[Staff Lounge] Fuzzy Timing it back into midterm (Isis) on Sonora Lounges

Nathan Xavier

December 09, 2016 9:53 AM

[Staff Lounge] Fuzzy Timing it back into midterm (Isis) by Nathan Xavier

Nathan sat in the staff lounge. It wasn't a thing he normally did much, preferring usually his greenhouses or the Teppenpaw Common Room as his relaxation locations, but today the greenhouses were just reminding him of the grading he was putting off until after Christmas, and the common room felt empty and ghostlike with most of the students home for the holidays. As Teppenpaw was usually so warm and full of friendly chatter, the quiet now felt almost creepy and so he was here, in the staff lounge, which was at least supposed to be quiet and free of students.

He was reading a book he had gotten for Christmas last year and hadn't yet gotten around to reading. When he visited his family tomorrow, he wanted to be able to tell his brother he had enjoyed it, so he was hoping to squeeze it all in before he left. When the door opened though, he smiled, tucked his bookmark in place, and put the book aside.

"Isis," he greeted warmly, eyes brighting as they fell up his, his girlfriend. They'd gone on enough pre-dates that slowly morphed into real-dates that he felt he was allowed to use that word now, as strange as it still felt to his brain, which was only beginning to get past its idea that he was cursed to be single forever. Even stranger had been Alfie's candy gram, and it had taken him an inordinately long time to figure out who the 'her' was he was supposed to take care of, and for that matter who 'A' was, but once one came to him, the whole thing came together and he'd felt a strange combination of pleased, inadequate, determined, and relief that Alfie seemed not to harbor any kind of jealousy of any sort. It was the kind of thing a brother might write to his sister's new boyfriend and that helped Nathan define the obvious affection and familiarity he was sure he hadn't imagined between them.

"I was hoping you might swing in here eventually." He pointed to the counter with the teapot. "I've got peppermint tea brewed and some gingerbread cookies, if you'd like any." He would have made the offer to any of the staff who wandered in, those few left overseeing the school with him, but he was glad it was Isis who showed first. "The elves always give me way more than I can eat by myself."

He waved his own mug of tea, with a candy cane sticking out of it as a stirring rod, and added, smiling, "Thank you for your candy gram."

1 Nathan Xavier [Staff Lounge] Fuzzy Timing it back into midterm (Isis) 28 Nathan Xavier 1 5

Isis Carter

December 12, 2016 12:49 AM

Ah, the holidays. by Isis Carter

Her coat was completely inappropriate for an Arizona December, but Isis was just in from a place where winter had more bite. She had settled her mother into the new apartment in Phoenix and promptly returned to the broken down house that had somehow sustained them in Detroit. She couldn’t help but pace the now officially abandoned building that she had once called home. The dust on their seats did not go unnoticed.

But she was back now, a leather-bound album tucked beneath her arm. The family photo album was, with its nice brown exterior, perhaps the nicest thing they had ever kept in that house, and she was pleased to find that time had been kind to it. It was worn only minimally, a bit frayed on the spine but the memories within it preserved perfectly. The highlights of her childhood was within here, what happiness she had known captured forever.

She stopped by the staff lounge before returning to her quarters, just curious about who might still be around. Previous midterms had been staffed by at least her and Nathan, just keeping an eye on what few students happened to choose to remain behind that year. And it was he now who she found in the lounge, his voice calling her name bringing a smile to her face.

“Ooh, thanks,” she said, pulling off her jacket as she turned toward the counter to herself a mug. She’d never really been a tea person, leaning more toward the coffee side of that particular debate, but she was a fan of peppermint, and she trusted Nathan not to steer her wrong. She popped a cookie in her mouth, grabbed her mug with one hand and her coat with the other, and found herself a seat beside him.

“Oh, I got yours too,” she remarked of the candy grams, pulling most of the cookie away from her lips now that her belongings were situated on the table beside her and she therefore had a free hand. “That was a very sweet note you sent.” Isis had kept hers fairly simple, and in fact wondered if even drawing a smiley face had been too much for the blooming relationship, but Nathan’s kindness, as always, reassured her.

She sipped the tea and was pleasantly surprised by how much she liked it; while she didn’t think she could drink it frequently, she would at least be able to finish this mug. “So, have any interesting plans for the holidays?”

12 Isis Carter Ah, the holidays. 31 Isis Carter 0 5

Nathan

December 23, 2016 10:45 AM

Yes indeed by Nathan

Nathan smiled, pleased that she seemed to like the tea. He had noticed she tended more to the coffee end of the hot beverage spectrum, but peppermint tea was a family staple at Christmas time for him, and it didn't feel like a proper holiday without at least one cup of it.

