Seeking Brianna on Labyrinth Gardens

Michael Grosvenor

October 30, 2012 6:44 PM

Seeking Brianna by Michael Grosvenor

It wasn't unusual for Michael to be found out in the gardens. They were calm and quiet, which he appreciated. Plus he generally wasn't very good at getting his thoughts in order. A walk didn't always help but it often did, or at least just got some of the tension out of his system. However, today he was out with a somewhat more specific purpose. He wanted to see Brianna and talk to her. He was hoping to just run into her but, if it didn't happen, he might resort to sending her a note. He wanted a chance for a proper chat, without worrying about not being able to follow it properly, or worrying about other people listening in. That meant not class and not mealtimes, not that he ever really attended the latter anyway.

He hadn't seen much of Brianna after the party last year but he would not have known what to say anyway. He didn't really understand what he felt about her being there with Josh and would not have known how to articulate it if he did. Over midterm, Natalie had helped him to sort it out. They had figured out what exactly he was thinking and how he could put it to Brianna. He had been practising it a lot in his head ever since and was still not sure he could say it right. Saying things right was not his forte. He felt that he owed to his friend to try though. He wasn't against Josh, not entirely but nor did he entirely trust him. He worried for Brianna and he needed to look out for her. That was what friends did.

He stuck to the same area of the paths, the bit near the school which experienced the highest traffic. The most sensible thing to do would have been to take a seat with a good view and just wait but he felt too wound up, as he always did when his head was full, to do so. So he walked, never taking himself far from the doors, and able to glance over his shoulder to keep them in view. He still felt tense, like he was on a leash that only allowed him so much distance, when really he wanted to roam off into the distance. Or talk to get things off his chest.

13 Michael Grosvenor Seeking Brianna 199 Michael Grosvenor 1 5

Brianna Japos

October 30, 2012 11:11 PM

Has been found. by Brianna Japos

It was a strange start to this side of term for Brianna. She didn’t really know what to make of it. She had the bonfire on her mind lately because it meant that she would have to either find people to share a tent with (Brianna seemed to find it easier to chat with the boys in her class than the girls as boys were less likely to make her feel disgusting) or she would have to deal with the humiliation of waiting for a professor to find her a tent that is available. She did not want to have to go through that at all. People would definitely make fun of her then.

Her holiday had been nice, but extremely cramped. She had missed being able to walk around Central Park and feel the wind. In the park, she was invisible but still a part of the world around her. She felt normal and accepted when she was in the park. It was so spacious and full of so many amazing people. She loved to sit there for hours and watch the people pass her by. She often thought up elaborate stories about these people to amuse her. Brianna had an obsession about other lives. She always thought they were so much better than her own. This was a silly thought, she was sure. She had seen the homeless people, she knew of those who were ill and not likely to get better, she knew that there were many people in the world who did not have parents or family. Brianna was aware that there were less fortunate than her, but she also knew that there were others who lived far greater lives than she will ever be able to do. Dreaming of these lives was her way of escaping just as much just visiting the park was.

Now back at Sonora and full of woes of the upcoming bonfire at the end of the year, Brianna escaped into the gardens. It certainly wasn’t the park, but it was still freedom from the stuffy walls and confined spaces that the school provided. She just loved being outside. She spent so much of her life cooped up in that small apartment that she tried her hardest to spend as much time outside of it as she could when she was at Sonora.

Brianna had been walking around the paths of the Labyrinth for a while now, just enjoying the whole scene and the nature of it. The last time she had been here had been when Josh had walked around with her. It had been awkward, but nice. She had been open with someone for the first time ever in her life. She didn’t think Josh appreciated it all that much, but he had been nice enough to listen when she needed it.

Walking back to the school, Brianna paused when she saw Michael pacing near the end of the path. She hesitated for a moment, wondering if she should take a different path back to the school. He might have been waiting for Eris and wanted alone time with her or something and Brianna definitely did not want to be a witness to that again. She had purposely made sure she hadn’t been around him just before midterm. For some reason, it still hurt her to know that he was like everyone else. “Er, Michael?” Brianna started, hoping that he’ll just let her pass and be too busy for her. “I don’t want to intrude, I just didn’t want to pass without saying hello.”

6 Brianna Japos Has been found. 203 Brianna Japos 0 5

Michael Grosvenor

November 01, 2012 7:13 PM

Finders keepers! by Michael Grosvenor

Michael had thought he had the area staked out pretty well but he hadn't considered the possibility that Brianna was already at large in the gardens. He was thus rather surprised when she approached from within the labryinth.

