Seeking out Linus on Crotalus Commons

Brianna Japos

June 14, 2013 11:00 PM

Seeking out Linus by Brianna Japos

Brianna had spent most of her summer anticipating this day. She was terrified that she was going to humiliate herself in front of someone she cared for as she had two years prior with someone else. But she wanted to follow her mother’s advice and really start to put her life together and be a normal teenager. Or, attempt to be one. She hadn’t been able to accept him last year because of her fear of intimacy and well, males. After a summer of dealing with the females and fighting with herself, Brianna felt she was ready to let go of a lot of her anger and embrace the positives. Something she had never been able to do before.

She was waiting in the common room for Linus to either come in or come down from the dorms. It was Saturday, so she really hoped he wasn’t running around all afternoon and so she spent the entire day inside like an idiot allowing her nerves to consume her. She had waited a couple weeks into the school year to gather herself, but she was also sort of hoping that Linus would approach the subject first. He hadn’t. Which meant, if she really felt ready for this, she needed to take the step herself.

Brianna kept herself occupied by doing her homework. Not that she was really paying any attention to what she was reading because every time the portrait flew open or she heard someone clamber down the stairs from the dorm rooms. she'd whip her head up to see who it was. By the time she did finally see Linus make an appearance, Brianna had nearly talked herself out of it by having second thoughts of all the things that could go wrong.

She had decided to try to make her appearance as flattering as possible when she faced him. Her hair was left down, long and soft, but slightly messy from having run her fingers through it so many times due to her nerves. Having good skin meant that she didn’t really need makeup but what she did have on enhanced her brown eyes but left her lips with only a light gloss to it so as to not draw attention to her mouth too much as she still felt that they were the ugliest part about her. As for her outfit, Brianna had decided to wear something that made her slightly uncomfortable but thought it looked nice on her. The length of the dress didn’t quite reach her finger-tips, so it showed more leg than what she was used to. But, with the intense therapy and long hours in a swimming pool, her legs were becoming more defined and with her slightly above average height, she was all leg anyway.

She stood up quickly, nearly tripping over her crutch that she had set aside near her in her rush to prevent him from leaving, and called out to him. She felt a blush creep into her cheeks, partly because she had just embarrassed herself by nearly falling flat on her face, and partly because now she had no choice but to actually go through with all of this.

Brianna’s main concern wasn’t so much that Linus would no longer be interested in her (although that was definitely close to the top of the list) but rather, by not wanting her in a less platonic fashion, he would no longer feel comfortable as her friend either. She wasn’t sure how she would handle being rejected as the first time around had devastated her completely, but she had a solid friendship with Linus that she had not had with Michael. She didn’t want to lose that too.

“Hi.” Brianna greeted with an uncertain smile when she managed to make it over to him. “I was really hoping that we could talk?” Brianna asked, looking hopeful. She wasn’t sure if the common room would provide the best source of privacy for this conversation, most especially if he was going to tell her he was no longer interested in her. She didn’t want there to be witnesses, but she couldn’t really think of any other place for them to talk since she still was worried about tripping if they went to the gardens. "I was hoping we could discuss, er, what we talked about last year... at the ball." She added, in case perhaps he might have forgotten what she was referring to.

6 Brianna Japos Seeking out Linus 203 Brianna Japos 1 5

Linus Macaulay

June 24, 2013 3:46 PM

You found me by Linus Macaulay

He hadn't been avoiding her, exactly. How could he? They were in the same House and year, and so shared a commonroom and the majority of their classes, as well as frequently being in the Cascade Hall at the same time for meals. However, Linus hadn't really been actively seeking Brianna out, either. He had managed to make cursory and brief enquirements about her improving health on the first evening back at school, but since had taken to keeping his distance as much as he could without being suspected of doing so; he didn't want to hurt Brianna's feelings, and that was about the crux of the matter.