"Just going to swing on in at my brother's house for a few hours tomorrow for Christmas Eve, probably get there around three or so then stay through dinner," he answered. "My nephews will get their gifts from me then. Mom and Dad will be there then, too. That'll be my big party this year, since Danny's visiting his wife's side of the family for Christmas day. Mom and Dad might swing into Pheonix, though, if you want to join me for lunch with them? Dad's not a wizard so he can't enter the school grounds."

He hesitated a moment not sure if it was a question he should ask yet, but decided it was going to be one of his better opportunities to ask about the family she didn't talk about without seeming like he was prying. "What about you? I know you're usually around most of the midterm break, too, but do you have anyone you plan to visit for a little while?"

1 Nathan Yes indeed 28 Nathan 0 5

Isis

December 29, 2016 2:58 PM

It sure brings things out of people. by Isis

“Phoenix?” Isis repeated, doing her best to squash the immediate bubble of anxiety that filled her chest. She had just settled her mother in that very city, and that was not a run-in she really wanted to have. It was a big city, though, so the odds were low, especially when her mother wouldn’t know her way around and was, Isis imagined, unlikely to venture out. Still, maybe she had placed her mother too close. How often would Isis be in Phoenix, especially with others? Would she panic every time it came up?

“Sounds nice,” she forced out as convincingly as possible. “I’ll, ah, have to check my bank account - might be a bit low after the holiday - but definitely let me know when that happens.” Fortunately a gift-giving holiday made a decent excuse for low funds, so she could refrain from spelling out the bills she was now paying for the apartment in Phoenix. Isis had lived in poverty from birth until Sonora, so she was hardly too proud to discuss money, but the cause of this particular financial imposition she was not yet prepared to discuss.

She swallowed. Nathan’s question was quite harmless, really, but the answer was, as most things in her life tended to be, a bit complicated. “Oh, uh, yeah,” she managed. “I’ll be running out again at some point tomorrow or the day after. Won’t be too long, though. Short annual thing.” I’m visiting my brother. He’s in jail, she added mentally, scorning her own private nature. It wasn’t like Nathan would hold it against her - she knew that - but she just wasn’t one for words.

Isis glanced at the table, at the leather-bound volume she brought with her, and had an idea.

She sat down her tea and grabbed the album. Maybe if she wasn’t going to talk about herself and her life, she could use the pictures to let her life speak for itself. “Want to look through this with me?” she asked, cracking open the nearly untouched leather. “It’s, um, the Carter family photo album.” It was perhaps the least enthusiastic-sounding introduction to anything in history, but the message was clear: she was trying.

12 Isis It sure brings things out of people. 31 Isis 0 5

Nathan

December 31, 2016 10:00 PM

Like photo albums? by Nathan

"Great," Nathan smiled, sure his mom would love seeing her again and his dad had been asking when he got to meet the lady who finally broke Nathan's long streak of bachelorhood. "And don't worry about paying for it. Lunch is on me this time. My dad wants to meet you. Consider it a Christmas present." He decided not to try to sort out who it was for; himself, Isis, or Dad.

He wasn't surprised when his question was sidestepped without really answering with any kind of specifics, but he was surprised when she pulled over the book she'd brought in and opened it. A photo album?

"Wow," he said, scooting closer to see. "Am I going to get to see tiny you?" he asked, impressed and feeling quite honored.

1 Nathan Like photo albums? 28 Nathan 0 5

Isis

January 02, 2017 3:05 AM

And mistakes. by Isis

“Oh, no, you don’t have to-” Isis began immediately, but her protests died in her throat. She didn’t like hand outs, but, as she reminded herself, letting him buy lunch once was not the same thing. After all, it did say this time, not like he was offering to buy her things forever. Plus, this was what people in relationships did, wasn’t it? They were kind to one another, and sometimes that meant trading off who was paying. She would have to try to find the funds to return the favor later. “That sounds lovely, actually,” she said with a forced change in tone “Thank you.”

“Am I going to get to see a tiny you?”

“And a whole lot more,” she stated with a weak smile, pulling the leather open. “My mother put this together, but she isn’t the craftiest person, so bear with me.” The photos were in chronological order, beginning with her parents’ wedding photo (featuring the tiniest stomach bump who would be named Kamri). There were her older siblings’ baby photos, along with their first several years, before Isis’s own. “That’s me,” she said, pointing out the photo. There was not one of her mother holding her, the first one a posed picture of the three siblings dressed up for Christmas. Isis was months old, her sister and brother about eight and seven respectively.

