She was never mine to lose [Laila] on Labyrinth Gardens

Sammy Meeks

November 07, 2016 12:46 AM

She was never mine to lose [Laila] by Sammy Meeks

To put it bluntly, things sucked. Jax was involved with Joella, and Sammy couldn’t even let herself properly nurse her broken heart because, for the very first time since the day she set foot on the grounds of Sonora, she didn’t want to talk to Gia about it. Not for any fault of hers, of course. Gia was a perfectly wonderful best friend, but she knew Gia would feel caught in the middle, with Sammy and her brother both heavily attracted to the same girl, and she didn’t want to make her choose or feel the necessity of choosing. Gia knew, of course, because of the note Sammy had sent and then panicked over, asking Gia to go with saying it’d been she who sent Joella the possibly too affectionate note. So when Gia followed her out of the lunch where they’d found out about Jax and Joella, despite the look on her face that indicated the possibility of throwing up, Sammy had tried to reassure Gia that it’d be okay, that she’d get over it soon enough.

But girls like Joella Curtis were not forgotten or given up so easily. She just didn’t want Gia to worry. She still would, dear thing, but any lie that Sammy could tell to hopefully reassure her and lessen that worry, she would do it. There was no reason for her best friend to hurt over something so completely out of her control. It was out of Sammy’s control, too.

It wasn’t her fault, she had to keep telling herself. Nothing she had done had made Joella (seemingly) straight, nor had it made her attractive to Jax. The Pecari could hardly fault him for being attracted to her older Housemate when she, too, found her so desirable. And nothing she had done made Joella feel that way back to Jax, who was also a pretty swell dude. He was handsome and kind, a bit rough around the edges but still truly good beneath.

Part of her screamed that it was her fault for not telling Joella earlier how she felt and at least trying, but it was so scary, especially when it was not only a question of “might they like me?” but also “are they attracted to my sex?” It was definitely her fault for not telling Jax how she felt about Joella, but how could she have known that he felt that way too? Who felt those feelings first? And did it matter? Plus, if she had told him, would that have stopped him from getting involved with her?

Honestly, she thought it would have, because he would have placed a higher value on Sammy’s happiness than his own, but somehow, that didn’t make her feel any better. After all, what would have been the end result? Sure, they wouldn’t have been involved, but then Jax would just be without this happiness, and Sammy wasn’t sure she could have taken that away from him. He was a good friend. A loyal friend. That was why this sucked so much. He had hurt her so easily, and so accidentally.

Sammy was spending more time alone these days, her entire energy a bit different. She could fake a smile well enough in the company of others, but she sought her friends’ company far less plentiful. Her strolls alone in the Gardens became more frequent. The thing was, she didn’t want to be alone, she just didn’t want to be around Jax or Joella. Or sorta Gia, for the other girl’s own protection. Laila was okay, being less directly in the middle, but it was hard sometimes to meet her without the others.

That said, as the Pecari strolled through the Gardens, it occurred to her to look around for Laila. She knew her younger friend was a frequent help to Mr. Professor Xavier, so maybe she would be about the Gardens today. In the first thing to go right since forever and what Sammy could only assume was a divine intervention, she happened to find Laila just moments after having this revelation.

Sammy made a beeline to the Crotalus, with urgency in her steps and that same maybe-gonna-throw-up-from-emotions look on her face that Gia had seen the other day. “Hey,” said Sammy with a tone conveying all the same things. “Are you super busy? I really need to talk to somebody about…” She looked down at her fidgeting hands. “About the whole Jax and Joella thing. It’s kinda wrecking me.”