Yet, inevitably, she eventually sought him out. Linus enetered the common room, heard his name called, and knew instantly who had called it and why. He smiled cordially in greeting as Brianna made her way over, and it wasn't just born of politeness, as he really did take genuine pleasure in seeing her. Especially when she looked like that. Sweet Merlin, girls played dirty sometimes. "Hello," Linus returned her spoken greeting, maintaining his usual composure, with not a blond hair out of place and not a wrinkle to be found in his pants and shirt. Brianna declared she hoped they could talk, and Linus felt his heart sink. He didn't need her to explain, but she did anyway, and so he nodded, forced a smile, and replied, "Of course," before gesturing to a recently vacant sofa nearby. He seated himself, crossed his legs, and waited for Brianna to make herself comfortable.

He hesitated, entirely unsure of what to say. He had battled with his thoughts and emotions over the summer, talking at length with his mother, his brother Johan, and even his sister about what he ought to do. He had just never felt about anyone the way he felt about Brianna, but he wasn't entirely convinced she was really his type. She was smart, but not extraordinarily so, and yes, she was beautiful, but was that enough? Now Sienna Taylor on the next block over back home in Las Vegas, she was Linus' type. She was tall and blonde, with full lips and dimples. Her father was a lawyer and her mother was a dentist; Johan said she made the cheerleading squad but had given it up to focus on college applications. If he thought about it even for a moment or two, that was the sort of girl Linus had imagined himself dating. Or whatever the witch equivalent was. Brianna... she was... cute. Linus didn't really know what to make of that.

"So," Linus said, a little uncomfortably. He thought he should probably start, and let Brianna know that he had changed his mind, that it wasn't a good time for them, or that they were incompatible, or whatever. It would be the gentlemanly thing to do, to affirm that there was no chance of them being together, and to stop her from getting her hopes up. But then he looked at her, and not just at the dress or the hair, but at her eyes, and his words ran dry. God, he had no idea what he was doing. "After the summer, how do you feel?" It wasn't the most eloquent beginning, and certianly not what he had planned on saying, but it was within context, so she would undoubtedly follow his line of questionning. Annoyingly, he realized he had left himself open to rejection (although honestly that might not be such a horrific ordeal if it freed him from having to dwell on this conundrum any further), but could do little to change it, now.

0 Linus Macaulay You found me 205 Linus Macaulay 0 5

Brianna

June 24, 2013 9:04 PM

... was this the wrong thing to do? by Brianna

Being close to him only made Brianna all the more nervous, but it was his forced smile that had her heart stall. She knew the difference between his real smile and his fake one. It wasn’t hard to tell that on anyone really. One felt warm and the other cold. She didn’t know what that meant. Was he worried that she would still not be ready for a relationship? Or was it what she had feared? Those two months had allowed him to realize his error and he wanted to run away from her too? She had prepared herself for the latter to happen, but even she was aware that the best of preparations weren’t really going to help her deal with the rejection. Not only would she have been losing out on what she had been hopeful for, but also a friend. As much as she could say that she’d want to be one, she was not stupid. The sight of him, as it had with Michael, would be too much for her and she would withdraw from him.

But, she couldn’t think about that right now. She was trying to be positive. His forced smile could simply be that he was uncomfortable with having this talk after not really talking. Being forced to discuss something like this would make anyone uncomfortable. Linus, as calm and collected as he always seemed to be, was still human. She took a breath though when he asked how she felt now that she had time to think everything over. She supposed that was a good sign.

“I know that I didn’t really explain myself very well at the ball. Expressing myself is not my best strong suit, but I’m trying.” Brianna started, giving him a small smile. “After everything that happened to me last summer, I have a difficult time believing in people.” She stated, unsure if that was the right way of phrasing it. “But this past summer I realized that I have to stop being so scared of everything. I nearly died, I get it. But I didn’t and I’m surviving. I’m working hard to get on my own two feet again, working on getting a scholarship so that I can go to law school, and doing all the things I’ve always dreamed of doing.” She was rambling. She knew this. She just wanted to get it all out there so that he could understand that she was trying. She was a hard worker. She just needed someone to be patient with her while she figured it all out.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m talking so much. I had a lot to think about over the summer.” Brianna commented, with a small awkward laugh. “I will understand if you decided you don't like me. Two months is a long time and I can’t really blame you for it. I’m a difficult person. I just wanted you to know that I do like you and have for a while. I'd like to go on dates with you, if you still would like to.” She finally said, not really quite able to meet his eye and expecting the worst in return.

