So you said you could fix me? on Charms

Evelyn Stones

September 22, 2019 3:28 PM

So you said you could fix me? by Evelyn Stones

Evelyn had spent most of winter break trying to recenter herself. It was an idea that nearly every world religion and spirituality suggested, and since that had been her primary literary interest for years, it made sense to her to return there for ideas. She'd meditated, prayed, and philosophized. She'd let go of some of her anger, if not the feelings of hurt that were behind it, and focused on relaxing whatever muscles magic used. Either as a result of this effort, or simply because the McLeod home felt safe to her, Evelyn hadn't had a single instance of accidental magic all break.

Still, she knew that she wasn't all better yet, and so it was with some amount of resignation that she returned to the place that had started it all for her.

When the time she'd arranged to meet with Professor Wright was nearly upon her, Evelyn took a moment to consider what she should bring. Share wore comfortable clothes under her robes, not sure whether they'd be doing any sort of physical drills or something, and packed parchment, ink and quills, and her wand in her bookbag, as well as a sweatshirt in case she took her robes off but was still cold. In her pocket was her Quaffle rock.

"Auf wiedersehen," Evelyn murmured to her room as she left it behind.

She made her way through Sonora with her mind buzzing and her stomach churning. In an effort not to focus on the nerves that made her giddy and a little sick, despite knowing rationally that this was a good thing happening, Evelyn tried to recount some of the names of people she was getting better for. She knew this would be hard - maybe impossible - and she wanted to have those people in her mind as she did it.

Ness, Heinrich, Edgar, Malikhi, Julius, Hilda, CJ, Mom, Dad, Ms. Heidi, Professor Skies... Ness, Heinrich, Edgar, Malikhi, Julius, Hilda, CJ, Mom, Dad, Ms. Heidi, Professor Skies...

Evelyn took a moment to pause outside Professor Wright's door. She considered the grain of the wood and the way the shadows flickered in the light. She considered the way her feet felt in her shoes and made a couscous effort to relax her toes. She considered the taste of her dry mouth and decided that determination tasted better than fear. Setting her shoulders, she knocked.

22 Evelyn Stones So you said you could fix me? 1422 Evelyn Stones 1 5

Professor Wright

September 24, 2019 6:33 PM

I...am not sure I put it quite that way. by Professor Wright

Gray had felt guilty about not realizing that Evelyn Stones was not in control of her powers - but not so guilty that he had had any intention of taking the lead in rectifying that problem. It was a role he had no business attempting to step into. He was barely, by his own measure, competent to teach. He was sure he only managed as Head of Aladren because the students in Aladren were self-sufficient by definition. He was utterly, utterly the wrong person to work one-on-one with a student potentially in crisis.

Bureaucracy's method for dealing with a problem was, apparently, on the same system as ten-year-olds trying to assign blame for a foul odor: Whoever smelt it, dealt it, and was therefore to deal with it. In children, of course, this merely meant being mocked and then temporarily ostracized. In his case, it was worse. He had presented a problem that needed a solution, as it wasn't going to go away on its own, so now he was supposed to fix it. Five minutes till his consequent meeting with Evelyn, then, Gray removed his glasses and cleaned them, staring grimly off into the middle distance. Here went nothing.

He slipped his glasses back on when he heard a knock on the door and said, "Come in."

His office, like his classroom, was mostly a professional space - a mostly blue and black one since he had become Head of Aladren - but touches of his personality had crept in over time. There were bookshelves, of course, these less organized than the ones in his classroom, and with a wider variety of subjects covered. On top of them were the flotsam and jetsam - souvenir trinkets, colorful rocks and shells, one very nice quill and stand he had never used - he'd picked up at different writers' retreats over the years. In a large pot near the window, there was a large pot where a tall, leafy plant grew; he had, for no reason he had been able to define, felt sorry for a discarded poinsettia at Christmas two years ago and had been entertaining himself by growing it in that pot ever since. It was currently just starting to turn red in places, because as it turned out, poinsettias naturally turned red in January, not December. His desk was mostly a jumble of papers that made sense more to him than anyone else, but there was a reading stand, a small desk organizer that helped him keep up with at least a necessary minimum number of writing supplies which were ready to use, and some magazine racks.

