This sucks. Help me? (Tag: Ness) on Library

Evelyn Stones

September 06, 2018 12:57 AM

This sucks. Help me? (Tag: Ness) by Evelyn Stones

Evelyn had come prepared with several rolls of parchment, quills, and pots of ink. She hoped that being physically prepared would help ease her mental frustration at the task ahead of her. Since she still wasn't sure exactly what action would be taken either by Professor Carter, Deputy Headmistress Skies, Headmaster Brockert, or whoever else was involved, Evelyn had decided to write more vaguely to her parents to tell them she'd be staying with a friend over Christmas. Her stomach clenched in fear at the thought of writing to her father and with guilt at the thought of writing to her mom. It clenched for unknown reasons just thinking of staying with Ness over the holidays.

She had agreed to meet the Aladren in the library, a space which had sort of become home to them and in which they were less likely to be interrupted. Evelyn had told Malikhi a little bit about what was going on but wasn't ready to bring him in on such things as this and she preferred to have Ness' company alone.

Dedicating one piece of paper to brainstorming, braindumping, and organization, Evelyn took notes for herself about what she'd like to say to each parent. She had considered writing two separate letters and decided that that would be the most effective way to quell her mother's hurt feelings without saying too much to her father. It helped that there was rarely anything that happened that her mom didn't know about and any post would be received first by her mom and then passed onto her father. She hoped.

Beyond some simple points about the basics of her holiday plans and some additional explanations and apologies to her mom, Evelyn hadn't gotten very far when Ness arrived, looking kind and determined as usual.

"How about instead of writing letters to my family, you practice a disappearing charm on me?" Evelyn offered, only half-joking. She was pretty sure disappearing charms weren't real, but the temptation to find out was real. "Thanks for helping me," she added, offering an expression that was equally pained and grateful as it was both a grimace and a smile.

22 Evelyn Stones This sucks. Help me? (Tag: Ness) 1422 Evelyn Stones 1 5

Ness McLeod

September 08, 2018 2:00 AM

Figurative and literal hand-holding as required by Ness McLeod

Ness exited the Aladren Common Room and circled around the edge of the library, in order to walk up to Evelyn’s table as if coming from the main door to the room. In some ways, the first year didn’t feel like hiding the location of the Aladren Common Room from Evelyn, who felt like she belonged there anyway, but on the other, it was supposed to be a secret, and if Ness emerged from somewhere in the back of the library every time they were due to meet there, Evelyn was bound to start putting two and two together.

Admittedly, Evelyn probably had other things on her mind right now. It was Letter Writing Day, and Evelyn looked worried as Ness approached, and expressed a wish to disappear, which was not an encouraging sign.

“No, I can’t,” the first year informed her, with a wry smile, “Vanishment is actually a branch of Transfiguration because it’s to do, in a sense, with creating - or in this case uncreating. There are several charms which would help you to be more easily concealed, such as disillusionment, but I don’t think any of those things are actually going to solve your problem, and they’re all way too advanced for us to try,” Ness explained. Even though Evelyn was joking, and Ness knew that Evelyn was joking, it seemed interesting to the Aladren to think about the types of magic that Evelyn might have meant, and to share that knowledge. Sharing was caring, after all. And Ness was sort of joking too. Just… in a very Ness way, where the humour was better when it was based in fact, and easily missed or mistaken for a mini lecture.

“That’s ok,” Ness returned Evelyn’s tentative smile, “Figurative and literal hand-holding available as desired. So… what have you got so far?” Ness nodded at the papers in front of Evelyn, glad to see that she seemed to have something. Ness had pondered the problem, trying to work out what relevant knowledge or skills to bring to this activity, and had concluded that there weren’t many, besides moral support. It definitely seemed like something that the library would not have a book on, which was a shame. It was nice when you could look things up in books and have them make sense, but people very often didn’t work that way. Ness had mentally composed a list of the key points that it seemed important to convey because being prepped for any project was important, but it was reassuring to see Evelyn had some ideas too.

13 Ness McLeod Figurative and literal hand-holding as required 1419 Ness McLeod 0 5

Evelyn Stones

September 08, 2018 2:19 AM

Can I have some of each? by Evelyn Stones

Evelyn sighed. As ready as she was for distractions from the task at hand, it was nice to find that Ness was still Ness. Evelyn was also genuinely fascinated by Ness' knowledge of magic, even if it was about things Evelyn herself could probably never do. She smiled at her friend.

"I don't think I've ever told you, but I really admire your brains," Evelyn said, recognizing right away that whatever walls she'd built for herself were going to be too exhausting to hold up today. If anything, Evelyn wanted to be nothing. Walls down was fine if there was no crying heap of muck on the inside of them. She offered Ness a seat on her left side in case handholding or crying occurred at the same time as letter writing-- she would need her right hand then-- and considered the question about her work so far.

"I tried to think about what I want to say to each of my parents," Evelyn began, trusting that Ness would understand that it was important to say different things to them each. "They both need to know that I'm not coming home for Christmas, where I'm going, and that I'll most likely be back for summer," she went on, pointing at a centered column on one sheet of parchment. "I don't know if that's true but it seems likely if everything gets sorted by then." She was trying to be calm about this but she knew her facade was thin. This hurt and she hated it and the idea of never going home again made her about as sick as going home right then did.

