I'm lost without you [Tag: Liliana] on Pecari Commons

Atlas Primred

July 06, 2016 11:45 PM

I'm lost without you [Tag: Liliana] by Atlas Primred

Atlas hadn’t talked to Liliana in what felt like ages. He was busy getting his grades up from the bomb that was his ex, and Atlas assumed Liliana was busy with her prefect, and Quidditch captain life. Things like that happened as people grow older and grow apart. However, it wasn’t until halfway through the first semester of their 7th year that Atlas realized this unpleasant incident was happening to them. Thinking back, he couldn’t really remember the last time they had talked about what was going on in their lives. There was one day when they were both walking to class together, but mentally he wasn’t entirely in the conversation as his mind was focused on the assignment due that day. When had assignments become more important to him than Liliana? Then in dawned on the 16 year old, that he honestly couldn’t remember the last time they had a heart to heart- a real conversation about something other than homework or what time Quidditch practice started.

Now here they were, two strangers sitting on the couch in the Pecari common room, everything in Atlas’ next move. All the years they had built up together, it was all in limbo. At the realization of their deteriorating friendship, Atlas had decided that since he was the one that put their relationship there, he had to make this first move.

“Um…Liliana,” he began unexpectedly hesitant.

“I just have some stuff I want to get off my conscience so I was hoping you could listen for a bit,” he said taking a moment to bite at his lip in thought. It couldn’t have been more than 5 seconds of silence, but the crushing silence had already begun to weigh on him. It felt like an eternity.

“I wanted to tell you…how sorry I am,” the words finally breaking through his lips- slowly, hesitantly. He forced his eyes to make contact with hers- this was important. He had to be clear. “I mean-n,” he said stumbling a little, “I feel like, things have kinda changed between us,” he paused thinking of how to best convey what he was feeling, somehow nautilus and empty at the same time.“I think somewhere in the process of me trying to get myself back together after Ann Marie, I forgot to include you.”

“So many things have been changing in both of our lives. I guess there was some part of me that didn’t want to talk to you about it because,” he paused, feeling himself beginning to break as a mixture of self-loathing and sadness formed a knot in his throat. He placed his elbows on his knees, examining his shoes for a moment while he tried to control himself without her noticing. God this conversation went differently in his head!

“I thought keeping things happily superficial and not talking about the changes in our lives would mean things could stay the same as they used to be,” he finally said, ashamed of himself for being such a lousy friend.

“Now, I just feel like the only way I hear about what is actually going on in your life is through gossip and I don’t like it. I hate it actually,” he said letting out a heavy sigh. Atlas still couldn’t look at her; he didn’t want to see what her face gave away.

“I’m not blaming you though!” he said reiterating quickly, “just…that I want to make the effort to change, to return to how things used to be. I just feel like for a while now, that I haven’t been the friend I should be- that I want to be. And I’m really sorry if my negligence has hurt you,” he said taking a cowardly breath before looking her in the eye. “You are the last person I want to hurt… or ignore,”

“What I’m trying to say, is that you are still my best friend, and there is a part of me that is really worried that if I don’t do something,” he paused thinking for a moment, “that if I don’t say something, that I’m going to loose that special bond we have, that I’m going to loose you.”

He held her gaze, nervously rubbing the fringe of his maroon sweater as he waited to hear her thoughts. Atlas had kind of bombarded her with a lot of information, but he wanted to get it out, off his chest and into the air. He felt relived, like a sphinx had been lifted off his shoulders, yet completely scared. There were no guarantees.

0 Atlas Primred I'm lost without you [Tag: Liliana] 276 Atlas Primred 1 5

Liliana Bannister

July 26, 2016 6:50 PM

I can't live without you. by Liliana Bannister

When Atlas first started talking, Liliana was only slightly paying attention They were sitting on the couch in the Pecari common room like they did so many nights, assignments and textbooks in their laps and on the table in front of them, aware of the other’s presence, but not really talking as had become customary. It saddened Liliana for multiple reasons but she preferred these pseudo hangouts to nothing at all. Just being in his company was enough. And sometimes that made her question herself—just who was this pathetic mess that Atlas Primred had turned her normally confidant and daring self into?

