Zara Jackson
October 27, 2019 12:56 AM
It did not go well (Tag Felipe) by Zara Jackson
If Felipe was in the Crotalus Common Room, she was doomed. Luckily, Zara knew him pretty well. Maybe that was because he was her best friend. Maybe it was because she was someone who listened, not a self-involved little snotrag. He spent a lot of time in the gardens, but it was about the time he ate dinner, and so she made her way to Cascade Hall, finding him at the Crotalus table. It was not a place she particularly wanted to sit, doubting very much that she was particularly welcome there, but she was welcome with Felipe, and that was what mattered.She made her way over. Her hands with still shaking with all the unreleased adrenaline of her not-quite-fight with Jessica. She was pretty sure she had effectively communicated that she was pissed off, but she had held back on so very much of what she had wanted to say.
She took a seat by Felipe, her usual grin completely absent, her whole body radiating obvious tension and upset, the kind of friction that usually ran through her when she overheard some particularly obnoxious remark by some Pureblood.
“What the heck is up with that Jessica girl you’re always hanging out with?” she asked, and it might have sounded accusatory if angry tears hadn’t sprung to her eyes. Felipe was the nicest person she’d ever met, and she didn’t understand how he could be caught up with someone so cold, so calculating and so mean. She didn’t want him around someone like that, for his own sake, and she was also still burning with anger at the way Jessica had just treated her. Like she was a resource. Like she was an opportunity to be taken advantage of. “She’s awful! How can you stand her?” she asked.
13
Zara Jackson
It did not go well (Tag Felipe)
1444
Zara Jackson
1
5
Felipe De Matteo
October 28, 2019 3:31 AM
I can't fight this one for you. by Felipe De Matteo
Felipe was fully immersed in the experience of eating mashed potatoes. They were delicious and warm and creamy and so delicious and just . . . it was a great time. It was not a dish he had had often and if he had them everyday for the rest of his life, he'd probably be just fine with that. He also had a big glass of pineapple juice, and that was delicious too. It was a funky combination but both things were too delicious and he was feeling almost perfectly happy. When he recognized Zara as the person sitting near him, his happiness was completely perfect. At least for a moment.He started to grin his usual sheepish smile - sheepish partly because he was always a little embarrassed to be seen eating the way he did when he was not at home - but it faltered when he saw how angry and sad Zara looked. He had never seen her look like that before and could only assume that was her emotion based on the fact that he'd seen other people look like that. Something in him felt angry and dangerous as it was clear Zara was hurting and Felipe would have been glad to absolutely shatter anyone's face for hurting Zara. Except then Zara explained a little bit and Felipe's stomach dropped.
"Oh no," Felipe said sincerely, frowning with genuine sympathy and a little empathy.
Some part of him, the part trained in diplomacy and negotiation, suspected that Jessica probably felt similarly about the issue. He was also acutely aware of the fact that they were sitting at the Crotalus table and that Jessica could theoretically join them. Still, neither of those things was nearly as important as the fact that Zara - the sunshine itself - was hurting.
Felipe relinquished his food without a second thought and wiped his hands on a napkin. "Do you want a hug? What can I do?" he offered first, valuing both reassurance and consent. He was also pretty sure that conversations were always a bit more stable and easier to work through when everyone was in a stable emotional space. His father had often taken the time to cheer a devastated homeowner after the loss of his belongings before asking any more questions about what had gone on. It was important to feel ready to talk about it before actually talking about it.
Once he was sure that Zara was up to a discussion, or at least as up to a discussion as she could be, Felipe cocked his head and frowned at his friend. She was so nice and no one should make her cry. The worst part was that he wasn't actually having that hard of a time believing that Jessica had done something awful. It was largely the way of the elite of the world, the class of people who either were above others or who thought they were. It was the way of his own family in many cases, even if they worked hard to act otherwise. It was the reason for the lessons Felipe's parents had worked so tirelessly to teach him and the very reason that he cared so much for Zara. It made him feel guilty that he so easily dismissed the potential perspective of his other friend in favor of this one and he hated being in the middle. Of course, he'd also had a lifetime of training on being in the middle of conflicts and choosing a side wisely if it came to that. He just didn't want it to come to that.
