Sophia Randolph
June 12, 2012 12:02 AM
Heres come nothing [Renée] by Sophia Randolph
Sophia had been invited to a Pureblood party during midterm, and she had replied with a polite decline of the invitation. The Pecari hated everything that had to do with Pureblood society. She could even spit on it. There was no chance in hell that she would appear at Eliza’s party to prance about with a group of stuck-up people that frowned upon her blood status because her mother was a Muggle-born. The blonde sixth-year preferred to maintain her distance from such a crowd. However, she rather liked Eliza.The Pecari was proud of being part of two worlds. The Muggle one had its own charm, like the wizarding. It was a shame that she rarely adventured in the former one, but her parents rarely left their little magical community in Milwaukee. Thankfully for her, a lot of Muggle-borns were part it, so she wasn’t so isolated from it. It was nice compromise, she thought.
However, being back at Sonora made her feel a tad bit sad, especially because she could only think about the one person she had ignored for most the year: Renée. The younger girl wasn’t the one to blame for anything. In fact, Sophia should be glad about her kisses, because they made her realize about her preferences.
So, after being back for a few days, she decided she needed to apologize to Renée. She was her only true friend, and Sophia had ignored her out of her own fears. It was time to come clean with her. If Renée rejected her, then that would be it and if not, then they could continue with their friendship like nothing had happened.
Sophia entered the water room a few minutes before the time she had told Renée to meet her in her letter. It was the point of no return. She was going to do it. Plain and simple and there was no way she would back out. Sophia needed to do it, because it was eating her on the inside. She missed Renée and her quirkiness.
The Pecari looked up when she heard someone entering. She smiled brightly at Renée, “I am sorry.” That was the only thing that she could muster. She got up from the chair she was using and stood in front of Renée. “I hope you can forgive me for being such a bad friend.” The smile that grazed her face hadn’t faltered. She was happy to see her and finally speak to her. It was a relief to finally get rid of such a heavy burden.
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Sophia Randolph
Heres come nothing [Renée]
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Sophia Randolph
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Renée Errant
July 18, 2012 1:40 PM
Nothing is what you get! by Renée Errant
The best idea she could come up with was to ignore the letter. She thought about tearing it up, crumpling it up, passing by the common room fireplace and casually tossing the fragments in, the flames licking the parchment with greedy impatience. But Renée thought that would acknowledge it too much, suggest an interest on her part toward something so insignificant. She refused to do so. Her fingers took a gentle hold of each corner of the letter, folding it over, trying her best not to unduly crease, slipping the thin parchment into one of her textbooks, leaving it there, trying to forget about it.She could feel it burning through its paper encased cage, small tremors traveling through the wood of her desk, tiny sparks of electricity tickling her arm, then stinging her. She willed herself to ignore, focus on her lessons, get through the day without her mind wandering toward Sophia. I don’t care. I don’t care. You were the one who stopped talking, not that it matters, because I don’t care, and fat chance getting me to talk to you ever again. There was nothing Sophia could say, and nothing she needed to say, anyway, because it did not matter much to Renée why her best friend had decidedly stopped talking to her. People grew up, people moved on, developing differing interests and as Sophia was a dull, boorish, simple minded being it was only inevitable that she and Renée should have parted ways.
You want to talk to me now, though, huh? I wonder why... if I’m so horrible that you couldn’t bear to talk to me before then what has changed? I haven’t changed, I refuse to change, and I refuse to talk to you. The tip of her quill broke, concentration wavering during potions class, and she hurriedly cleaned up the mess of splattered ink. Not that it matters, but why did you stop? It couldn’t have been about the kiss. Didn’t I explain to you, estúpida? It was just a kiss, it did not mean anything, I just wanted to touch you. Why is that such a difficult thing? Eres una niña estúpida. You smelled nice, you looked nice, I leaned in closer, my lips pressed against yours, and that was it. But now, of course, I do not care, I would never want to touch you in any way again. Not a hug, not a smile, wouldn’t even touch your hand, wouldn’t even kiss you on the cheek. No me preocupo por ti. Usted es invisible para mí.
Class ended, she went to lunch, grabbing a ham sandwich and quickly leaving, a goblet of pumpkin juice held in her hand, sipping while the Arizona sun beat down hot upon her neck, her fingers trailing the walls of the gardens, losing herself in the maze, forgetting the paths she had just taken, unable to figure out how to turn back. She didn’t care. She turned the corner and found a bench, relaxing onto the cool stone, her teeth sinking into the hard crust of baguette, tugging with mild savage pleasure at the thin red meat. No voy a venir a usted. No voy a venir a usted. No voy a verte. Her eyes closed, she breathed in, out, tongue darting out, tasting the cool spice of pumpkin juice on her lips.