“Hey? Intruding?” he asked, a look of genuine puzzlement crossing his face. He would always be pleased to see Brianna and he couldn't think of anything secretive he might be doing. Apart from meeting Laurie. But she couldn't know about that, could she? He suddenly panicked before sense prevailed. Brianna wouldn't betray him, even if she did know. Although if she didn't realise it was supposed to be a secret.... “What did you think you could be intruding on?” he asked, trying to gauge her reaction. Maybe she was just being cautious. She might not have really thought that he was up to anything.

“I was actually hoping to find you,” he explained, “Shall we...?” he nodded back into the paths. The front of the school was a little public for a serious conversation. He had a disclaimer to give anyway, and began to address this as they wandered down the path, “I... There was something – there is something that I want to talk to you about. But I'm not good with words, like you are,” he smiled at her, looking a little abashed. He admired Brianna's ability to say the right thing. It was such an amazing skill to have, “So... I don't want to upset you and I don't want to make you angry with me. So, if I do, I didn't mean it - I just said it wrong because I always put my foot in it, at least once every conversation. So... so tell me? Don't be mad me at me and storm off and don't be upset? Cos I'd never want to hurt your feelings or fall out with you. I just... can't do this kind of thing well. Ok?” he asked.

13 Michael Grosvenor Finders keepers! 199 Michael Grosvenor 0 5

Brianna

November 04, 2012 10:24 PM

Losers Weepers? by Brianna

Brianna thought it his reaction to her comment was rather strange. He had to have been doing something in the gardens. He was pacing pretty intently, so she had just assumed it was either trying to figure something in his head or waiting for someone. Her mind had gone immediately to Eris. The girl was new to Sonora, but she and Michael seemed rather inseparable. It was only natural for Brianna to think of that girl first above anyone else. “I… I just assumed since you were out here that you were expecting someone. Maybe your girlfriend for some time alone or something.” Brianna commented, feeling her face heat a little having said the word ‘girlfriend’, but feeling like it was the truth no matter which way one spun it.

Of course, she felt stupid for having said that when he admitted to wanting to find her. Michael had never really sought her out outside of class before. Except for maybe the party, but Brianna was in the belief that he had only done that because he wanted to show off Eris being his date and rub it in her face.

At his invitation, Brianna hesitated again. She didn’t know what he wanted. Maybe to make her feel even smaller than she was already feeling. Maybe to try to get more advice out of her on how to make his relationship with Eris work. She didn’t know. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to know. But she couldn’t exactly say no without it seeming too harsh. He had been waiting for her, after all.

She walked back into the paths with Michael, listening to him try to explain to her that he had something to say but that he didn’t want to upset her. She had no idea what he was talking about and now she most certainly regretted agreeing to talk with him. What was he going to tell her? That he no longer wanted to be around her anymore? Or that Eris didn’t like her to be around? It was clear that he didn’t want to be seen with her already since he was walking her deeper into the gardens and out of sight for anyone.

“I can’t make any promises, Michael.” Brianna said with honesty. If he was going to say something that upset, she wouldn’t want to be around him so that he could see her cry. Crying in front of people was much much worse than anything else. Her heart was already sinking just from this warning that he was giving her. This was not going to be a very fun conversation. “What did you need to talk to me about?” She asked him, making sure she was looking at him and speaking clearly. “I’d rather you just tell me.”

0 Brianna Losers Weepers? 0 Brianna 0 5

Michael Grosvenor

November 06, 2012 5:41 PM

Hence not wanting to lose you by Michael Grosvenor

“Did you say girlfriend?” Michael clarified. His initial assumption was to assume that he had misheard Brianna but he couldn't really figure what else she would have said, plus there weren't really any distractions out here. “What...? Who..?” he asked, a little mystified by what she was getting at. “I was waiting for you,” he reiterated, as she seemed to be.... well, really far from the mark. He wondered whether she thought Eris was his girlfriend, given that they had gone to the party together. But going to a party together didn't automatically mean you were boyfriend and girlfriend. Girls were much more complicated that. And, seeing as she was one, he felt that Brianna should know that. If she thought people who went to the party together were couples, maybe it was because she and Josh were actually one. That had to be it. The twisty knot of anxiety in his stomach tightened.