"Do you want to tell me what happened?" he asked softly, choosing his words with deliberate neutrality.
22
Felipe De Matteo
I can't fight this one for you.
1434
Felipe De Matteo
0
5
Zara
October 28, 2019 7:10 AM
I'm not asking you to by Zara
“Hug would be nice,” Zara agreed. She leant into Felipe’s shoulder, allowing his arms to go around her and giving him a firm, quick squeeze before letting go. Just a moment. Like a sharp blast of fresh air to jolt you back to your senses. She didn’t need to get all snuggly at the table, that would be weird. She felt less tense for being hugged though, and managed a shadow of a smile. “Thanks,” she offered.“She came up to me in the library,” she began, when he asked if she wanted to talk, confirming that clearly she did. She had more or less taken that as a rhetorical question. People talked. That was what they did. “And at first, she was asking about my family’s Center. Like, in kind of a weird way, but… whatever. So I told her what we do. And then she just started spouting all this stuff about how… how her parents would probably love to be involved with what my parents do or something, and her family’s politics. But then in the next breath was calling it all useless – like, saying it was a waste of time to even talk to me, because of Secrecy stuff. So basically, if she and her family can’t score brownie points or publicise their work, it’s all a waste of time. So, I told her I really wasn’t interested in being talked at like I’m a business opportunity – or worse still, some token ‘cause’ that they can show they’re ‘invested in’– and then she got all offended with me acting like… I don’t know. Like I wasn’t trying hard enough to be her friend.
“Does she talk to you like that?” she asked. She’d had Jessica’s answer on that, of course, but she trusted her about as far as she could throw her. “Like you’re an opportunity instead of a human being?”
13
Zara
I'm not asking you to
1444
Zara
0
5
Felipe De Matteo
October 28, 2019 6:50 PM
Then I'm all yours. by Felipe De Matteo
At first, it didn't sound too bad. Then it got weird. Then it got worse. Even without having grown up in the United States, it wasn't hard to guess at what sort of historical traumas might have lingered over the countries and what sort of things Zara had grown up hearing, or what sort of things some of the people in Jessica's family had grown up saying. He wanted to believe it was a messed up accident of fate or else a cosmic joke that just didn't land right, but that wasn't it. It wasn't an accident to be like that because the obvious choice was just not to be. The thought triggered something in him that he knew he would need to dissect later - something about culpability and his own attitudes towards other - but he pushed that aside for now; Zara was still hurting.The awkward part was that he was pretty sure he could defined Jessica easily enough. The words sprang to his mind unbidden as he thought of Jessica's struggles to acclimate and some of what he knew about her parents and the very real ostracization she was experiencing at home. At the same time, if she had been horrible . . . Maybe it was all an accident after all. Maybe she didn't mean to hurt Zara. He really hoped not.
The other part that was difficult for Felipe was the fact that feelings were not his thing. He avoided them because they were just easier to ignore than to handle. It wasn't that he felt anything particularly difficult, but anything could become difficult. Negotiation and diplomacy were best done neutrally, and planning how best to serve a people was not something that could be done well if done emotionally. At the same time, Zara was his friend, not a subject. He wasn't entirely sure what that meant.
"You aren't a waste of time at all and you're much more than your family's center," Felipe began, speaking slowly. There was no mistaking it for deceptiveness as he was clearly searching for the words that would help rather than the words that would shape or harm. He was careful; that wouldn't surprise Zara. "I'm sorry that happened."
When Zara asked whether Jessica treated him like that, Felipe shook his head instinctively. Before giving more than that for an answer, he thought about it again. He wanted to be honest, and that required being certain.