Were my kisses so bad? I liked to feel you. Maybe I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry. But you didn’t have to block me out. You didn’t have to leave me, and you never even said anything, you just stopped talking, the least you could have done... what is it? What is it? I was just getting used to you being gone. Please let this be... I don’t know what I want this to be. We can’t be friends. Not again. You’re cruel, you’re cruel, you didn’t even say anything to me. You just left.
She blinked, the gardens were gone, and Sophia’s letter was folded up, burning a hole in the pockets of her forest green robes. No quiero verte, Sophia. No quiero hablar con usted. Yo voy a dejar. What was this tightness in her chest? A little like holding her breath, a little like suffocating, her throat burning, her body strained and aching, she needed air, she needed to turn back, she needed to go away, keep her distance as well as Sophia had done.
The door to the water room opened, pushed by Renée’s hand, and the cool breeze brushing the still lake coursed through her, dark curls tumbling over her shoulders, let loose so she could hide behind them if need be. There you are. There you are. I see you. Do you see me? And what are you going to say? What do you have to say to me? She stared as the older girl approached, a million angry retorts ready to spring like poison from her tongue, willing an infection to spread from Sophia’s disgustingly silent lips, all the way through her body.
“I am sorry.” Renée waited, stiff, caught by something invisible wrapped around her, keeping her there, legs unmoving, but she wanted to lash out, kick hard, catch Sophia on her shins. “I hope you can forgive me for being such a bad friend.” Renée took a breath, and this was exactly one of many things she thought Sophia would say. How unoriginal, how meaningless, and she couldn’t believe she’d gone out of her way to hear it. Meaningless, meaningless, meaningless but there must have been sand in the air, carried by the wind, stinging her eyes, she turned her face away, hand curling into a fist, a sharp nail piercing the palm of her hand, a childhood trick, soundlessly ordering herself not to cry.
“You’re not a friend at all, so it doesn’t matter.” Renée turned back, willing her voice to be cold, her eyes to be hard, her face to be impassive. But each emotion she felt poured from every soft curve of her face; her lips dipped in a pout, her eyes begging for an explanation, her voice husked with attempted roughness and barely restrained anger. “I just wanted to know what the hell your problem was.”
ooc: Sorry for taking so incredibly long!
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Renée Errant
Nothing is what you get!
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Renée Errant
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Sophia
July 23, 2012 10:35 PM
I deserver that, I think. by Sophia
Sophia knew that she was not going to receive the warmest of welcomes from her strong-willed younger friend. She had ignored her for a pretty long time and that wasn’t something a friend did. To be honest, knowing Renée, Sophia thought she would have to pry the other girl from her face or something. Renée was one of the most complicated people she knew, but once you got to know her, she was sweet and very friendly. Spoiled at times, but she assumed that came from her seemingly perfect life. She had money -- that much was obvious -- and Sophia sometimes felt bad about the fact that she didn’t. It was hard to compete with her off-school friends in that account. It didn’t bother her, but sometimes it just got a hold of her.However, that hadn’t been the reason why she had stopped talking to her. It was something more serious, something she had started.
The Pecari blinked at Renée’s response to her apology. It hurt more than she had thought, and she was ready for rejection. But it still hurt, especially seeing how she had hurt her friend. She had not meant to do it, but it had been a consequence of her self-discovery. Sophia needed to deal with it, though she was well aware that she had taken too long to do it.
She looked at her feet embarrassed about what she had done. “I am really sorry,” Sophia was mumbling. Her green-eyes looked again at Renée. It was very hard seeing the normally care-free girl reflect so many emotions.
There was nothing else to do but to tell her the truth. If Renée rejected her once again then Sophia knew she had done the right thing by apologizing and giving an explanation. It was the only decent thing she could do now, really.
“I never had a problem with you. It was more of my problem,” she started to talk, but the words were jumbled in her mind. How could she explain to her that her kiss had made her realize that she liked girls? This conversation was more difficult than coming out to her parents, because Renée had been the trigger to her realization. “When you kissed me I realized something about me.” By now she was blushing profusely, trying to avoid looking at her directly. Sophia opened her mouth and closed it again. She couldn’t muster the enough courage to say the word that described her.
“Renée, I am gay.” The last word was whispered. She gulped, “I am gay.” This time the word was said in a normal speech tone, but her eyes were once again glued to the floor. Sophia was sure she wouldn’t be able to see Renée reject her one more time.
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Sophia
I deserver that, I think.