It seemed that he would not be getting any respite from it any time soon, as Brianna said that she could not promise not to be mad at him. He thought this was unfair. He had tried to make it clear that nothing he said was supposed to upset her. He wasn't wanting to say anything mean or hurtful and he never would – and that was something which he thought she knew about him. Obviously if he said something like 'I think Josh is a monster and is going to eat your flesh' it would be a mistake. A very rude and upsetting sort of mistake but he felt like Brianna should know him well enough to know that he hadn't meant to say it like that – that's he'd just managed to make all the wrong words come out. He thought about trying to explain to her again but obviously he wasn't good enough at explaining why she should give him a second chance to get her to give him one... It was like a curse or something. That was the one sure footing he had felt he had going into this. He wasn't sure how Brianna was going to react to what he was going to say but he thought that his friend would agree that she was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt if he put his foot in it.

“Ok....” he said nervously, wishing bottling it was an option. But he felt he had to. “I.... I worry about you being... around Josh,” he decided to avoid the word 'with.' That was a whole can of worms that he did not want to open. “I know it's not ok to listen to nasty things other people say cos they aren't always right. But... well, with him I think they are. A bit. I mean, he can be nice but he can be... not nice too. And I worry about you being around people who aren't nice to you because you're lovely and you don't deserve anyone to be mean to you ever, ever again,” he said emphatically. He wasn't one hundred percent sure what Brianna had been through but he knew she had been picked on at home. She had never told him why but he had never been able to see a reason why anybody wouldn't like her. But, apparently some people had and when that was combined with the fact that Josh didn't seem to be the most rational human being it made a worrying picture. “I don't want someone to be pushing you around.”

13 Michael Grosvenor Hence not wanting to lose you 199 Michael Grosvenor 0 5

Brianna

November 06, 2012 10:50 PM

I didn't know you wanted me. by Brianna

Well now Brianna really didn’t understand Michael’s angle about everything. He was now denying the fact that he had a girlfriend? It was obvious to everyone that they were together. Ever since Eris entered the school, Michael had seemed intent on helping her out. And, to prove the point to everyone, they had shown up arm in arm at the party. He had even suggested that he could be an awful date to Eris because of his hearing impairment.

“Yes, girlfriend.” Brianna commented, feeling a little frustrated with him. She didn’t need to feel like an idiot on top of everything else she was already feeling. “Eris. You were glued to her hip the entire party, or, at least, for the entire time you were in front of me and even told me that you were on a date with her.” She realized after she said it that she sounded a little cold, but she couldn’t help it. She had really been hurt that night to the point where she bailed on the party. It had been the one thing in a long time that she had been so excited for too.

She wasn’t blaming him completely for her skipping out of it so early. She mainly blamed herself. But she was certain that if she had not seen him at all during the party and that Josh and her could have remained secluded, she would have had a nice time. Awkward probably, since neither she nor Josh were the best conversationalists, but better than having a near breakdown in front of everyone because Michael wanted to show Eris off.

Brianna pulled her purple cardigan closer to her and folded her arms across her chest as a subconscious way to protect herself from whatever it was that Michael was about to tell her. His nervousness was making her even more anxious and worried. He may not have been ready to admit to being with Eris, although Brianna did not understand why, but he certainly wanted to admit something to her.

And then he finally said it and once again, Brianna felt as though Michael had punched her in the stomach. These feelings that he kept throwing her into were exhausting. She was half tempted to just stop talking to people altogether and save herself from these awful feelings. “What?” She said, her voice small and strained. Michael was against Josh? Why? They seemed fine at the party together. Of course, when he began to explain himself, Brianna couldn’t believe what she was hearing. He didn’t like him because of the rumors he had heard? For someone who worried about people disliking him for being different, he was quick to judge someone he didn’t know.

Brianna stopped walking; she no longer wanted to be this far from the school or remain alone with Michael. She had been so wrong about him. Since the day he had confided in her about his impairment, Brianna thought he would get it. That he would understand people like her, including Josh. But he was just like everyone else. He may have thought he was being nice, but his words hurt her just as much as a fist would. How could he say such awful things about Josh?

With her head down and eyes on the ground, Brianna addressed him, trying to not get too upset and forcing herself to not flee. “Josh may have a bad side, but I have never seen it. He is kind to me.” Brianna said, “He lets me sit with him at meal times so that I don’t have to sit alone. He took me to the party even though he didn’t want to go but because I begged him so I wouldn’t have to go alone and have to see people like you with dates on their arms much prettier than me.” Her chin was trembling and she knew that no matter how hard she tried, there were bound to be tears. She was emotional.

“He doesn’t care that I’m ugly or poor, and he doesn’t mind being seen with me, even if it is only out of pity. He doesn’t need to find me in the gardens for a chat just so that people don’t see us together.” Brianna exclaimed. Why, why couldn’t he have just left her alone? “He wasn’t the one who hurt me, Michael. He’s my friend.”