"Hi, Evelyn," he said, as pleasantly as possible. "Come in, have a seat," he offered.

He had brought in a tiny folding card table and chair to act as a second desk for her, one that was still a comfortable size for what they would need to do here but which wasn't as much of a problem for him to get around as dragging a classroom desk into the room. On the little table, there was a blank sheet of parchment, a quill, and an inkwell.

"First things first," he said. "We need to establish very clearly what we're here to do. So I'm going to ask you to come up with a vision statement." He felt distinctly stupid saying all this out loud, but the books he had read in haste over midterm suggested this was a good idea, and he had nothing better to go on. "This is like the 'x marks the spot' on a treasure map. What's one, no-comma sentence that describes where you want to end up?

"Once you have that, we can work on developing the mission - the steps that lead to the goal," he explained. "I have some places for us to start very broadly - concentration exercises and things - that we'll start this evening, but once we have a clear goal statement, then it gets easier to adjust it specifically to you."

He hesitated, then added, "There's a second sheet under that one," he said. "I remember the - incident - before midterm. If there's anything I should know - anything that might cause you stress - that you think I should know, then I'd appreciate it if you told me about it, or wrote it down in a letter if that's easier for you. You don't have to do either of those things, of course, but I suspect we'll make more progress more smoothly if you do."

16 Professor Wright I...am not sure I put it quite that way. 113 Professor Wright 0 5

Evelyn Stones

September 27, 2019 12:22 AM

I will get fixed and you will make it happen. by Evelyn Stones

Professor Wright was the sort who always looked like he might throw up or run away or just pull out a bottle of something he wasn't supposed to drink in front of students and poor them both a glass. He was one of the people that Evelyn was inspired by because he was a reminder that one didn't have to like the people you worked with to like your job. It wasn't that he was rude or mean or anything of the sort, but nothing about his demeanor screamed "I love children" and she doubted there was any sort of secret persona he had hidden away for private cavorting with the other professors. The thought made her want to laugh, but it was time to be serious and she just nodded as the professor invited her in and gave her the first of many sets of directions.

Evelyn felt sort of special for having her very own table in the professor's office, although she guessed he would tear it down when she left and set it up for another student later on. His office was nice, with papers and books and trinkets and personality all over. She thought that she could probably spend the entire day in his office, alternating between reading and looking around.

The words he used to describe their plan were all very practical, mundane, and almost muggleish, which Evelyn appreciated. She felt more at ease and found herself nodding along as he spoke. Removing her bookbag and setting it beside her designated chair, she kept her eyes on the professor until he was done, wanting to make sure she gave every sign of respect and obedience as they tackled the entirety of her problems. It was going to suck a whole lot and having a good relationship with the professor was better than butting heads the whole time. For better or worse, they were stuck together now; Evelyn thought it was for the better.

"Thank you, Professor," she said when he'd finished.

She took her seat and stared at the blank pages in front of her, wondering which item she should begin first. If she'd really wanted to, she could probably have sat all night without really making a decision on either task anyway, but Professor Wright said they had other things on the agenda as well for the evening and Evelyn wanted to make sure they had time.

She decided to start with the list the professor had requested first, as those were also going to be some of the reasons she wanted to do this and thus would influence her vision statement. However, that was also the harder of the two, and the more uncomfortable. She wondered whether it was wise to start on the negative, but decided that she already had all the negative and trying to address it looking forward wouldn't serve herself authentically considering all the time she'd spent looking back.

Her cheeks were warm as she stared at the page a bit longer. She'd kept her composure when the professor asked this of her, but now she thought of all the things she'd need to tell him and wondered whether he'd still want to do this if she laid everything out. But what even was everything?