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Sophia
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Renée
July 30, 2012 7:55 PM
And far worse. by Renée
Readying herself to meet Sophia’s gaze, Renée eyes immediately darted away at the hint of green, focusing on the water, focusing on the sand, unwilling to allow herself to be swayed by faux emotions Sophia too easily conveyed. Faker. Liar. You’re not allowed to be upset, you’re not allowed to be sad. I know you’re lying, anyway, I know you want... something, from me, I don’t know what, but you’re not getting it. Sophia was saying words, they seemed to tumble out, hesitantly mumbled, Renée’s brow creased at the uncomfortable sounds Sophia was making. She sensed the older girl facing away, Renée lifted her own gaze, blinking at the rise in color of Sophia’s cheeks. Her fingers instinctively flexed, and something inside her begged to touch the rouge shades, stroke the smoothness of Sophia’s skin, wondering if she could feel the heat."I am gay."
Renée snorted. She couldn’t help it. A soft explosion of sound erupted simultaneously from her throat and nose. And of all the things she imagined Sophia saying, that hadn’t been one of them. “Liar.” She shook her head, amusement at Sophia’s originality mingling with the sting of Sophia’s continued refusal to be honest with her. Her fingers relaxed at her side. She suddenly wondered if this was part of a scheme to draw Renée back in, lips touching, and someone jumping out, catching them in the act, prank well executed, mission accomplished, malicious goal achieved. “What is this? Did you call me down here just to tease me, or something?”
She heard the change in her voice. She felt it like the sharp tip of a dagger pressed against her throat, dragged down through the soft waves of her breasts, poked hard into her gut, but without a cut, without the emergence of blood, there was only heightened tension and no relief. The constant promise and unfulfillment of pain. Renée couldn’t stand to feel this way, though a part of her remained simply curious (infuriated) at this hold Sophia’s sudden absences and appearances appeared to have on her. It wasn’t her primary inclination to distrust, to even feel hurt by another’s words or actions. But she distrusted the words Sophia spoke, and the older girl’s actions hurt. Hadn’t they once been like sisters? Why why why would one sister do this to another?
I see what you think now. I see what you think. Tell me you’re gay. Una lesbiana repugnante. You think I like that, that I am that, and want you to be too? Is that it? Get me to kiss you, but I don’t want to, and not just because there’s someone around here, hiding in the bushes, or below the water, lungs charmed to hold breath. I don’t want to because I don’t want to. I don’t care about you, I don’t want to feel your lips. Increased pressure of her nail digging into her palm. She would not cry, she would not give Sophia the satisfaction. To admit that she was hurt, to admit that Sophia had any power over her, was to let the world end. Her whole world would end. She felt that with absolute certainty. Knew that the most important thing in her life was this moment. Don’t let her know. Can’t let her know. Won’t let her know. But there was more sand blowing into her eyes, and she could taste the salt on her lips. She was afraid that she’d lost, but realized her cheeks were still dry, and it was only the ocean spray that painted the pout dipped into her mouth. She kept her face turned away, gaze lowered, trying to blink out whatever was stinging her eyes. Just sand. Only that and nothing more.
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Renée
And far worse.
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Renée
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Sophia
August 05, 2012 6:49 PM
Isn't this enough? by Sophia
This wasn’t happening. This wasn’t happening.A lot of scenarios had gone through her mind when she confessed to Renée her sexual preference, but to be accused of lying by the younger girl had not been one of them. How could Renée think she would be lying about such a serious matter? More importantly, just to tease her? Renée was obviously more than angry about being ignored by her. Which she didn´t blame her for, but seriously, she was trying to be honest with her.
Sophia looked at Renée, a scowl rapidly forming on her face. This wasn´t a game and Renée had no right to accuse her of lying. She was didn’t know what to do now, because Renée was not listening to her. She had the right to be angry, because she had been a very bad friend, but it hurt to see her reaction to her honesty.
“I am not a liar and I didn’t ask you here to tease. I am truly sorry,” she crossed her arms. “I was a bad friend and shouldn’t have ignored you because I was having issues.” It was the truth and there was no other way to explain it any further. Her insecurities had made her enclose herself in a little shell of security. Sophia didn’t like being rejected, but it seemed she her strategy had backfired. She was being rejected by her best friend.
Sophia’s green eyes were awkwardly scanning the room and ended up on Renée’s face. She was facing down, and Sophia thought she was crying. But on further inspection it had been just a mirage. “I am sorry I hurt you.” There wasn’t anything else she could really do about it. She was sorry and had voiced it. If Renée wanted to forgive her it would be awesome, but if she didn´t then she had the right to. However, Sophia didn´t want her to think it was all a ruse.
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Sophia
Isn't this enough?