“Yeah?” she asked, not taking her eyes off the page just yet, his words not fully registering. She had assumed it would have been their normal conversation, the sort of shallow thing they talked about while doing homework like who would win which yearbook award that year, which of the younger students did they think would fall in love, stupid things that neither of them really cared about. But as Atlas continued to talk, Liliana realised he wanted to talk about something much deeper than that. She lifted her head from the book, turning so that she could pay better attention to what her first friend at Sonora was saying.

As he apologised for everything, keeping eye contact despite looking (and sounding) completely uncomfortable, Liliana allowed herself to hope for the first time in a long time. Atlas was back. Truth be told, he had never really gone anywhere, but after his breakup with his horrible ex-girlfriend who didn’t even deserve a name in Liliana’s book, her friend had been replaced by a shell of his old self. But it sounded like he wanted things to go back to the way they were before. As he talked, she began to smile. Until he started talking about how he didn’t like finding out about her life through gossip.

There was a lot about her life that she had been unable to bring herself to tell Atlas. Partially because she felt like it was revenge for his being so weird over Her, partially because he was never really there to hear it. He knew about the various wizards over the summers, though she never went into much detail about them, he knew she and Theodore had formed an alliance of sorts because of prefect duty, but she had never really told him how far that alliance went.

His eyes had broken away from hers before he confessed this part of their disintegrating friendship, and Liliana only felt relief. She followed his gaze towards the floor, catching his eyes only when she felt them return to her face. The smile had left her face as she had begun to remember everything they had missed out on each other’s lives and she frowned slightly as she tried to think about how she would catch him up with everything that had happened in her life.

“Atlas,” she began, her voice cracking slightly. She hadn’t expected to cry, she really hadn’t, but she had missed him so much despite being right there the whole time. But there wasn’t much else she could do because the tears were falling down quite quickly now and she was afraid to open her mouth to say anything. She knew Atlas was looking at her and she didn’t want him to see her crying but there wasn’t much she could do to hide the tears although she could keep him from hearing her crying voice.

10 Liliana Bannister I can't live without you. 274 Liliana Bannister 0 5

Atlas Primred

July 27, 2016 4:34 AM

Then don't by Atlas Primred

At the whisper of his name from her lips, Atlas could feel all his hair stand up at once. The crack of her voice sent a swirl of emotions through his chest, the most identifiable being fear and horror with trace amounts of a nostalgic emotion he couldn't identify. His mind wandered for a moment in search of a name for the old feeling, but he was pulled back to reality by Liliana’s unexpected show of emotion.

“Liliana,” he trailed off in a whisper. He moved his hand to comfort her, but stopped himself. After all, it was because of him that she was crying now, because of his negligence. Atlas paused, possible choices running through his mind of how he might be able to save the situation. Before he was able to mentally decide on a plan of action, his body decided for him.

Before he could realize what he had done, his arms were wrapped around Liliana’s petite figure. The book on her lap having fallen to the ground when Atlas had pulled her into him. He didn't realize what he had done until he was breathing in her sweet smell. He had always liked her scent, even if he didn't know how to describe it. It was just undeniably her, and he had missed it. Not sure where to go from their current situation, he shakily moved his hand to pull her shoulders a little ways away from him. He wanted to see her, to look at her, to…

“I…” he trailed off blushing. “I’m sorry” Unbeknownst about what to do now.

0 Atlas Primred Then don't 276 Atlas Primred 0 5

Liliana

August 01, 2016 2:53 PM

Take care of me? by Liliana

The shift of weight on the couch as Atlas moved to hug her didn’t prepare Liliana for the warm embrace of her best friend. The shiver the innocent gesture sent through her spine was unrivalled to any shiver of the more carnal nature that Theodore or Vètil or one of the others she had seduced in an attempt to push her fairly oblivious best friend far from her mind. Her breath caught unnaturally and she attempted to stabilise her breathing lest it alert Atlas to something she was not yet ready to admit to him.