Brianna, still cocooned in herself, wiped at her face to make sure there were no tears. She wanted to go back to her dorm and just let it all out. Not that it would change anything. “You want to dislike him for things you don’t know, fine, but I won’t stop being his friend.” She didn’t understand why Michael wanted her to be alone. Maybe he thought no one could possibly want to be around her and so he was protecting Josh; Brianna wasn’t sure.

“Excuse me.” Brianna said, turning to head back. She had said way too much.

0 Brianna I didn't know you wanted me. 0 Brianna 0 5

Michael Grosvenor

November 07, 2012 6:38 AM

Well, I do. by Michael Grosvenor

Brianna was using a tone of voice with him that Michael had never heard out of her before. He was surprised to realise that it was an unkind one. Brianna was obviously mad at him – which boded well, given that they hadn't even started talking about the serious things yet.

“Eris isn't my girlfriend. And I don't think it was a date, so I doubt I said that. But I'm sorry if I did or said something to mislead you” he replied. He couldn't remember every detail of every word that he had spoken but he and Eris had decided not to decide whether or not it was a date, so he couldn't imagine that he'd told Brianna that it was. He didn't get why she was so angry with him even if it was. She had had Josh on a date. Was she allowed to bring a date and he wasn't, or something? But either way, he wanted to keep things friendly and he didn't want Brianna to think he had lied to her or said something.... wrong. He usually managed to mess things up when talking and he'd obviously said something at the party that she had taken then wrong way. Even if he didn't really understand the intricacies of what it was or why she was annoyed about it, he was sorry that she was. “And we weren't glued together – we were trying to spend time with you guys - I thought it might be nice for Eris to meet some other people, friendly people like you, seeing as she's new here – but then you left,” he reminded her, confusion more than anything else dominating his voice. He and Brianna had been at the same party, he was fairly sure, but she somehow seemed to have an entirely different view of the night. Did Brianna not remember promising to catch up with them and then running off without another word?

Even though he had entertained the possibility that she would be mad at him over what he had said, he hadn't predicted half the things that came out of her mouth. She was poor? He hadn't known but who cared? She thought she was ugly? How?! And he thought he'd dragged her out here because he didn't want to be seen with her, rather than to give them some privacy.

“I don't... What are...” he stumbled around, trying to counter all the plain wrong things she had just said but there were too many. So many that he didn't know where to start. She was also crying, which was utterly terrifying. The possibility of her being mad had occurred in his head. The possibility of her being upset and crying had also occurred. The thought of both of them at once had not. He wanted to reach out and pat her shoulder or something but he was a little scared of this new Brianna, who seemed snappy and angry. He wasn't sure that she would let him touch her. Her was stirred into action by her sudden attempted departure.

“Wait!” he called, “Please, PLEASE wait,” he added, the genuine desperation clear in his voice. “You've got it all wrong. I... I'm sorry and I didn't mean any of it the way you're taking it,” he added, as he rushed after her, “Please let me try to explain?”

13 Michael Grosvenor Well, I do. 199 Michael Grosvenor 0 5

Brianna

November 09, 2012 10:36 PM

Probably just a fluke. by Brianna

Brianna said nothing to counter him. He could say whatever he wanted and lie to her about his relationship with Eris. Nothing good would come from it for her either way. He may not have said the word ‘date’ that night, but they were arm in arm and he was concerned about not being good company. If they had just gone as friends, they wouldn’t have been linked so tightly nor would he have to worry about such things. If it had been Brianna, she would have found ways where they both could have enjoyed themselves without worry. Maybe he felt like she was stupid and could tell her whatever he felt like it to try to put on over. She wasn’t stupid though. Not always. Brianna watched people, she saw when they looked at each other. She never saw him outside of class with anyone or make any appearance of wanting to be around anyone else. And, she had seen him staring her down at the returning feast. Brianna wasn’t stupid and she certainly wasn’t blind.

She felt like he was throwing her absence in her face, but if he had really been that concerned about it, he wouldn’t have waited until now to find out what had happened. He probably hadn’t even noticed until this very moment when she mentioned his relationship with Eris. It probably dawned on him then that Brianna never returned to his presence that night. “I had a panic attack, so Josh took me back to the school.” She said, in a matter of fact tone. “It was a stupid thought that I would have fun there anyway. I’m sure it didn’t ruin your night, though.” Neither was a lie, mostly. She had started to panic and feel guilty and just hate herself the moment Michael had come up to them. She had needed to escape and Josh was just nice enough to oblige. Only, they hadn’t gone straight back to the school. Instead, they walked around the gardens for awhile.