I like bright colors, climbing, world religions, eggs, brownies, and the ocean, she wrote at the top after deciding that if she was going to put herself out there, she ought to put the good and bad out there together. For a moment, she considered adding Charms to the list, but that wasn't really true. She'd like to like Charms but right now . . . not so much. Herbology or Care of Magical Creatures would've been true and maybe potion-making, although she didn't care for Potions class, but it seemed even ruder to put other classes down so she just left academics off altogether.

I don't know why I got put in Pecari, she added after a moment.

Then she drew a line across the page beneath the things she'd already written and set about making a bullet list of the things the professor should know that weren't quite so light-hearted. Professor Skies had probably filled him in, but it seemed best to go with full transparency. Or at least, mostly transparency. Some of her feelings about boys and girls and people (and her non-feelings) weren't things she wanted to discuss with Professor Wright, and she doubted very much that he'd like to discuss them with her. Besides, they weren't really things he needed to know and she didn't think they impacted her magic.

I live alone with my father and my baby brother, but I don't go home much because it isn't always safe for me. I think it is safe for my brother and I don't know how I feel about that. I have a social worker named Ms. Heidi. My mom is gone but she didn't die. I don't know if it's my fault that she left. I think that Ms. Heidi has threatened to call the police on my dad.

When magic comes out of me, it usually doesn't do what I want it to or it does what I didn't mean for it to do. Usually it's water or fire, but sometimes it's bright colors. I think I was probably meant to be a Muggle.

Evelyn grimaced as she reviewed what she'd written, hating that she had been so open. It wasn't something she did easily but Professor Wright had been correct about one thing: writing it out was easier than saying it.

She pushed the paper aside and considered her vision statement. She thought especially about the things that she had realized the last time she'd met with Professor Wright, and the things she'd considered over winter break. A sentence came to mind that had no commas and she wasn't sure what else a vision statement would be except what she wanted and why, so that is what she wrote.

I want to get better so I don't have to go away and I never hurt anyone.

"I'm done, Professor Wright."

22 Evelyn Stones I will get fixed and you will make it happen. 1422 Evelyn Stones 0 5

Professor Wright

September 27, 2019 7:34 PM

I'll do my utmost. by Professor Wright

Gray was had been nearsighted since childhood, and while his vision had finally stopped getting worse in his late teens, it still posed a problem when it came to reading. Specifically, he found it much easier to take his glasses off and simply hold whatever he was reading close to his eyes for the duration. Reading through his glasses tired his eyes much faster, and so he never did it when he was alone. Unfortunately, however, he could not always avoid reading in company, and knew he looked absurd holding things up to his eyes to read them, especially if he kept his glasses dangling loose in his free hand so he didn’t have to then look even more ridiculous feeling around flat surfaces to find them again once he stopped reading. Thus, he normally just struggled along reading with his glasses on when he had to read in company.

This time, however, he removed his glasses with one hand and held Evelyn’s paper up to read it. For one thing, this document was important, and he needed to make sure he caught all the details, which he sometimes skimmed when he read through his glasses. For another, he suspected the child might want a moment to compose herself, and the sheet of paper made a handy shield to help her pretend he wasn’t in the room for a moment.

It also helped prevent her from seeing any reaction he might have to what she had written, which turned out to be an unforeseen advantage. Dear Merlin, this was…not good. This kid needed a therapist, not a washed-up scriptwriter who was teaching Charms mainly because it was basically free food and board which came with the bonus of finally being able to stop disappointing his parents.

But here they were.

“I think this will be helpful, thank you, Evelyn,” he said.

He considered where to begin. He found it odd that she said she thought she was meant to be a Muggle, given that her file said she was half-blood, but her family situation was a briar patch he had no desire to wade into as an opener.