There was a single photo of her and her father, and she was two years old in it. “He died when I was very small,” she explained. She left out the details of his death, the Detroit police officer who decided out while black was a crime punishable with his life.

Time went on. Isis got bigger. There was a picture of Isis at thirteen standing with her sister, their arms linked. Kamri looked aged beyond her mere twenty-one years. Tired. Before them stood another girl, just three years old. Their dresses all matched. “Our kid sister, Sasha.” Isis mentioned briefly about Sasha’s father, how he’d left them.

Then there was no more Kamri. It was a time of more photos than other years, so the emptiness was obvious. Isis didn’t feel the need to point it out. Still, even in the photos where Isis or their mother seemed beaten down, Jahmaal was always smiling. So was Sasha.

But then came a photo she hadn’t thought to expect. The caption beneath it, her mother’s scribbled but legible print: My baby, with her baby. It was Isis asleep on the couch. Fifteen years old and decidedly pregnant. No older than Alfie’s kid brother was now.

When she recovered enough from the shock to react, she slammed the album shut. “I didn’t know…. That picture….” she fumbled helplessly. “I said no photos when I…” The damage was done, though; there was no way he hadn’t seen it, hadn’t read the caption and compared it to her extended belly in the photograph above it.

Isis didn’t look up. She couldn’t. She just stared at the front cover of the closed photo album. “I’m sorry.”

12 Isis And mistakes. 31 Isis 0 5

Nathan

January 13, 2017 11:29 AM

It hurts by Nathan

Ooc: First let me apologize profusely for an illegally short post last time. I had premature submission and had to run to do New Years Eve family stuff, and there was already a reply before I could get back to do anything about it. (Whoo, amazing post!) So this one is extra long and hopefully redeems me. BIC:

Nathan smiled as she dropped her protests and agreed to join him and his parents for lunch on Christmas. "Great, it's a date then." Probably not a particularly romantic one, what with his mom and dad present and all, but having his girlfriend meet his family was kind of a big deal, right? So he was counting it.

After that, he sat with Isis, flipping though the photo album, meeting her family, if in absentia. Isis had two older siblings. Interesting. For some reason, he'd been under the impression she was an oldest child, if she had any siblings at all. Maybe because she just seemed so self-sufficient.

And there she was, baby Isis. "Aw, you were cute," he said, then worried this might be the wrong thing to say and hurried to repair any imagined damage by giving her a grin and a quick peck and saying, "Still are, too."

"I'm sorry," he murmured, gently squeezing her hand a few pages later, when he learned she had lost her dad young. He couldn't begin to imagine how tough that must have been. His own dad had always been such a large comforting presence in his own childhood, even when the man was making him get off the couch to go outside and toss a baseball around when neither of them actually enjoyed the activity. Dad felt it was Important Bonding Time As American Males, and Nathan guessed maybe there was merit to it; the catch game had been beyond dull, but it had been a good time to just chat one on one with Dad, and that was a treasured memory.

Baby Isis grew into Kid Isis and then Teenage Isis. She got another little sister and a step-dad? who left them. Nathan made a sympathetic sound there, too, but it was outside his experience and he wasn't sure how best to comment on it. Time continued to march forward in the photos, though, so he didn't seem expected to say anything.

In addition to her late father, and the mother who put together the album (Nathan thought she did a fine job, though he was unclear on whether she was still alive; Isis hadn't said she had passed like she had specified for her father, and she had used the present tense when speaking of her craftsmanship skills, but on the other hand, Isis had possession of the album now, and he couldn't recall her talking about her mother much at all. Nathan talked about his mom at least once a week, so he was guessing at this point Isis' mom had also passed, possibly recently), Nathan also noticed the sudden absence of the older sister. He didn't ask though, because if Isis wanted to talk about it right now, she would have narrated it as she had her father and step father's loss.

And then there was The Picture. My baby with her baby, read the caption. It featured the person he had come to recognize as Teen Isis. And she was pregnant. Very pregnant. Like, way too pregnant to have gotten an abortion pregnant, even though he was quite sure she never talked about a kid of her own now.

He felt, he didn't know how he felt. This was far far far before him so there was no jealousy. He felt something though. Sorrow, he thought, regret for the loss of a young innocent life. Two of them probably.

Isis slammed the album closed and Nathan jumped slightly, startled by the sound.