"My mom probably needs to know ab it more. Maybe? I'm not sure if anything's going to happen that she should know about. Maybe I can just... I don't know. I want her to understand because I think she probably already does... but what if she doesn't?" Evelyn grimaced, thinking of her mother's pending heartbreak. She was convinced that such a thing was inevitable, and figured she owed her an explanation. "Whenever people talk about their parents, they talk about them differently than I do. My mom can't be surprised that people are reacting to that, right?" It sounded like the grown up thing to say but Evelyn wasn't sure she really believed it. It was a fantasy she had concocted to make this suck a little bit less.

"Either way, my father doesn't need to know anything my mom doesn't, so his column is blank," she said, pointing at a blank space on the right side of the paper.

She looked at Ness and realized how kind the Aladren looked. Maybe it wasn't a realization so much as a dawning of recognition. She'd known since orientation that Ness was kind, but the fact that Ness had taken time out of the day to come sit in the library and write sad letters, undoubtedly prepared for a fit of tears in the middle, meant a lot. Already having thanked Ness once and preferring not to be weird about it, Evelyn just smiled sadly at her friend and hoped to high heavens that she could repay that kindness someday. Except not for the same reasons, because she didn't want Ness to deal with Letter Writing Day.

22 Evelyn Stones Can I have some of each? 1422 Evelyn Stones 0 5

Ness

September 08, 2018 11:16 PM

Absolutely by Ness

Evelyn liked Ness’ brains. Admired them. Ness’ brains were being admired and appreciated by another human being. A really cute human being.

“Thank you,” the Aladren replied, clearly very touched. It was exactly what Ness wanted another person to value, and there was this little happy back-flippy stomach feeling in spite of the seriousness of the situation. And then, as if that wasn’t enough, Evelyn was presenting a table which analysed her approach to solving the problem. If the whole situation hadn’t been so tragic and sad and serious, it would have been deeply sexy.

“And I admire your problem solving abilities,” Ness returned, looking over the table, “So, what we’re talking is brief factual letter to your father, and a more personal letter to you mom?” It always helped to summarise. “So, either we do the one to your father first because it’s more straightforward, and then we can feel like one thing is checked off the list. Or we do the one to your mom first so you can sort through all your feelings and get them out of your system. Which one feels easier? And are you a fan of taking the easier task first, to get one down, or the harder one first so it’s out of the way?”

13 Ness Absolutely 1419 Ness 0 5

Evelyn Stones

September 09, 2018 12:30 AM

Thank you very much by Evelyn Stones

Evelyn blushed, both at a compliment that must've been sincere for Ness to say it at all, and at something she couldn't identify in Ness' tone. She wasn't sure why it made her stomach feel like it was sweating on the inside but it was a weird nervous feeling that she didn't have a word for and that's all she knew. But then Ness leaned over the table and seemed very close and Evelyn's stomach seemed like it was experiencing some sort of weird fire dance ritual and her face felt hot and she wanted to cry. Why was life so painfully confusing?

"I wanna start with the easy part," Evelyn managed. "That way we can sort of...tip toe our way into this mess. And also so that when we finish the really hard stuff, we can just sit down and cry and drink root beer floats or something." Evelyn had never been one to swear much but she suddenly wanted to swear a lot.

"And yeah, that sounds good. I just don't know which one is the easy letter. Maybe the one to my father is easier. Then I know the main points before we dive into how I feel about all of it since I mostly just feel terrible." Evelyn frowned up at Ness and wondered how the Aladren knew how to do this. Maybe the McLeod foundation had just helped a bunch of really messed up people?

"You sure you don't mind me coming over for Christmas break? I don't want to... I don't know. I don't want to be a burden. What if your family doesn't like me and they're disappointed in your choice of friends...?" At least she was pretty sure that they were actually friends. She tipped her head and leaned miserably on Ness' closest arm, hoping beyond all hope that that was okay.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled. "Is this fine?"

She waited for some sort of angry reaction or outburst of disgust and closed her eyes tightly.

22 Evelyn Stones Thank you very much 1422 Evelyn Stones 0 5

Ness

September 09, 2018 2:33 AM

You're always welcome by Ness

"Yes," Ness assured Evelyn gently as the Pecari leant on the Aladren. "Is this?" Ness checked, wrapping one arm around Evelyn and gently stroking her hair with the other hand. Ness was pretty sure Evelyn wanted comfort, and they were getting overall more familiar with each other, hence moving up to doing alongside asking rather than before for gestures that were familiar-ish, safe-ish territory.

"And I'm sure. I mean, I wish it wasn't for such crappy reasons but I'm excited to take you home with me. You won't be a burden and my family will love you. They just... they wouldn't think like that about someone.