“It’s not entirely surprising that you find yourself manifesting fire and water,” he said instead. “Those were two of the earliest forms of magic developed.” The other one was probably a crude, instinctual sort of Banishing or stunning magic, manifested involuntarily in self-defense, but no-one knew for sure – magic predated the invention of writing. “For – homework, for lack of a better term – try to think about whether you notice any patterns in your accidents – do some things consistently spark one or the other? Or is it random?”

He glanced over the page again. “It seems to me - and correct me if I’m wrong - that part of the problem is figuring out how to do magic when you’re calm,” he suggested. “Wands make that much easier, of course. I want you to try to levitate that dictionary,” he said, pointing to the volume in question. “Swish, flick. Let me see your technique. Then tell me what you know about your wand.”

16 Professor Wright I'll do my utmost. 113 Professor Wright 0 5

Evelyn Stones

September 29, 2019 3:52 AM

That's more than most. by Evelyn Stones

Evelyn rolled her shoulders while Professor Wright read what she'd written. She wasn't sure whether he was embarrassed by the fact that he apparently had terrible vision, and she didn't want to stare at him while he read anyway. His expression was obscured but that didn't mean he wasn't wearing one and Evelyn preferred not to think about that. She also didn't want to cry; she was determined to be strong and brave for all the people who mattered to her and that meant being a big girl now. She was practically an adult anyway.

When Professor Wright finished and spoke, Evelyn just nodded. It didn't quite garner a response and it seemed like an inappropriate time to throw fingerguns around. She wasn't even sure what wizards called fingerguns. Would Professor Wright know about them?

The topic turned to what she'd written, which was uncomfortable but probably necessary, even if she hated it. However, it also turned into a bit of a history lesson, which she loved. She listened to him speak, enraptured by the idea that she was channeling some primal magical energy from within herself just as her primal emotions were coming to the fore. It was an interesting idea and one she thought she might like to read more about. Ness probably would know about a good book on the subject.

"I'll do that," she said grimly. "I hope it doesn't happen . . . it didn't happen all break! But I don't know if that means I'm all better. I don't think it works like that but it would be nice."

Offering her agreement by way of a nod when he spoke of controlling her magic when she was calm, Evelyn was following the professor's words until he wanted her to do magic. Her grim tone arrived on her face with a grimace and she shuffled her feet. Of course, it would have been ridiculous to expect to do this whole thing without any wand work, and since the alternative was some sort of therapy session with the professor - which was undoubtedly more awkward than this already was - she was almost glad to have been assigned the wand work. Still, it was embarrassing. It was a bit like being asked to read aloud in class only to have to admit that you didn't know how to read yet. Except in this case, she was being asked to lift the book aloft instead of read from it, and the book was probably heavy.

Retrieving her wand and squaring up to the dictionary, Evelyn prepared herself for the shame of the spell not doing anything. She would have liked if it worked perfectly, but she doubted that would happen and it wouldn't be very helpful anyway. How awful to suddenly need to be broken, just to be fixed.

"Wingardium leviosa," Evelyn murmured, swishing and flicking at the book. Her motion was accurate, if a little stiff, and the book shifted a little in place but did not rise. She took a deep breath and her eyebrows came down as she concentrated again.

The fact that all of this was even necessary was just . . . stupid. She shouldn't need remedial stinking wandwork in her third year at school. She shouldn't need any of this. And now that she needed to show the professor she could do the basic spells that he'd taught her years before, she couldn't get more than a wobble. Here, in this nice, supportive environment. What was she supposed to do in class?

"Wingardium leviosa," she repeated, snarling this time. Her swish and flick was hard, but clearly a swish and flick. Her words were louder. The book, for its part, did rise this time. However, so did the table the book had been resting on and several of the books from the bookcase behind it. They levitated only a moment as Evelyn gasped and it all slammed back to the floor as if cut from a puppeteer's strings.

Evelyn blushed. "I'm sorry, sir. I'm nervous. My wand is hawthorn and dragon heartstring, sir," she offered, setting it down on his desk.