She stammered and wouldn't look at him. He put an arm around her, seeking to pull her into a hug. He said softly, sympathetically, "I'm so so sorry. Was it a stillbirth?"

If he couldn't imagine losing a father, his ability to comprehend what it must have been like to lose a child when still a child herself was entirely beyond him. His heart hurt for her.

1 Nathan It hurts 28 Nathan 0 5

Isis

January 14, 2017 3:51 AM

You can say that again. by Isis

His arm stretched around her. She didn’t lean into it, but still. It was… nice. “Was it… what?”

Of course. Of course Nathan was being kind and supportive and sympathetic and understanding and perfect. God, he was a good man. And he deserved far better than Isis, someone more whole and with a hell of a lot less baggage. But he had her, so wishing him better was laid aside for now, a spiral for a different day.

“I was going to tell you later… at some point…” she fumbled weakly, forcing herself to look at him. Tough or not, this was the way it was right now, and Isis Carter was no coward. “I have had… a very rough time before this job.” It was the understatement of the century, but she was working up to it. She was trying. That counted for something. It meant something. A lot of what she did in her life was trying, and maybe it wasn’t always enough, but it was something. It meant something.

She let herself be a little less stubborn for a minute, a little less proud, and her body grew less rigid, letting Nathan’s arm envelop her properly. There was an unimaginable peace in another person’s warmth. She had never known it before him. “I was so young,” she said, her voice quiet but strong, lilting to suggest it was the only explanation she had to offer. “So young. Fifteen, actually, and… And I made some dumb mistakes. Let myself get involved with the wrong boy. It was the bad part of town, and he was tough and calloused, and I thought he’d keep me safe. I was wrong.” There, her voice wavered a little, fluctuated by something between a laugh and the verge of tears. But Isis was not a crier.

“He, ah, he didn’t want to have it, but I did it.” Even now she was proud of this decision, and it showed in her tone. Despite everything that came from it, losing Deontay and Jahmaal in one fell swoop, Isis was proud of herself. Her mistake was also her greatest accomplishment. “And I held this little bundle in my arms, and I looked at her, and then I gave her away to a couple of teachers I’d had because I couldn’t do right by her.” Isis was decidedly choked up at this point, but she was not a crier.

“And then I didn’t see her for ten years. I didn’t check in, I didn’t call, I didn’t send presents - I couldn’t afford presents,” she added it quickly, tacking it on like a reason, mostly for herself. “Not until this job, and then I went to them and I all but asked to have her back, I asked them to send her here so I could keep an eye on her and get to know her and see if I had any good in me and if it had gone to her. And because they’re so good, they agreed.” Isis swiped at phantom tears.

At some point she had turned away, but she looked back to him now with almost a smile. “Remember when I got a little, um, emotional at the ball?” she asked. “Because Nevaeh Reed looked so grown up in that dress. I said I knew her parents.” Isis laughed a small, sad laugh at her own expense. “I guess it wasn’t a lie.... She looks so much like her father, sometimes I can’t stand it.” She didn't say it outright. She didn't think she had to.

Isis swallowed hard, forcing her tone back to some semblance of usual. “So, uh, now you know about… well, realistically, maybe half of the dumpster fire that was the first twenty-five-ish years of my life? It’s been one hell of a ride.” Again, an understatement, but an intended one. “I’m sorry I’m not… I should have… It’s hard,” she settled on after a moment. “I’m private and closed off, and it’s because it’s been… hard. I’ve done things I’m not necessarily proud of. I’m selfish - I really am - and I’m secretive.” She curled further into his arm, her hand finding his and squeezing, nervously. “But I’m working on it. Nobody’s ever looked at me like you do, Nathan, and I want to be someone who deserves it. So I’ll keep working. Okay?”

12 Isis You can say that again. 31 Isis 0 5

Nathan

January 18, 2017 12:02 PM

It hurts by Nathan

Nathan was going to go ahead and assume 'a very rough time before this job' was about equivalent to saying 'Santa had a lot of places to visit tomorrow night.' True certainly, but beyond the limits of conversational language to fully express the enormity of it.

"Oh," he said, when she got to the part about giving away her baby, an almost relieved sound. That was a better scenario than the one he'd imagined, but doubtless difficult in its own right. And that meant there was a child out there who . . .