Brianna was tired. What had started out as a pleasant troll turned into nothing more than a mess. This was how things usually seemed to transpire for Brianna. She just could never get anything right. It was really no surprise to her that no one wanted to be her friend. People just dealt with her because they had to. She should just do everyone a favor and stop trying.

She only stopped walking because of the strain she heard in his voice. She couldn’t fathom what he still wanted to say to her. He had made his point clear; she only deserved to be alone. She didn’t look at him or say a word, she just waited. The sooner they got this over with, the sooner Brianna could crawl into a hole.

0 Brianna Probably just a fluke. 0 Brianna 0 5

Michael Grosvenor

November 13, 2012 3:41 PM

Stay and find out. by Michael Grosvenor

Michael was glad when Brianna let the subject of Eris drop. Not that he was still entirely sure what Brianna had been talking about or why it had been such a problem but if she was letting it go, he must have managed to set her straight and convince her that there was nothing to worry about.

The revelation that she had had a panic attack came as a bit of a surprise. He hadn't known she had them. He wasn't actually even entirely sure what one was. Except... well, the name sounded kind of self-explanatory... it was an attack, like an asthma attack but of panicking. Except he didn't know what that would entail. It sounded like it had spoilt her night though and that made him sad. He wasn't really sure what one was meant to say about panic attacks though, and he was doing so badly with the rest of the conversation that he thought he might be better leaving it.

He breathed a sigh of relief when she stopped. She didn't turn back to him. She simply... wasn't leaving any more. He sort of wanted to go and face her but the air around them seemed like it might be about to shatter into a million fragments if he said or did the wrong thing. Moving seemed like it might break a million invisible threads that were running all around them and that were all that was keeping Brianna there. Then again, he had to speak, and the wrong words could do just as much damage.

“Ok... I'm just going to try to go through the things you said. In order. And say what I think...” he stated as calmly as he could. It had been quite the tirade. Each one required the right response and he was terrified that, besides not getting them all right, he might forget one and then she would be angry with him for not remembering what she had said when it was clearly important. It wasn't that he had forgotten because he didn't think it was important – he did – but it had been a lot of unexpected information very fast and then the only thing he'd been able to think about was her leaving, which had filled up with panic and not left much room.

“I didn't know that you're poor but it doesn't matter to me. I mean, it matters to me that it upsets you that you are but you said only Josh doesn't judge you for it. But I don't. You were the first person who I told the truth about myself to and didn't feel judged by. So you could tell me....” he wracked his brains for a suitably extreme example but he wasn't sure that he was good at coming up with things like that. “Anything. You could tell me anything and I would never turn my back on you, cos you didn't on me. And I don't think you're ugly. I think you're pretty, and I've meant every compliment I've ever given you. And if that's not many, well – it should have been, so I'm sorry. I really think a lot of you.

“And I'm not ever really in at mealtimes but I'd sit with you if I was,” he usually mentioned to people that he didn't take meals in the hall. “I don't really ask people to come out here with me as I figure most people don't want to have to live off picnics. I'd feel like I was... inconveniencing people. But if you want me to come in sometimes to sit with you, I would. Even though I wouldn't really be able to talk much but if you'd like my company anyway...” he trailed off, being hit with self-doubt. Would anyone really want mute company? His recent experience at the feast suggested not. It wasn't even worth being polite to him when he explained the situation...

“And I didn't bring you out here because I'm ashamed to be seen with you. I.. I wanted to talk to you privately. I thought this was a private sort of conversation, so I didn't want everyone to be constantly going past us. Cos... it was private,” he stated again, feeling useless. He couldn't really explain it better than that and just hoped Brianna could see the difference.

“And I didn't mean to be rude about Josh. I'm glad he's never been mean to you. That's all I really wanted to know. To check that. Cos I didn't want to think someone might be mean to you without me doing anything about it. I just wanted to make sure you were ok cos otherwise it would make me a really bad friend. But instead I obviously just said everything really wrong, and I made you cry, which makes me an even worse friend. But... But I just wanted everything to be ok for you,” he finished lamely. “Sorry.”

13 Michael Grosvenor Stay and find out. 199 Michael Grosvenor 0 5

Brianna

November 18, 2012 9:52 PM

I don't think it'll change by Brianna

He had said nothing about her panicking and fleeing the party that night after she told him. Nothing. Not even an ‘oh, I’m sorry!’ or an ‘Geez, that’s too bad’ comment. Nothing at all. This made her believe that her suspicions were even more correct. He hadn’t noticed she had gone, hadn’t cared, and it hadn’t ruined his night. But why would it have? He had been with the pretty new girl who he couldn’t let go of the entire time they were talking and Brianna was the stupid ugly little elf who was no fun at all. If she had stayed, she probably would have just ended up actually ruining everyone’s night instead of just Josh’s. Without her there, Michael enjoyed his date with his girlfriend free of having to try to keep up with everyone else. And even though she knew all this already, she couldn’t help but feel hurt that he didn’t care enough to feign concern.