OOC - I had picked Evelyn's wand wood and core at random when I wrote her character outline and I don't have any particular reason for it, so if there's some canonical reason it should be something else, I'm happy to retcon that later.

22 Evelyn Stones That's more than most. 1422 Evelyn Stones 0 5

Professor Wright

September 29, 2019 2:04 PM

We'll see. by Professor Wright

"It would be nice, but you're probably right," agreed Gray about whether or not an incident-free break meant Evelyn was all better.

She promptly demonstrated that she was not, in fact, all better, at some peril to his furniture. Gray shifted slightly when the table rose, but kept his face straight, as he seemed to do by default under stress. The one trait of his, he thought, which even remotely equipped him to handle this situation....

"Dragon heartstring. Well, that explains a little. I'm not an expert, but those are, those can be a little volatile, responsive to emotion, I think. I see. Well."

He pressed his palms together. "One thing I suspect we can definitely work with is your technique," he said. "It's stiff. That's not ideal. The movements should flow - like so," he added, and performed the same spell to demonstrate. The book floated gently upward, then downward. "It's all in the wrist with this one, and it's important to all of them," he continued.

"That is something you can work on through practice. Making wand movements over and over until they are instinctual. There really aren't that many basic movements - just different combinations of them. They're not even strictly necessary to doing magic, but they create pathways in the mind that help you focus the flow of magic." He picked up her wand gingerly and offered it back to her. "This is also a tool," he explained. "It amplifies effects and it helps you direct flows. Think about the two incidents you've had here. Last time, you were lashing out randomly. This time, you hit what you were aiming at - and a few more things besides. But you were much more focused with your wand than without it.

"I think that's why we forget, sometimes, that magic moves as much through our bodies as through our instruments," he continued, aware his voice was a rather bland thing, and hoping that would work to his advantage. "To really control magic is to control yourself, on some deep level - to be on center. With lots of practice, of course, this will eventually become instinctual - but it seems you need to start at the beginning here. So stand up, please, and try to stand on one foot. Shift your weight around, and take lots of deep, slow breaths until you feel steady. Try focusing the breath in different parts of your abdomen, if that helps. Find a place where you are steady."

This exercise, he would explain once she tried it, was not a direct lead into magic. It might take some time, but eventually, he wanted her to have the focus to cast spells like this - assuming that he was right in what was going on. If he wasn't - well, then they would have to try something else.

There was, he had to admit, a certain interest to solving a problem like this. Damn Aladren House. It was some underlying trait which had landed him there as a boy, but he was sure the environment somehow drew it out of them and made it much worse, this tendency to enjoy breaking things apart and trying to build them back from the ground up.

"And just remember, we're not going to 'fix' you, as you put it, in one day," he reminded her gently. "Gradual progress. One step at a time. And if something doesn't work, we'll go back and start over again. You'll have to be patient." Not a Pecari trait, patience, as a rule. "One step at a time - or at the moment, one moment standing in place at one time," he amended. "Find your center of gravity, keep breathing steadily, and then try that wand movement again."

16 Professor Wright We'll see. 113 Professor Wright 0 5

Evelyn Stones

October 03, 2019 7:59 PM

I hope so. by Evelyn Stones

Evelyn's eyes rounded at the information about her wand, and she took it with some amount of trepidation. Why had a wand with such ferocity chosen her? Was it because it was the only sort of tool that could find the meager magic she hosted? Or was it quite the opposite? It seemed risky to let her carry it around if it was as volatile as Professor Wright thought it might be, but he didn't seem too worried so she accepted it in silence.

She nodded, making a mental note about her form and promising herself she'd practice that. She could do that with a stick or something so she wouldn't risk blowing anything up, and the movements would probably feel nice. The routine was comforting.

In a way, so was the professor's voice. It was interesting to hear him talk so much about theory, something she had never paid half so much attention to it in class. She knew he talked about these things all the time, but the theory of magic was more interesting than the theory of Charms somehow. Or maybe she'd just not been in any sort of way to pay attention before.