12 Sammy Meeks She was never mine to lose [Laila] 310 Sammy Meeks 1 5

Laila Kennedy

November 08, 2016 2:50 AM

Tell me more, tell me more. by Laila Kennedy

It had been a few days since the revelation that Jax and Joella were dating. And then the revelation a few seconds later that they weren’t actually dating but rather just…hooking up? Was that a polite term for it? Laila didn’t know, she had only gone out with one boy two times, and it had been Scottie Tucker so the extent of her relationship knowledge was really limited to trashy teen romance novels like her most recent obsession, Blood Moon Rising. And even there the characters were all trying to get in relationships with each other. In fact, the main reason Laila liked the novels was because of how the main character, Clementine Hart, really stuck to her beliefs and didn’t let any of the supernatural creatures take advantage of her.

With time the initial hurt had faded although it still stung when she spent a lot of time thinking about it, and so Laila had really thrown herself into her school work and planning for the Halloween party. With all her commitments—Spirit Club, Baking Club, Library Assistant, Book Club, and Intermediate level classes, she hadn’t had a lot of free time to hang out in the gardens with Professor Xavier as of late, but it came one morning when she realized that most of her work was done. There was not much left for her to do for the Halloween party—the club had already decided on decorations and when to meet, she and Tess had agreed that Tess would be the main person in charge of Baking Club’s roll in the Fundraising Committee’s Halloween bake sale, by some miracle she had finished all her weekend homework the night before and she wasn’t due to be helping in the library until the next day.

Now that she had a day of free time, she thought she might pay a visit to Professor Xavier and see if he didn’t want her help. She felt really bad about abandoning him even though she knew that he liked to be left alone, but he had always been so nice to her and helping in the gardens was so relaxing. It was as she was walking in the gardens, noticing new flowers and spots where certain plants had one been but been removed for whatever reason, that Laila realized she had been so focused on forgetting about Joella and Jax that she hadn’t been to the Gardens in ages. She was letting herself get lost in the labyrinth, just content to being back in what was probably her favorite part of the school when she ran into Sammy.

It had been awhile since Laila had properly talked to Sammy—around the same time Sammy had abruptly left dinner announcing that she’d left the oven on, actually, and Laila wondered if that revelation’d had anything to do with the absence of cheerful Sammy Meeks. And that was when Sammy started to talk and Laila’s suspicions were confirmed. She felt her heart sinking. She had resolved after going back to her room later that night after the Dinner Fiasco that no one would ever find out about her embarrassing crush on Jax, and even Sammy saying she wanted to talk about that night didn’t make Laila want to open up at all. In fact, it made Laila feel as though she needed to be even more tight-lipped than ever. Did Sammy like Jax too?

Even though she really didn’t want to talk to Sammy about this, she pushed back those feelings for what was best for her friend and bit her lip, nodding. “Sure thing,” she said with a tight smile. “Let’s look for somewhere to sit down, yeah?”

10 Laila Kennedy Tell me more, tell me more. 318 Laila Kennedy 0 5

Sammy

November 08, 2016 3:35 AM

A flair for the dramatics by Sammy

The hard part wasn’t coming out. Sammy didn’t believe in that garbage. There was no big announcement to be had, no big deal to be made, no rainbow banner (or, in Sammy’s case, a pink, purple, and blue banner) to be waved in the background. Straight people didn’t have to make a show of it; a girl just went, Hey, I like this boy. Sammy thought everybody deserved that casualness.

The hard part was saying, out loud, that she, Sammy Meeks, had the kind of romantic feelings for somebody that had the magnitude and fire to basically ruin her life. It had been hard enough telling Gia about the crush last year, and that was a necessary panic. Since then, the feelings had grown way more than Sammy had thought was even possible, and now she had to tell Laila since she couldn’t talk to Gia about it right now. Not that she had any problems with Laila--she did not expect a bad reaction to the… well, gayness of the situation; she was pretty sure the Crotalus’s religion wouldn’t get in the way, especially since Sammy had gone to church with her before--but Gia was easily the closest friend Sammy had ever had in her whole entire life. Now she had to confide something pretty big in someone else, and it felt weird.