"No, never," Felipe promised. He wasn't entirely sure what a cosmetics heiress would want from him anyway, but that was beside the point. "She's been a really good friend to me so far. I'm not sure why she would be mean to you. Do you think she meant to be mean?" he was hoping desperately to be understood and it was one of the first times he would have preferred Spanish. He was usually perfectly comfortable in English and considered himself nearly as fluent in English as in Spanish, but it wasn't the language of his thoughts and this wasn't his native culture; he couldn't be sure he wasn't saying something wrong or doing something wrong.
Also friends were a new thing.
"I know she's had a really hard time adjusting and her family hasn't been supportive at all. Do you think that was it? Or was she trying to be mean on purpose?"
Some part of him wanted to ask whether Jessica was projecting because she felt like she was the waste of time and Zara, as a representative of her own two worlds colliding in a way that was much more harmonious than her own experiences, thus proving that she must be the one - or the family - doing it wrong, rather than it just being an inherent conflict, was just too painful. But Felipe didn't have the words for that, just the notion and maybe the suspicion. He couldn't begin to place words on it. He also wasn't sure whether he would be willing to admit to the fact that it resonated with him.
22
Felipe De Matteo
Then I'm all yours.
1434
Felipe De Matteo
0
5
Zara Jackson
October 29, 2019 9:07 AM
You're cute by Zara Jackson
Felipe sounded… not insincere, she decided, because she knew him well enough to trust that he wasn’t. But rehearsed. He was trying though. Admittedly, sometimes, in both senses. He was trying, in that he was making the effort, but also in that he could be slightly annoying. In a cute way. Like, she just wanted to shake him or really surprise him and just have him have an unguarded feeling and realise it wasn’t going to kill him. She didn’t get into the politics of apologising on behalf of other people, especially as it was a clearly articulated ‘I am sorry that happened’ and she didn’t want to diminish his efforts, though she thought that might be a subject for another day.“Thanks,” she said, meaning it as much she knew he meant what he said, underneath the stiff, formal exterior.
“Not mean on purpose,” she confirmed, “Not even mean,” she acknowledged, “Just…” she let out a frustrated huff. “Like… her whole way of trying to relate to me is ‘hi, what do you reckon we can get from each other.’ That doesn’t feel nice. And then I started thinking whether she was doing that to you too - you’re sure she isn’t?” she checked. She had been relieved to hear Felipe say it, but it was so hard to believe that Jessica could be two such radically different people. She was clearly obsessed with her family’s business. What Felipe said about her having a hard time adjusting, and her family not being supportive registered too. It wasn’t like she hadn’t got a glimpse of that. And yeah, she knew it was sucky, but… what, she wanted to trot Zara out as an opportunity, or throw their families at each other to try and make her own like her again? As Zara had said, if her family needed her to strike business deals at twelve to consider her a worthwhile person then that sucked, but Zara was not a commodity to be used in order to try and fix that. Whatever way you looked it, it felt like a search for a resource, not a friend. “She doesn’t talk about like… business opportunities between your families? Or… funding for stuff? Or like, whether you’ll tie in with their political platform suitably?” she checked. “I wouldn’t want someone to be treating you like that.”
13
Zara Jackson
You're cute
1444
Zara Jackson
0
5
Felipe De Matteo
October 29, 2019 1:46 PM
Me??? by Felipe De Matteo
Felipe nodded curtly. "Thanks" was the appropriate response, and so he didn't think too much about whether she meant it or not. It did strike him as more formal than Zara might usually have been, but it was appropriate and so he didn't think into it much more than that.His ears felt warm and his stomach ached when Zara explained exactly what it was that had bothered her because he knew he was likely to do the same thing. It hurt to think that Zara would hate him for that. He supposed he had the advantage of a fiefdom instead of a business, as he wasn't looking to make new connections the same way, but he couldn't help feeling bad for Jessica. Her way of relating to the world wasn't so different from his. So why did it bother Zara so much more the way Jessica did it and not him? Just because they were both girls? That didn't seem important. Well, it was very important, but probably only to him and his family. The thought made him feel worse though as he realized that the great De Matteos did indeed view both of his friends as potential resources for him down the road. It was the closest he'd ever come to hating his heritage.