6 Brianna ... was this the wrong thing to do? 0 Brianna 0 5

Linus

July 02, 2013 4:24 PM

I'll let you be the judge of that. by Linus

"I know that I didn’t really explain myself very well at the ball." As Brianna began to speak, Linus found himself being reminded of the many valuable lessons his father had taught him. "Expressing myself is not my best strong suit, but I’m trying"... identify your own failings and only when you've overcome them should you judge others by their failings... "After everything that happened to me last summer, I have a difficult time believing in people"... when you encounter someone who has lost faith, help them to find it again... "But this past summer I realized that I have to stop being so scared of everything"... take care of those less fortunate than you... "I nearly died, I get it"... Life is finite; it will come to an end one day, and you can't predict when, so embrace each day as it comes...

"But I didn't and I'm surviving." Linus sat up a little straighter in his seat, and he listened intently as Brianna detailed the things she'd dreamed of doing. Linus had no idea she wanted to study law; he'd been aware that she was planning on going to college, and that was probably part of the reason she worked so hard on keeping her grades up, but he hadn't realised that her aim was law school. Was that his failing; had he neglected to pay attention to her? Perhaps she had simply not decided, or just not mentioned it until now, but if that was not the case, what else might Linus have missed? It was hardly his fault, he considered, as his eyes passed once again over her attire. Brianna herself was a distraction.

She apologised for talking so much, which, Linus could acknowledge to himself, would have been annoyingly redundant if anyone else had spoken the words, but from Brianna's lips it was practically endearing. He took a grim satisfaction in noting he was the embodiment of a cliched school boy with a crush. He also noted that Brianna said she would understand if he decided he didn't like her after two months. Linus couldn't decide whether he was more irritated that she thought him to be that fickle, or by her presumption that she could comprehend his most private thoughts and emotions. As an after-thought, it perplexed him that her self-esteem was such that she believed she could be forgotten in as short a period as two months.

"You are," Linus paused as he located the right word, "intolerable," he told her, although he was smiling at her in a gently amused sort of way, and he'd said the final word as if it were a compliment. He uncrossed his legs and sighed, forgoing his usual composure momentarily as he leaned in a little towards Brianna. He reached out and took her hand, and then said, "I have thought about literally nothing or nobody else all summer," he told her, omitting that he had been contemplating whether or not he should instigate some sort of romantic relationship - that sort of detail was inappropriate at moments such as these. "I would be," he hesitated for another brief moment, wishing he had an easier time of expressing himself, "ecstatic to be on a date with you." He smiled, relieved that it was over. What had he been thinking? He'd been on the cusp of passing over the most incredible person he had ever met. For a smart person, he really was a moron sometimes. "How about tomorrow?" he suggested.

0 Linus I'll let you be the judge of that. 0 Linus 0 5

Brianna

July 03, 2013 4:06 PM

Nope, definitely not the wrong choice! by Brianna

Brianna had no idea if she was making any sense at all. She felt like she wasn’t. She hardly ever did. The things that ended up coming out of her mouth were usually things said in a heat of some emotion rampaging through her. She usually never meant what she said or, at least, how it came out of her mouth. Sometimes she didn’t even know why or what had compelled her to say them. People tended to try to get her to talk when she was hurting so she ended up lashing out to get them to hurt too. She was the reason the saying ‘misery loves company’ had come about. But in situations like these when there was no pain, it was only just a conversation and she needed to tell someone something, she could never figure out the right way of saying it. She had no idea why that was. Well, that wasn’t necessarily true. She knew why. Her whole life she had been told to keep quiet. So, conversation never came easy to her and then, on top of that, conversing on something that brought on emotion like her wish to explain her feeling to Linus, it was near impossible.