‌"Good plan with the letters. It sounds like you know what you're doing," Ness assured Evelyn. And Ness wasn't the kind of person who just said that. If there was a glaring flaw in someone's logic, that got pointed out pretty darn quickly. What Evelyn was saying made sense though. "It's just hard though, right?" Ness added, to show understanding of why, even with a solid plan in place, Evelyn was not putting quill to paper. Even when you knew what you were doing, it didn't mean the task was easy. Ness hoped that these were the right things to say. The McLeods may have helped people for a living but they didn't exactly have their children do more than file paperwork or help with fundraisers. Ness did not know how to be a counsellor. Still, being listened to by people who did whenever there was a problem had probably worn off to some extent, even if the overwhelming urge was still to try to fix rather than just listen.

13 Ness You're always welcome 1419 Ness 0 5

Evelyn Stones

September 09, 2018 2:32 PM

I don't know what to think. by Evelyn Stones

Evelyn wasn't sure if what Ness was doing was okay. She was pretty sure it was comforting and she appreciated the kindness the Aladren was showing. At the same time, she wasn't really used to so much touching all at once. However, it was a nice feeling and she nodded blankly at Ness before considering the rest of Ness' comment.

Evelyn was a bit confused that Ness' family 'wouldn't think like that about someone.' Why not? She suspected that Ness' family was at least as kind as their child was, but that seemed like too high an expectation and she hated to think so highly of parents when she wasn't sure yet who they were or what they were about.

"You're excited?" Evelyn asked, processing that part late. A small smile crossed her face. "I figured you were just being nice. Thanks for being my friend, Ness."

Evelyn stared at her columned paper notes as Ness spoke, and she considered the Aladren's words carefully before saying anything. "It is hard," she agreed. "And that's stupid. It's not fair."

Her face felt hot and her eyes felt wet and she wanted to shout a lot. "Aren't grownups supposed to be the ones that deal with this stuff? Why do my parents have to make me deal with them instead of them dealing with me?" Then a horrible thought struck her: what if they were the ones dealing with her? What if they felt exactly the same way as she did about her and were dreading hearing from her? Evelyn's tears finally spilled over when this thought struck her and she expressed her fears to Ness as best she could while blubbering and stammering.

"What if I'm the one who's wrong?" she whimpered, breathing hard. Her head felt light and she thought she might actually disappear if her she felt any dizzier. "What if it's all my fault? Parents are supposed to punish their kids for being bad, what if I'm just actually a bad person?"

Evelyn was pretty sure her heart ripped in half and each piece fell to the ground in fractured skins of the last bit of hope she'd had that she wasn't the villain in her own story.

22 Evelyn Stones I don't know what to think. 1422 Evelyn Stones 0 5

Ness

September 12, 2018 12:11 AM

Think good things then by Ness

People with low self-esteem were definitely a thing Ness had encountered before. The kinds of people who ended up running away from home usually had someone to run from, and that could leave its marks. Even if Ness wasn’t exposed to them in their raw and grieving state, they usually crossed paths at other points - at family parties, at fundraisers. Evelyn’s symptoms were a more severe version of something Ness had encountered relatively frequently.

“You’re fun to be around. And I want to share more fun times with you, so yes, I am excited,” Ness replied, backing up her statement with reasoning, as always.

“You’re not wrong or bad,” Ness assured her, “Wrong people are like… hateful, or nasty ones. And that’s not you. As for why… Well, it comes back to what you said before. It isn’t fair. I don’t know why it’s not, but I know it isn’t… I kind of find that better in a way. If there was a big plan and a big reason for everything, then somewhere, somehow there would be a justification for what’s happening to you. And I can’t think of any that would be acceptable. So… I guess there isn’t one. The universe is random and chaotic and bad stuff happens to good people. It isn’t fair but it also isn’t deserved or personal. That seems better than the alternative to me.” There was a beat, whilst this deep statement settled into the air, the atmosphere of which was then promptly shattered by Ness underlining the point with “But still completely s***.”

13 Ness Think good things then 1419 Ness 0 5

Evelyn Stones

September 16, 2018 4:13 PM

I don't know if chaos is a good thing. by Evelyn Stones

Evelyn laughed, surprised, when Ness swore. It was something she hadn't expected from the usually well-mannered Aladren, and she grinned at her friend for a moment. Then her thoughts went back to some of Ness' other comments and she crunched up her eyebrows.

"I don't think so many people could all be wrong," Evelyn said, trying to think back on what she'd read about so many different world religions throughout history. "Think of how many people don't believe magic exists, but here we all are. I don't think the universe is chaotic in the sense that it's random...but there's something to learn from all this. Maybe someday I'll be able to help somebody else I guess."

She considered that this might be her fate and wondered if she'd like to be a healer or run a foundation like the McLeods'. Filing this thought away as something to keep in mind over Christmas, she smiled at Ness and took a breath.

"I'm glad I'm not a deity then," she laughed. "Although then I wouldn't have to write this letter."

She frowned deeper at the papers in front of her and sighed. Usually, she was a big fan of blank papers and partially written documents. They all screamed of potential and creativity, things she highly valued. Now, though, they seemed to be mocking her. It was like they'd given up asking whether her letters were going to be any good, and now turned towards figuring out just how bad they'd be. Even the best letters would still be terrible.

"So... what do I say?"

22 Evelyn Stones I don't know if chaos is a good thing. 1422 Evelyn Stones 0 5