She stood there, waiting, with her back to him when he called out to her. She refused to look at him because she didn’t want him to see her cry. Well, cry any more than he already had seen. She just wanted to be left alone. It was better for everyone if she were just left alone. Then she wouldn’t go around ruining everyone else’s lives. Maybe she should have just stayed in NYC and have her mother train her. She would have been stuck in that small apartment all year around, but it would have been better than knowing that she was a disappointment to everyone.

Brianna listened to Michael as he tried to work out how to respond to the things that she had said. She knew that everything she had spoken had been during an emotional rant. She was upset at him for trying to get her to stay away from Josh by speaking poorly of him. Josh had done nothing in her mind that would deserve such things. She wasn’t stupid. She had heard of the McLachlan family name just as everyone had with Pureblood heritage. But just because he shared a name did not mean he was a terrible person. He was a loner and she was lonely. Their - whatever relationship one would call it - worked out best. He looked a bit friendlier with her around and she didn’t feel completely alone.

Listening to him, Brianna’s mind was being torn to pieces. There was a part of her that warmed to his words and hoped that they were honest and true. But there was the larger, more cynical, part of her that wanted to shout that he was lying. He was not born from magic like she was. Everything mattered. Everything. Your last name, how much money you had, the type of clothes you wore, your blood status, who you hung around. Those things mattered. Brianna was at the bottom of the pyramid and everyone knew it.

Brianna wiped away some more at her face. He says that he would listen if she told him things and that he liked her, but there was no evidence of that in her mind. He was simply nice to her when he needed to be. He said that he would sit with her at mealtimes, but she knew that if he was in the hall, he’d want to sit with his friends or his girlfriend and forget about sitting with her because she was awful company. She was sure Mellie could attest to that now.

She didn’t know what to say, so she said nothing for a moment. She just took a couple of deep breaths and tried to work out what she was feeling. Everything was jumbled. She didn’t really know if Michael was a friend or not. He kept saying that he was, but she didn’t really feel it. “You… you don’t know me at all.” She finally said. Her voice was flat and without emotion. It was just the truth. He knew nothing about her. He had never really asked. “I thought you were different. I thought you would get it. But then you went to the party with her and I realized you were like everyone else. And you rubbed it in my face like you were proud of having her on your arm.” The tears had stopped, she was just numb now.

She turned to look at him then, “You have no idea how much that hurt.” There, she said it. “I didn’t know we were friends.” She commented, speaking the truth. “It’s not like we talk outside of class or anything.” She thought that was something friends would do. She didn’t do that with anyone.

0 Brianna I don't think it'll change 0 Brianna 0 5

Michael Grosvenor

November 24, 2012 1:36 PM

Stranger things have happened by Michael Grosvenor

Brianna hadn't run off. She wasn't exploding with anger. And she had even turned to look at him again. These were all positive signs. What she had to say in response to him wasn't exactly great, and was blooming well confusing as far as a teenage boy inept at dealing with emotion went. On the general scale of positive situations, it wasn't very high but counting from where they had been a few minutes previously it was pretty good. She was still there and she seemed willing to talk things through. He dared to take a few steps closer to her.

“I... You might be right. A lot of what you're saying, I don't quite get. Maybe that means that I don't know you. If that is the case though, I hope I can change that. As for the party... I'm confused. When I started here, I never imagined anyone would be my friend, let alone go to a party with me. I was pleased to be there with Eris. But... but it wasn't supposed to be in anyone's face. And I would say it wasn't so much that I was parading her as clinging on for dear life - I knew it was going to be loud and probably do my head in. I don't really know why me going with someone means that I'd be doing it to be mean to you or to rub it in your face, especially when you were with someone too. And it certainly wasn't my intention to do that. I just wanted to go to the party with someone I knew, see other people I knew and try to make the most of something vaguely normal being allowed to happen to me for once, seeing as it never used to” he had thought Brianna and him were on a wavelength as far as things like that were concerned – that maybe she would be happy for him for being able to have friends, just like he was happy for her to have them (so long as they weren't bullying or, possibly, dating her). As far as he was concerned, Sonora had – for both of them – been a change from the usual way they were used to being treated, only she seemed to be implying that everything positive that happened to him was somehow an insult to her, or something that made him One Of Them. “ I... I don't understand how you think that makes me mean and insensitive. But if it hurt you, then I'm sorry because I really didn't mean it to come across how it obviously did to you.