"No, she's never done that to me," he assured her again. His tone was softer than he was feeling, which was good. He was able to keep himself focused on Zara hurting rather than whatever it was he was feeling. "But..." He faltered. "I don't know." Deciding what he was going to say was absolutely not what he wanted to say, he changed course. "I don't know how I can help. I wonder if Jessica was really trying to be friends and just went about it the wrong way? It made sense to her to think that way, and only hurt you by accident. You're still hurt though." He frowned again and resisted the urge to punch something. "What can I do?"
22
Felipe De Matteo
Me???
1434
Felipe De Matteo
0
5
Zara Jackson
October 29, 2019 7:31 PM
Yeah, dumbass by Zara Jackson
You're still hurt though.It was those words that were the saving grace on what Felipe was saying. Zara was pretty sure that being a butthole by accident did not excuse being a butthole. The problem was that the person was still fundamentally a butthole, and whilst not being overt or deliberate, the fact that they could be like that and not see a problem was a problem in itself. Like unintentional racism, or people who began sentences with 'I'm not racist but...' The idea that Zara ought to compromise and meet them in the middle, that it wasn't okay to call out the problem with their atttitudes because they hadn't meant it and you might hurt their feelings - all of that was wrong. Still, that was a separate issue, and one she wasn't going to drag in as an analogy here because that would only escalate things.
"I'll live," she assured Felipe, regarding the fact she was hurt, offering him a wry smile.
"You're already doing the right thing," she assured him. He was listening. She didn't agree with everything he was saying, but she could recognise that he was somewhat caught in the middle here. At least, if his reaction wasn't to want to throw Jessica under a bus or never speak to her again, which did not seem to be on the cards. She had to admit that was a shame. She sort of wanted him to be horrified and not to like Jessica any more, because it really felt like he would be safer without a 'friend' like that in his life. But she wasn't like that to him (yet). Equally, he wasn't disbelieving that she had been like that to Zara (even if he was annoyingly willing to make excuses for her). That placed him firmly in the middle, which was not a fun place to be, and in the potential role of mediator.
"I'm guessing that 'never speak to her again' isn't an option?" she tried, her tone making it clear that she was not really serious (though if he wanted to go for it, fine by her). "What do you wanna do about it?" she asked.
13
Zara Jackson
Yeah, dumbass
1444
Zara Jackson
0
5
Felipe De Matteo
November 02, 2019 12:04 AM
*shock* by Felipe De Matteo
Felipe grimaced. He didn't want to say he wouldn't talk to Jessica again, but he also didn't want Zara to feel like she wasn't worth cutting off friendships that were painful for her. He certainly wouldn't have cut off Zara for Jessica, and the fact that it was even a possibility in Zara's mind sort of stung in a way. Putting that aside, he focused on his role as the Understanding Friend and shook his head."I'm not sure what the best course of action would be," he admitted, choosing a non-answer for the first question. Turning in on himself was his tendency and he knew he was prone to do it even more when he was trying to come up with the answer for something, but he didn't want to do that now. But also he did. Everything was hard. Why was friendship so hard? Did his father have these problems? He couldn't even think of anyone his father would call a friend except maybe Felipe's mother. "Do you think that you would like to try to get to know her again? Or would you rather not?"
Ideally, they could all spend time together and everything would be easy and perfect. Realistically, that did not seem like it would happen probably ever. Which was interesting to Felipe because he was pretty sure that if they both liked him alright, they should both like each other. Alas, that didn't seem to be the case.
"Would you like me to interfere or do you prefer I stay out of it?" he added, almost by way of clarification. Zara's and Jessica's relationship was their business, but the way in which Felipe was involved was an entirely different issue.