And then he was apologising again. Liliana shook her head in response, a small smile cracking through the fresh and dried tears on her face. “Don’t apologise,” she said. “Just hug.” And she leaned forward, wrapping her arms tightly around his torso so that her head fit just-so into the crook of his neck. He smelled entirely like Atlas and although they had hugged a few times over the past years—mostly hellos, goodbyes, and congratulations when each accomplished something that one would give a hug for, each had been so fleeting she hadn’t been able to enjoy it.

Never before had Liliana been able to so fully lose herself in one of Atlas’ hugs and now that they seemed to be on their way to making amends for the distance that had grown between them she wasn’t going to waste a single second of that moment in case the whole thing came crashing down around her the next morning as she realised she had dreamed up this whole night. “I’ve missed you,” she mumbled into him, his soft skin grazing her mouth as she spoke.

10 Liliana Take care of me? 274 Liliana 0 5

Atlas Primred

August 02, 2016 4:02 PM

Do you even need to ask? by Atlas Primred

Seeing her smile, even if it was marred by tears, Atlas felt a rush of relief. Although they had may cheerful memories together, recently he had only been able to remember the painful times. He didn’t want to get his hopes up if Liliana decided that their friendship wasn’t worth saving. Thankfully Atlas felt the weight of guilt lift from his shoulders as he was finally able to enjoy the warmth of his best friend’s embrace. He felt the corners of his mouth pull into a smile to meet hers before she leaned forward to hug him again.

Their past hugs, although fleeting, were always filled with warmth, but never like this, never so deeply. If one of their fellow Pecaris were to see them like this, rumors about the status of their relationship would most likely fly more so than they already do. The rational part of Atlas' mind urged him to pull away to evade any damage to Liliana’s relationship availability. However the louder and more selfish part of his mind overpowered reason. He liked the idea of being the only one who was allowed this close to her.

As Atlas softly stroked her back, his breathing changed naturally until it fell in line with her’s. He felt calm. Happy. However when she finally broke the silence the feeling of her soft lips dancing against his neck caught him off guard, sending an unwelcome shiver onto him. Butterflies danced in his abdomen, urging him to throw up, and forcing him to pull away- only a little. Even if it was just as friends, lips against his skin just felt like a little too much. He needed more time.

Looking at Liliana now, he tried to think of what to say to explain his discomfort in a way that wouldn’t bring up old resentments. Opening a can of worms was the last thing he wanted to do now that they were finally like this again.

“You feel different than I remember,” he stated, saying the first thing that came to mind. A move which Atlas regretted immediately.

“I, um, thats-not that its bad!” he cut in, tripping over his words, the butterflies in his stomach bouncing around sparatically for all different reasons. “I, um, guess its just been a little while since we were like this, and I didn’t realize how-um, how much you had matured,” Atlas trailed off in a mumble, trying to cover his reddened face with his free hand.

0 Atlas Primred Do you even need to ask? 276 Atlas Primred 0 5

Liliana

August 06, 2016 10:32 PM

Everything is right when we're together. by Liliana

Liliana was startled when Atlas pulled away but laughed a little as he hastily gave his excuse. With any other wizard she would have taken that as a cue to come on to him, but this was Atlas. Atlas didn’t like her like that, and though this made her heart sink into her stomach at least they were on real hugging terms again. “How much I’d matured?” she asked through her dried tears, arching an eyebrow. “Are you saying I was immature before or something?”

It was nice, she thought as she settled into the pillows, pulling her legs up to tuck under her and leaning her head against the back of the couch now that Atlas had pulled away and their hug had ended. Everything was just as it had been Before—well, almost anyway. But she didn’t want to think about that. She had bigger things to think about, mainly how to keep Atlas from finding out the truth about her prefect “duties”. During their awkward estrangement it had been easy. When he’d asked about her day she hadn’t felt like he’d actually cared, she’d been able to say “fine” or “good” and that seemed to suffice. But now that their ever close friendship was back on, he’d want to know more, they’d have to have substantial conversations. And much of her free time over the past few years had revolved around scheming to get Theodore Wolseithcrafte alone in a dark corner just because she felt like it.