“And I've always thought of you as my friend. I... I'm kind of upset that you don't think I'm yours,” Michael didn't really like talking about his feelings much but this seemed one of those occasions where it was going to be necessary. And it did hurt that Brianna wouldn't count him as a friend. He always said 'hi' to her and passed a few words if he saw her outside of class. He tried to think about whether they'd ever really done much else but then that seemed silly because he didn't really do that many social things. “I don't tend to be that social out of class, except with my housemates. I can unwind in the commons. Or I take quiet time where I aim to be by myself in the gardens or the library. If I run into people I like then that's good but I don't really arrange to do things. And I don't do meals, so for me class time is the main way I socialise with people outside of my house. But if you want to arrange to go for walks and things, I'd like that. I'm just not good at asking. I... have you been feeling this way, like I don't even really like you, for four years?” he asked, guilt tinged with disbelief flooding him. “How...?” he wasn't even sure what he wanted to ask. How had she not exploded by now seemed like one option. How had she come to that conclusion still seemed like a possibility. He tried to think back. He felt he had given her as much indication as he needed to that he enjoyed her company but now replaying it his mind was filled with doubts. He shook his head to dismiss the unfinished question. He still felt like there was something he needed to say or ask but he had no idea what it was.

13 Michael Grosvenor Stranger things have happened 199 Michael Grosvenor 0 5

Brianna

November 27, 2012 8:39 PM

Maybe, maybe not. by Brianna

Brianna said nothing. It was clear that no matter what she said to him, he just wouldn’t understand. This was why she didn’t talk to people and tell them how she felt. She was always going to be wrong or stupid for thinking and feeling the way that she did. He might claim to not have been doing what she said he was, but from her eyes and she was fairly certain that Josh felt the same way, Michael was parading her around and holding on to her like she was his trophy. Josh had said as much of them being on a date as Brianna had thought it. He can claim it however he wanted to, but she knew the truth.

“I already told you,” Brianna said flatly, “Josh felt sorry for me because no one would ask me to go so he came along with me.” And it had been true. No one had thought of her. No one had thought to ask her. They simply showed up with all the pretty girls to remind her that she would always be ugly and not worth their time. But Michael being one of them would never possibly admit to that. He liked to believe he was one of the good ones.

Brianna knew she was withdrawing from him now. The moment he started to deny everything and deny her the feelings that she expressed, she knew that she was closing herself off. She didn’t really believe his apologies. No one ever really meant them.

She shrugged when he asked if she had always felt this way about their lack of friendship. It’s how she felt about everyone. She never really spoke to anyone, unless they had to be partners in class. No one asked for her to hang out. No one went out of their way to approach her or sit with her during meal times. No one knew her. Except for maybe Josh now. She told him things even if he said nothing back. She knew they weren’t friends, but it had felt nice confiding in someone.

“I don’t have friends.” She stated after a moment. That was honestly how she felt. “I grew up watching the other kids together. I know what friends look like. I’ve seen them together. They hang out, laugh a lot, and tell each other things.” Feeling the hurt all over again. “No one talks to me unless I’m their only option for a class partner. No one has ever asked if I wanted to hang out or if I wanted to eat with them. No one asks about me. Josh is the only person who doesn’t seem to mind me being around.” Brianna admitted. “You might think he’s a bad guy, but he’s the only person who doesn’t make me feel like I’m a waste of their time.” Maybe Michael really thought they were friends, but Brianna didn’t. They never talked or did the things she thought friends did. He clearly did that with people in his house. Those were his friends.

0 Brianna Maybe, maybe not. 0 Brianna 0 5

Michael Grosvenor

December 07, 2012 12:27 PM

Eeny meanie miney mo... by Michael Grosvenor

The way events seemed to have played out in Brianna's head was certainly different to that in Michael's. He actively chose to work with her in classes. Sure, that attention was split between her and other people but just because she wasn't his one and only friend didn't make her not his friend. He trusted her if he needed someone to talk to, although he tended mostly not to talk about his feelings. He'd thought she felt the same way and he'd tried to avoid being nosy. He sent her a card and, if he remembered to buy them, something chocolate-based at Christmas.