She started the first of the motions he'd instructed her to try while she spoke: "Where do you get to learn about all that? I know you teach some of it," she added, lest he think she never paid any attention at all. She shifted her weight. "It's interesting to think about."

She moved easily, comfortable on one foot. Balance was important for tree-climbing, so she had a lot of experience with it and was confident on one foot. She could shift her weight around without a problem and breathed deeply as she did so. "My mom used to do yoga sometimes," she said, remembering. "I used to do it with her sometimes." Looking up at Professor Wright, she wondered what he saw when he looked back at her. It hurt to hear that they weren't going to fix her, even though she knew he meant she didn't need fixing, and not that she couldn't be fixed.

"Professor, how do you know whether you're a good person or not?"

22 Evelyn Stones I hope so. 1422 Evelyn Stones 0 5

Professor Wright

October 05, 2019 12:20 AM

Let's all be our best. by Professor Wright

"Hm? Books, mostly," he said when asked where he learned things like what he was talking about. "I can put together a few titles if you'd like to read more about it," he added.

It was a bit unexpected, though not unpleasant, to have a Pecari - and one whom he had, until recently, thought was likely simply rather hopeless academically - express an interest in magical theory. Good to have the stereotype challenged. However, most of the books he knew about the topic were rather dry; the only reason he had read them was because theory had been necessary to get his degree and it was now necessary from time to time to brush up on things before he tried to teach them to his classes. It would be better, he thought, if there was a more interesting way to learn about it...

There was an idea!

He reached for a notepad and end of a pencil. "Just - making a note to myself," he said to explain his behavior, as he scribbled on the note make theory into a plot for story?

His brain wanted to go there - work on ideas, characters, adventures, series - but he forced it back to the situation at hand, which was rather more important and time-sensitive than an idea that might never work itself out to anything resembling a story.

"Very good," he said when Evelyn said she had done yoga with her mother before. "I'm sure that will be helpful. You're doing very well."

He was just deciding to ask her to try an even simpler charm in this position when she threw him with a question he had not expected. He thought he might have to get used to this kind of thing in these sessions, but for now, it was a surprise, and for a moment he looked slightly blank, blinking at her from behind his glasses.

"I...can't say that's one I can answer for sure," he admitted finally. "I'm no philosopher. Personally I think, I suppose, about...not doing things without thinking about what could happen because of it. Not hurting others if it can be avoided. May I ask why you're asking?" he asked, suspecting they might be treading close to something she might not have said in the letter, but which might be the kind of thing he could benefit from knowing while trying to teach her to gain the internal balance to control her powers.

16 Professor Wright Let's all be our best. 113 Professor Wright 0 5

Evelyn Stones

October 15, 2019 2:18 PM

That seems wise. by Evelyn Stones

"I'd like that," Evelyn grinned, looking every bit like the gangly fourteen-year-old she tried to pretend she wasn't. "I like that stuff," she added, a bit more absentmindedly. She was thinking of the other sorts of things she liked to read about and trying to remember why she was doing this whole thing in the first place. She could become a muggle scholar and keep herself in trees and books equally as often. She supposed she could do that as a witch too, but this was going to be much more work than just giving it all up would be. Probably.... Giving it up would require that she had the ability NOT to use her magic, too.

When she asked the question that had been pressing on her mind since she had first begun opening up about her problems at home, she was scared about his answer. What if he said "good people always know they're good" and then she had to admit that she wasn't? Except he didn't say that. His answer wasn't really great news for her either, but at least it set out a goal for her; something she could work towards was helpful. She made a mental note to talk to Heinrich about his thoughts.

"I just worry I guess," she said with a shrug. "I dunno. It's not that important." She didn't think that there's a good chance I'm horrible and that's why my family hates me was going to be a fun answer.

22 Evelyn Stones That seems wise. 1422 Evelyn Stones 0 5