She couldn’t really look him in the face as she spoke, so she had no idea how he was taking her words. Brianna was doing her best to be honest with him without giving away too much of herself in the process. It would only hurt her more if he turned her completely down after she had exposed herself entirely to him. And when she was done speaking, she fell silently and tried to take deep breaths without him noticing she was doing so to calm herself down and remind herself that everything would be alright.

”You are intolerable.” Shock from hearing that had her attention on his face. He was smiling and the words were not said in a nasty way, but she was confused by the use of them. Was he insulting her or making fun of her? She said nothing though because he was adjusting his position and leaning closer to her. When she felt a touch on her hand, she looked away from his face and to her lap where her hands had been originally resting to find that he was holding on of them. Holding. She had never had her hand held before. His hand was larger than hers. Her hand looked thin and small within his. She had never paid her hands any attention except for the occasion when she would paint her nails. Today they were a rose color that went with her current outfit.

She took her eyes away from their hands when he had admitted to thinking about her and nearly apologized because she wasn’t really sure if that was a good thing or not, especially as he implied it was something that consumed him. But then he said the one thing she hadn’t thought he would say. He wanted to go on dates with her. He even asked her on their first one (if the ball didn’t count as one). Brianna could feel her heart race. It wasn’t out of fear or worry or any other negative emotion she normally had. This time, it beat out of sheer happiness. It was such a joy that she had never really felt before. She knew that it had brought out a dopey smile on her face and a heated blush that often accompanied it. She wanted to hide her face out of embarrassment but she also wanted to give Linus a big hug for agreeing to date her.

She stopped herself from doing that though simply because she never really hugged people and thus would need time to adjust on how to do that naturally and because she didn’t know if Linus would appreciate the hug, especially one that would be so public. But she really did have the urge to hug him and she could not deny the passing thought of having his lips against hers in what would be her true first kiss, one that she wanted and not one that was taken from her. But a kiss was too intimidating for her at the moment and she wasn’t entirely sure she would be able to instigate that anyway.

“Really?” She asked, her voice quiet with uncertainty and hopefulness. “Tomorrow would be great!” She added quickly, but not really knowing what they would do on a date having never had one before. “What should I do for it?”

6 Brianna Nope, definitely not the wrong choice! 0 Brianna 0 5

Linus

July 09, 2013 3:54 PM

Good for you! by Linus

Linus had asked Brianna on a date, and she had accepted, and with apparent pleasure. That seemed to Linus to be a genuinely positive outcome to this conversation; he had been an idiot for dreading it. He was beginning to notice a pattern that his logic went on vacation the moment Brianna entered the picture, and while that in itself was a potentially worrying concept, the sixth year refused to concern himself with it at present. His thoughts would be much better turned to answer Brianna's question of what she should do for their date. Linus was silent for just a moment or two while he contemplated his options.

He didn't want a big crowd around, who would inevitably distract, and potentially pry, so privacy was paramount. Another consideration was that he didn't just want to sit around and chat, because he wasn't exactly an award-winning conversationalist, and he didn't want Brianna to get bored with him on their first real date. Ideally, he'd take her to see a movie, pay for the popcorn, and then walk her home, but at Sonora that wasn't really an option. They didn't have movies here, but they did have music. Linus was relatively certain that the music room in MARS had a gramophone, and he knew the library had a stock of records. That could be fun, and at least they would have something to talk about if all else failed.

"Meet me in MARS room five after dinner, at eight o'clock." He debated for a split second whether to keep the evening a surprise, but, just in case she thought it was a terrible idea, he added, "Bring a couple of records with you, if you want. We can just relax, listen to a bit of music, see whether our tastes align," he said with a hint of his natural smile. It might not be the flashiest first date ever, but Brianna was hardly the local harlot, and taking it slowly was bound to be more on her wavelength. Having spent so much of his time with her last year, Linus knew a lot of Brianna's traits, her personality, her quirks and idiosyncrasies, but didn't know much about her tastes, her likes and dislikes, or her hopes and dreams; these things didn't tend to come up in conversation when he was carrying her books to the next class.

(OOC: in order to not abuse fuzzy time to gregariously, look out for the third date, posted in MARS.)

0 Linus Good for you! 0 Linus 0 5