“Okay,” she replied to Laila’s suggestion of a seat. “I think I see a bench right over there.” The Pecari led the charge over to the bench, but almost immediately after sitting, she was back on her feet, a slight nervous pacing rocking her back and forth. “Okay, so,” she began, her voice a little too loud. She kept her eyes down, as if she were yelling at the grass as she walked over it. “I’m really sorry for ruining lunch the other day, but I had a really bad reaction to Jax and Joella, and I couldn’t pretend to be happy for them when it felt like somebody was stabbing me inside. And that’s what it felt like, honestly. It felt like being stabbed dude, because… because….”

Sammy stopped dead, her eyes leaping from the grass and up to Laila. “I think I’m in love with Joella,” she exclaimed melodramatically. There was a tense second where she just stared at her friend, but then she went back to pacing and shouting at the ground. “I’ve had this huge crush on her since, like, forever now, so the fact that Jax is doing stuff with her really hurts. But I can’t be mad at him because it’s not like he knew, but he’s my friend and it just sucks! I want him to be happy, but why does he have to be happy with her?!”

She took a deep breath to calm down; if she let herself get any more fired up, she would burst out sobbing. And Sammy was NOT a crier, so that was Not Allowed to happen. The brunette sat sadly on the bench. “What sucks the worst is that Gia knows. She’s known for a while. So now she’s stuck in the middle, because she knows I’m gonna be upset.” Sammy looked at Laila, her eyes tainted by a few stubborn tears. She cursed them mentally but had no way to un-cry them now. “I hate that I hurt and it makes Gia hurt, and everything sucks. I told her I was gonna be okay, and I'd get over it, but I think I maybe lied.”

12 Sammy A flair for the dramatics 310 Sammy 0 5

Laila

November 14, 2016 6:10 PM

Well then, let us heal together. by Laila

Heart beating fast, Laila took a seat next to her older friend and prepared herself to console the Pecari beater and do her best to act as though the thought of liking Jax Donovan had never crossed her mind once. She listened as Sammy described the same feelings that she herself had been doing her best to hide at that fateful dinner, and she listened as Sammy continued down her melodramatic way, proclaiming her love for Joella and Laila felt her heart clench because she had just known that was what Sammy was going to say…

Her eyes, in her lap before, whisked quickly up to meet Sammy’s own frantic ones as she realized exactly what the implications of what her older friend had said. She was in love with Joella? But that meant…that meant she didn’t love Jax! At least, not like that. She nodded along, still in shock that Sammy didn’t love Jax and let Sammy finish talking. She didn’t say anything for a long moment. Everything that Sammy had said about Joella was how Laila felt about Jax. She hadn’t fancied herself to be actually in love with the Aladren, but she had felt rather strongly about him. Sure Laila was the type of girl to have many crushes, and it was true that she flit about from one boy to another, but there were still constants in her life. Jax, in his kind, patient manner was one of these constants, and having it sprung on her so suddenly (there had been no sign of Jax liking anyone else, especially not as he’d gone to the ball with her the previous year) had caused her to realize just how much Laila actually liked the older boy.

“Well,” Laila said slowly, trying to remember what her mother had told some of her older cousins who had come home from the high school with broken hearts. “You’re still young, you’ll have another chance at love, I think.” These were the words that Laila had been desperate to hear, words that she had told herself over and over again in the past few days but that she hadn’t quite been able to convince herself of just yet. Somehow, telling them to Sammy had a different effect and she began to feel as though she herself might be okay, in the end. “It’s okay to be sad about these things, you know. And I’ll be here for you when you want to talk about it…”

She slipped her arm through Sammy’s to hold her hand and trailed off, squeezing it hoping Sammy wouldn’t mind how cold they were. Laila really wasn’t sure what else to say. She wasn’t exactly very experienced in romantic relationships, having only had Scottie Tucker as a boyfriend before, and since she, too was in need of comfort there really wasn’t much she could do other than to sit next to Sammy in commiserable silence. Laila let out a sigh and placed her head on Sammy’s shoulder. “And Gia…” she continued in a rather soft, yet earnest voice. “I know you’re worried she can’t help you, but she does love you, you should…you should let her know sooner or later. Lying is a sin, after all.”