Liliana reached up to tuck a strand of hair that had fallen into her face behind an eye. “So,” she started, really hoping that they could put off homework in an attempt to gossip the night away. “Should we finish this or…future talk?”

Future talk was what Liliana called any sort of discussion revolving around the future. It didn’t matter what the subject of conversation was or how silly (or serious) it was, it was all future talk. It was one of her favourite (or least favourite past times, depending on the subject of conversation) and it had been a long time since she had discussed her post-Sonora plans with her favourite person.

10 Liliana Everything is right when we're together. 274 Liliana 0 5

Atlas Primred

August 23, 2016 3:47 PM

Then lets stay together for as long as possible by Atlas Primred

Atlas chuckled a little at her baited question, “of course, but in the best way possible. You always made things so interesting.” He continued feeling the sweetness of nostalgia. He loved the way he felt when he was around her. Sure, she made him crazy sometimes, but then she made him feel like this too. As Liliana moved to brush back her stray hair, Atlas could feel a slight heart palpitation. He was worried for a moment of a possible heart attack when he felt additional numbness in his limbs, but attributed it to left over stress from earlier. The conversation could have gone in so many directions, but finally the universe had set them into a time line that actually didn’t result in a fight.

He smiled at her suggestion, “definitely future talk. I don’t think I can focus much on homework right now anyways.” He had completely forgot that this meeting started out as a homework session and was more than happy to close the books for now. Besides he had more important things to talk about than the history of foreign wizarding countries. “To tell you the truth,” he said relaxing back into the pillows, “I haven’t really thought about my future that much. I still don't know what I want to do with my life. What about you? Any ideas what your post-Sonora life will entail?”

Although when he was a child he always wanted to be a botanist like his Dad, now he wasn’t too sure. Magic changed things. When he tried to think about his future, he had trouble comprehending what life would be without Sonora, Quidditch, and especially Liliana. Even the times they weren’t together and didn’t talk, some part of him still carried her close. She was his best friend and confidant, of course he wanted her around all the time. Now that their days were numbered and they were talking again, he wanted more than anything to spend as much time with her as possible.

“I actually have a selfish question to ask you,” he started. “I know you went with me before, but I was wondering if you wanted to go to the ball with me? And not as a last resort,” he clarified since the last time he had asked her to the ball resulted in the two of them arguing. “I just really want to spend my last night at Sonora with my best friend close by,” he added giving her a smile with the littlest of sadness. When had future talk become so depressing.

0 Atlas Primred Then lets stay together for as long as possible 276 Atlas Primred 0 5

Liliana

August 23, 2016 8:13 PM

Sounds good to me. by Liliana

“Of course I make things interesting,” Liliana laughed. “I’m the best witch in your life, Atlas Primred, and don’t you ever forget it!”

Liliana was glad that Atlas opted for pushing off their homework a little further and shivered a little in excitement. She shrugged in response to his question. She kind of knew what she wanted, but she was afraid to tell him. But Atlas wasn’t done yet. She was worried what a selfish question entailed, but as he went forth to talk about the ball, Liliana’s heart skipped a beat. She wasn’t a last resort—not like she’d been last time, anyway, and he said that he wanted to spend his last night with her.

It wasn’t exactly the great romantic asking that Liliana normally didn’t condone but had been (secretly) hoping for, but it was sweet and it made her heart warm and her cheeks flush and a little monster to do flips in her stomach. “I’d like that,” she replied quietly, shyly almost. It was clear that Atlas saw her only as a friend, but at least he cared enough about her to want to go to the ball with her on his arm instead of some other random witch.

10 Liliana Sounds good to me. 274 Liliana 0 5