it from her, particularly as she was undoubtedly on his parents' radar. He felt like he was wearing a lodestone carved with his seventeenth birthday, and just hoping he'd be strong enough to carry it by then.

"That I'll find a wife, and have kids to continue the family line," Felipe said quietly, looking towards the ground in search of other flowers here. "My father would like me to be married before I'm twenty, and twenty would be very late, and begin taking over family affairs by then. Their goal is to have me take everything over for Cuidad de Matteo and Los Jardines de Plata by the time I'm twenty - solidly in place by twenty - so they can begin making their way around the countryside to help people in a more hands-on way, and possibly begin diplomacy work with other local families and estates." He tried his best not to do the math in his head. Twenty was so soon. "That I'll stay at Los Jardines de Plata," he added, bringing the conversation back to talk of traveling. "I'm not so sure I-- I'm not sure I am the best person for that job."

22 Felipe De Matteo That's a pretty low baseline. 1434 0 5