10 Laila Well then, let us heal together. 318 Laila 0 5

Sammy

November 15, 2016 3:56 AM

In the eye of the hurricane, there is quiet. by Sammy

This was it. The eye of the hurricane. Sammy had raged and ached and was likely to do so again, but now it was Laila’s turn to say something. It was likely going to be something calming, an “I’m sorry you’re hurting, but try to move forward.” Something gentle and nice, just like Laila. The calm of the storm that was Sammy’s life.

The Crotalus’s reassurance that Sammy would have another chance at love didn’t actually make her feel better--she didn’t want another chance, she wanted this chance, but it was all ruined because, for once, she hadn’t spoken up--but having Laila here and trying, in sort of an odd way, did the job well enough in and of itself. She was clearly out of her element, not having, as far as Sammy knew, very much experience with dating and junk, but she was trying. It meant a lot.

She felt a cold hand slide into hers and a head rest on her shoulder. Sammy echoed the audible sigh that accompanied them, squeezing the hand and leaning her head on top of Laila’s. Evidently, the second wave of the storm she had expected had dissipated; she felt too sad to really be angry anymore. “I just don’t want anybody to hurt more,” said Sammy weakly. She knew that lying was bad, but she just wanted Gia not to worry. She just felt stupid and heartbroken and sad, and she didn’t want any of that to transfer over to Gia, as well as the inevitable conflict of knowing how not okay Sammy was with Jax and Joella. “I’ll be honest later, when I’m actually over it. I’ll get over it… right?”

Sammy lifted her head so she could look imploringly at her friend. It was only now that she realized there were tears on her face. Freaking great. Some had probably fallen on top of Laila’s head, which was the last thing she wanted. She swiped viciously at the wet spots on her face, like maybe if she got rid of the lingering evidence fast enough, she could pretend it never happened. It seemed the storm would not pass through so tamely, demanding a little rain along the way. “This sucks,” she reiterated.

12 Sammy In the eye of the hurricane, there is quiet. 310 Sammy 0 5

Laila

November 26, 2016 7:46 PM

The calm after the storm? by Laila

Mamma had always said that listening without giving advice was sometimes what other people needed, and since Laila didn’t really feel like there was much advice she could give, she opted to just stay quiet and squeeze Sammy’s hand back. Breathing and letting Sammy let it out. She nodded when Sammy asked her if shed get over it, but only because she knew that was the expected answer. Right now she didn’t feel much hope, she was in the process of letting go herself—she hadn’t realized just how much she’d actually believed Jax liked her until his relationship with Joella had been announced. It made her sad to think that two such wonderful people could just use each other like that. She supposed that was the part that hurt most of all.

When Sammy’s head lifted so she could talk again, Laila noticed the older girl had been crying. Laila had thought she’d felt wetness on her head, but she hadn’t been sure—maybe it was just sweat. She had a lot of hair and two bodies next to each other made sweat sometimes. Gross, that wasn’t a very ladylike thought… She resisted the urge to wipe Sammy’s tears away only because it was such a familiar gesture—that of a mother or a boyfriend and since Laila was neither of those things, she’d have to keep her hands to herself. “It does suck,” she said quietly, thinking about the hurdles she would have to jump over herself, wishing she had as much courage as Sammy to admit her own crush. But, she didn’t—she was afraid of change and she was afraid of breaking the rules, and that was why she was in Crotalus and not Pecari.

“But you’ll be okay, we’ll all be okay, and pretty soon we’ll all sit together and it’ll be just like before the evil Crush Monster decided to ravage the group,” she hoped her feeble attempt at a Sammy-style-ism would bring a smile to the teary fifth year’s face. Sammy was such a happy person and Laila didn’t like seeing her sad.

10 Laila The calm after the storm? 318 Laila 0 5