Saul Pierce
May 13, 2008 3:14 PM
Doing my homework (sort of) (wotw) by Saul Pierce
Saul had a bunch of papers spread out over one of the tables in the common room. Two books also lay open before him. One was his history text book, and the other one was his potions text book (which had nothing whatsoever to do with the history essay he was working on, but he thought it made him look more studious and prefectly to have two different books open). It wasn't like him to start an assignment so long before it was due (and this one wasn't due until the end of the year), but Flatt wanted a whole hundred feet, which was probably even longer than one of Echo's furious novels, so Saul figured he ought to get started right away.He thought it was a hundred feet. He'd complained to Simon last night that Flatt wanted a thousand, but he knew it was less than that. Right after he'd gotten the assignment, he knew he'd told Echo and Elly it was a hundred, and that probably hadn't had too much time to grow, so it was probably close. Maybe it was only fifty feet. But no. Flatt was sadistic. Just ask Brett. It had to be an even hundred. Saul really kind of wished he'd written that part of the assignment down. Any part of the assignment really.
He was fairly certain the topic wasn't supposed to actually be How a Pepperoni Pizza Caused the Goblin Wars, but aside from how veganism and rainforest destruction related to goblins, he couldn't really recall what him, Pepper, and Briony had discussed in relation to the assignment. It didn't matter. With a hundred feet of essay, he could cover everything even remotely related to Goblins and their wars.
Like, for example, the moon. "Now," he said aloud, talking to himself as he tried to brainstorm ideas. The moon had to be related. Somehow. "Okay, so the moon is made of cheese. What kind of cheese?" Nationalism was a serious problem in history. "Maybe it's American cheese." But no. The moon was older than America. "No, Swiss cheese."
He frowned. The Swiss weren't known for their violent war-mongering ways though. That wouldn't help in his essay. It was America that got involved in every conflict it could find anymore. "No, American," he decided. "It's gotta be American. Neil Angstrom was the first guy on the moon, right, and he was American, so it has to be American cheese."
He shook his head after a moment, though, disagreeing with himself. "Except, it's got craters and stuff, and American cheese is all flat and smooth. So it's gotta be Swiss." He didn't want it to be Swiss cheese, though. It didn't work with his essay. And the moon wasn't really made of cheese anyway. It was just more fun to insist that it was. Because cheese was great. Saul liked cheese. Especially on pepperoni pizza.
"That's it!" he exclaimed, the force of his epiphany jolting him up to his feet and making him send his papers and books flying. "It's mozzarella cheese! Yes! Just like on the pizza that could have prevented the war! Excellent!" And then he sat down again and reclaimed one of his sheets of paper, and began scribbling out his interpretation of this important facet of the Goblin Wars.
He knew the moon was involved somehow. Then, for a more serious analysis, because he didn't want to completely fail due to his efforts to make the paper entertaining for both himself and Flatt, Saul also added in some astrological facts about the moon and how they pertained to goblins, and the portents of its position in the sky at the time the Goblin Slayer was causing his massacre. If there was one topic Saul could blabber on about and actually sound like he might even know what he was talking about, it was astrology.
Pity, really, that both Astronomy and Divinations were gone now.
1
Saul Pierce
Doing my homework (sort of) (wotw)
82
Saul Pierce
1
5