"Oh," he said again, more surprised this time, because he hadn't been expecting to actually know the daughter his girlfriend gave up for adoption when she was just a baby. They didn't look a lot alike. Neveah really must favor her father in looks, but there had been moments of resemblance, few and mostly just in this last half year, though he had easily dismissed them as spending larger amounts of time with Isis which then made him project some of her features onto the only other black person currently at the school (which had consequently made him feel guilty for an apparent racial insensitivity). It was actually good to know there might have been some reality behind those flashes after all.

"It's," he started to reassure reflexively, but the word 'okay' that he'd been intending to use to finish that sentence was maybe not the correct one given the circumstances. "It's a lot to take in," he revised, "but I'm glad you trust me enough to share it," he smiled at her in a way he hoped was comforting and reassuring. "I'm not going anywhere so don't worry about that. Take as long as you need to sort through the other half of your first twenty five years, and when you're ready, I'm told I'm a good listener. No rush, though, I may need a little time yet to process through this half." He smiled at her with just a hint of self-effacing humor, hoping that she would understand he was mostly just trying to lighten the atmosphere.

Though a few hours of processing time, at minimum, might actually be required once he was back in Teppenpaw territory.

"Have," he stopped, struggling to figure out the question he was trying to ask, "Is Neveah one of the people you'll be visiting for Christmas then? If you're going to be with your daughter, you don't need to hurry back to Pheonix to see my folks."

1 Nathan It hurts 28 Nathan 0 5

Isis

January 20, 2017 1:30 AM

Hopefully it's a meaningful hurt. by Isis

“I’m not going anywhere so you don’t need to worry about that.” He said more than that, and all of quite reassuring and kind and wonderful, but that was what stood out. It was an easy thing to say - Isis had heard a variety of people offer some version of it, either to her or to others in their lives - but harder to mean. Nobody in her life had ever meant it before, herself included. But Nathan meant it. She could feel it.

Isis felt far more tired than she should have, maybe just from being spent emotionally, so she curled up with him as close as she could, letting herself bask in his warmth and simply believe in him, in them. She’d never had such a luxury before. “Thank you,” she mumbled into his chest, so quiet he may not have heard at all.

He asked if she’d been visiting Nevaeh for the holiday, and she shifted slightly, although not nearly enough to be considered a retraction from him. “No, I, ah, don’t usually join the Reeds for these things,” she answered “I wouldn’t want to intrude.” She was invited - she was always invited, even before she knew she was invited - but it felt like such an imposition. Isis wasn’t family in any way except blood, and only to Nevaeh. Maurice and Shirley were huge forces in her childhood, but she wasn’t a child anymore. They hardly knew her now.

“If I’m being honest, I’m seeing my brother,” she added, pausing nervously. “He’s in jail.” That was her fault, too, looking back. She’d gotten them all into that position, she was the one he wanted to save, and she was the one who begged to call 9-1-1. She should have known they couldn’t trust the system, couldn’t trust the police. Jahmaal had learned that lesson from their father’s death, but Isis wanted to call for medical attention for Deontay. She should have known there was no saving him; the dispatched “help” would only take Jahmaal from her, too. She knew now that people like them could not trust the police. In fact, there was only one officer of any kind that she’d ever met who was worthy of trust. In him, she had invested greatly, trusting him with her body, mind, and spirit, perhaps more than she’d ever trusted anyone. “They won’t let me stay for too long, though. Half an hour, maybe an hour if they’re feeling generous. I’ll be back in plenty of time to meet up with your parents.”

12 Isis Hopefully it's a meaningful hurt. 31 Isis 0 5

Nathan

February 08, 2017 2:04 PM

Yes, definitely, with a healthy dollop of concern by Nathan

Nathan held Isis, feeling closer to her now than he ever had before, though this was not the first time they had snuggled on a couch before. This was different somehow; deeper. He could almost see this moment stretching forward and backward through eternity.

It didn't last that long, of course, and she pulled back, just a little, to answer his question about her Christmas plans.

"Oh," Nathan said again, somehow finding himself more lacking in words upon the discovery that her brother was in prison than he had been over the whole Nevaeh situation. The boy he'd just seen grow up in old photographs certainly hadn't looked like a criminal, and his small-town middle-class largely-white background hadn't previously encountered the concept of prison outside of fiction.

"That, um, well, tell him Merry Christmas from me. If he knows about me, that is. Does, er, Do you see him often? Does he know you're dating anyone?" He'd read enough bad fiction to know to be wary of older brothers in prison, especially older brothers in prison who'd seen their little sister get pregnant as a teenager. "My intentions are entirely honorable!"

1 Nathan Yes, definitely, with a healthy dollop of concern 28 Nathan 0 5