22
Felipe De Matteo
*shock*
1434
0
5
Zara Jackson
November 05, 2019 12:15 AM
*wink* by Zara Jackson
Zara suspected there was not a lot to salvage between her and Jessica. Nothing Felipe was saying was making her feel like this was all just a misunderstanding. She got what he was saying, that maybe Jessica had been trying, and that was just what it looked like on her. Zara was willing to admit that Jessica had not been deliberately horrible, but that was not a radical shift in position because she probably would not have said that in the first place. What that left was just someone who was fundamentally not on the same wavelength as she was, and who she couldn't see how she would find common ground with. She could not see herself voluntarily seeking out Jessica's company. However, she wasn't about to start World War III with her either. Zara wanted Felipe to be safe and happy. She couldn't trust Jessica with that, but clearly fighting with her would make it worse for her friend."I don't really plan on going out of my way to see her, but I'll be nice if she is," Zara shrugged. "I'm not going to ask you to do anything about it, that doesn't seem fair," she reasoned. "Unless you want to. Like, if this bugs you and want to fix it, you can try, but if you'd rather just... let us exist as separate entities, that's more than fine by me. Urgh, I don't want you to end up in the middle, and I swear I am not starting anything with her." I just don't understand the appeal of someone who talks at you like an opportunity instead of to you like a human being. But she kept that to herself. She had said as much already, and Felipe seemed only a certain degree of willing or able to see that problem.
At that moment Jessica walked in. Zara felt the momentary stab of guilt and embarrassment as she suspected Jessica knew full well she was being discussed. But hey, if she didn't want people her calling her an appalling human behind her back maybe she should try not acting like one. Case in point, she made her way over to Teppenpaw to sit with Johana Leonie. Okay, so Zara was at Jessica's house table but that was because Zara's friend had happened to be sitting here. As far as Zara knew, Jessica had never bothered to take any form of interest in Johana Leonie. Until now. Where she could be treated like a convenient little pawn to try and make Zara jealous. The softness that had been coming back into her face as she talked to Felipe vanished abruptly, her lips pursed together. She managed not to throw evils at the other girl but it was a near thing.
13
Zara Jackson
*wink*
1444
0
5
Felipe De Matteo
November 08, 2019 9:41 PM
Is this a flirt? by Felipe De Matteo
Felipe followed Zara's gaze as she finished what she was saying and couldn't help grimacing right alongside his friend. The middle was becoming more and more of a crappy place to be and he sort of hated everyone in the world for a minute. At the same time, he knew that people couldn't really help being human, and that was also what made them so beautiful. Probably. That sounded like something he was supposed to think. In the moment, he was just frustrated. He tried to remember what his parents would say because they were almost always right, and thus tried to put himself in each of his friends' shoes respectively.Jessica was obviously upset, as she wasn't usually petty. More than that, she was upset enough that she was trying to do something that would make her feel better but not necessarily that would hurt Zara. She probably wouldn't expect Zara to read into the social niceties as much as she did if what Zara was saying was exactly true. At the same time, she couldn't have accidentally selected Johana Leonie, which meant she was also sort of angling this maneuver at Zara. Again, that sort of social move had to be on purpose, and Jessica never did anything that could risk her social image, which meant she was hurting. Or she really legitimately didn't care what Felipe or Zara thought of her, which he doubted.
On the other hand, Zara had come straight to Felipe. That could've been because she was also being petty, but knowing Zara meant she was probably concerned. Legitimate worry was a strong driver, especially when you cared about someone. The only guaranteed bit of information from both friends was that they cared about their relationship with him, which sort of made his position worse but also meant a lot.
Then there was the wider problem of the fact that he was not from the gender or culture of either of his friends and when it all boiled down to the core elements of the tension, he had no idea what the heck was going on. Well, he'd tried at least.
"You're my friend," he promised Zara. "That's not going to change." His voice was confident and sincere, but some small piece of him, one that he tried to silence with the force of his will and fear, questioned whether he could really know that for sure. Por favor, Dios, no dejes que hoy sea mi último día feliz.
OOC: "Please, God, don't let today be my last happy day." - Google Translate
22
Felipe De Matteo
Is this a flirt?
1434
0
5