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Sophia
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Renée
August 08, 2012 3:39 PM
It's never enough. by Renée
It was her natural inclination to trust what people said. It was her own nature to voice exactly what she thought when pressed, to act how she wanted, do what she wanted, and to be denied rarely occurred as a possibility to her. Her instincts told her to trust the steadiness of Sophia’s voice, the genuinity shining between the flecks of green in her eyes. But hadn’t Sophia already proven herself unworthy to be trusted? Renée didn’t believe in second chances, not with this. She hurt me. She didn’t want to admit to that. I am hurt. It meant that Sophia had a power over her. It meant that Renée had to regain that power. It meant that she had to hurt Sophia. Now, I’ll walk away. Now, I’ll never talk to you again. See how you like it. Come on, let’s see. But the prospect of further isolation seemed just as much punishment for her as it would be for Sophia. And, besides, Sophia had already proven she could bear staying away from Renée quite happily.If she did want to believe Sophia, believe that she was gay, a lesbian, or at least believe that Sophia believed this to be so, then it wouldn’t be a stretch to believe that Sophia might... might like... might like Renée in... in a lesbian gay sapphic way. But that is ridiculous! Wouldn't she have known this of her best friend? If Sophia was gay, then Renée had to believe that she was then attracted to Renée. Otherwise, it was a great insult. If she wasn’t attracted to Renée, then she could only rationalize that as Sophia lying to her about being a lesbian, and then this would all be a ruse. So there it was, there was the solution. Obviously, they couldn’t be friends again, couldn’t be sisters again, not like before, because she didn’t believe in second chances, and what they had was ruined. There were only two roads; Sophia was lying, and so Renée would turn her back, leave her in the dust, enemies forever, until school finally ended and Renée was released into the world. Or, Sophia was genuine, attracted to Renée, and Renée could use that to her advantage, hurt Sophia in a way that would make them even. And then both could move on.
“Alright.” She finally spoke, forcing her voice to remain steady. “Alright, so you’re telling the truth.” She swallowed, and suddenly she didn’t feel all that confident, and fear of rejection nearly made her freeze, but she reminded herself of who she was, what she was, and that to be denied was to not be an Errantez. “So... so prove it.” She hadn’t noticed before how dry her mouth was, how much sand was blowing in the air, her forehead damp with ocean spray and a thin sheet of perspiration, her dark curls pinned to her skin. “I - I mean,” Oh god, was this what death felt like? Clammy palms and her breath shaken, confidence seeping out as her soul chipped away. “Kiss me.” Her voice descended into a mumble, and the last of her bravado was stripped away. “Please.”
She felt her lashes on her cheeks, a gentle brush of defeat, and for the life of her she could not fathom why she’d ended her command, her dare, with a plead. She was worthless, she was pathetic, and it was so unfair that it wasn’t her inclination to deceive. Her mouth was connected to her heart, not her brain, and her heart was thudding hard, clenched tight, and begging.
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Renée
It's never enough.
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Renée
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Sophia
August 10, 2012 6:59 PM
*sniffles* by Sophia
Sophia had worked hard to maintain her life away from Renée with the purpose of saving what they had. It had been a futile attempt and now she could realize just how stupid she had been. She had hurt Renée and herself in the process of finding herself without involving everyone she cared about. She had epically messed up, and Sophia was now in the verge of tears due to her own stupidity. It was all a tragedy. And she was sorry, but she now understood she couldn’t heal the wounds she had inflicted on Renée with a simple ´I am sorry´.The minutes it took for Renée to speak up again felt like they had been an eternity. It was a big lapse in time where Sophia felt drowning in her own guilt. She had never been such a bad person, but her fear of rejection had made her so stupid things and like everything in life the consequences weren’t always pretty.
She finally spoke. And she believed her!
Sophia beamed at Renée. Her friend believed her! A little sigh of relief left her lips. This could still get back on track. She missed her younger friend a lot, and was willing to do anything to regain her trust. The first step had been taken and now everything could be better for the both of them. Things would hopefully get back to normal before long and they could go back to having fun and exploring the gardens without a care in the world.
The Pecari had was surprised by Renée’s plead. She wanted her to kiss her? But..but…The blonde blinked and took a step back. Sophia did find the other girl attractive, but she wanted to get her friend back, not get a girlfriend. The blonde liked Renée more than she wanted her. They were friends. Well, they had been best friends before she had done the most stupid thing in her life.
She sighed not really knowing what to do. Renée looked so frail and Sophia wanted to make her feel better. Sophia bit her lower lip and took a step closer to Renée. If she wanted a kiss she would get a kiss, but maybe not the one she had asked for.
Sophia lifted her chin and placed a chaste kiss on Renée lips. “I hope we can go back to being friends.” She smiled. “I was miserable without your company.”
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Sophia
*sniffles*
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Sophia
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