“I treat you the same as any of my other friends,” he informed her, “Maybe I spend slightly more time with those in my house cos, like I said, that's where I tend to be in the evenings unless I want to be by myself. But as for everything else... I treat you the same as Mellie or Valerie or anyone else I regard as a friend. So... I don't really know what to do if that doesn't get the message across. But if you want to hang out, then ask me. It works both ways. You've never asked me to spend any time with you either. I've never taken offence at that or thought it meant we weren't friends but if it's what makes it a friendship to you, then why not do it?” he asked. “And, if it's cos you didn't think I'd want to,” he added, pre-empting Brianna's answer a little. “Well... now you know that I do.”

His stomach twisted a little as she mentioned him thinking ill of Josh. He... ok, if he was honest, he wasn't one hundred percent signed up to the fan club. But he trusted Brianna's judgement. Or he had until five minutes ago, when it had become apparent that her view of the world was.... significantly different to his. He hoped she was right on that though. If anything, she appeared to be over-sensitive to finding evidence of people being unkind or disliking her. Josh would probably have to be being really over the top nice for it to have sunk in, especially over such a short period. After all, apparently four and a half years of being generally positive counted for nothing.

“Look, I do believe you now – about Josh. And I'm glad you're friends with him cos it obviously means a lot to you. But, if I didn't like you or care about you at all, why would I have bothered to ask you to meet up and to check on it? I do care about your feelings. I wanted to look out for you,” he explained, feeling like he had found some actual solid evidence on the matter.

13 Michael Grosvenor Eeny meanie miney mo... 199 Michael Grosvenor 0 5

Brianna

December 08, 2012 1:59 PM

Catch a Tiger by its toe by Brianna

Brianna was getting the feeling again that Michael was blaming her for her feelings again and making her feel like she was wrong to have them. How did he expect her to know the difference of how he treats people while they were in class? It wasn’t like she sat there staring at him and watching him interact with their classmates. She had no idea how he was with anyone else, other than with Eris since he made sure to flash her around at the party. The only thing that Brianna knew was that sometimes Michael would work with her during lessons. It wasn’t often. Yes, he was nice to her, but she figured he was nice to everyone. There was no way for her to know that because he worked with her or said hello every now and again meant that they were friends.

And then he was throwing her words in her face and demanding her to explain why she had never asked to hang out. He either hadn’t been listening or really just didn’t care to understand her. Her whole life she had been told by her peers that no one wanted her around. She was ugly and stupid and having her around upset people. Brianna wasn’t going to force her presence on people if they really didn’t want her around. If Josh showed anything negative about her eating with him, she wouldn’t eat with him anymore. That was how she worked. Since no one asked Brianna to hang out, she assumed it was because they didn’t want her around, so she wasn’t going to ask them. But, of course, why would Michael ever consider that? He apparently was friends with everyone, but only those in his house were special. And since Brianna knew that Lawrence wasn’t speaking to anyone who wasn’t a Pureblood, Brianna was certain that it meant that the Teppenpaw he was spending his time with was Eris.

“Ok.” She said after he was done speaking. She had no idea what he expected her to say. She still felt like they weren’t friends. She couldn’t really feel like working on a spell together and being nice constituted as such because if that were the case, she’d be friends with everyone she had ever worked with. “But how was I supposed to know that because you work with me in class that makes us friends? I work with a lot of people in classes, we’re nice to each other, but then we go our separate ways. Isn’t that how it was with us too?” She asked him. “It’s not like I know how you are with other people you partner with. I don’t think it’s fair for you to just assume that I would know that and figure out it means friends and I don’t know how you are outside of class to know that you aren’t social with people other than Eris.” She stated, a little angry again. She wasn’t a Seer and he couldn’t expect her to be one.

“I was told that no one likes having me around, so I don’t ask people to hang out because I don’t want to be a bother to them.” She told him, looking at the ground. “I figure, if they really wanted me around, then they will ask. No one has, so, it must be true.” He said that he wanted to hang out with her, but she wasn’t sure how true that was. He seemed most comfortable around people in his commons and wanted to be alone everywhere else. She probably wasn’t going to ask him to take time away from any of that.

She was tempted to say that the reason he wanted to check up on Josh was to try to get Brianna to be forever alone because that’s how people were with her. She tried to make a friend and then they turned their back on her. But she didn’t say it. It would probably just make him mad anyway. Brianna was tired. Things between her and Michael were never going to be the same as before and she was sure that he wouldn’t want to work with her in classes anymore. Or maybe she would end up being the one who did the avoiding. It was hard to say at this point. “Okay.” She said again, still at a loss as to what he wanted to hear from her. Great, he cared. She knew she should feel happy about it, but it only made her feel sad. He didn’t seem to care when it matter, like when she had her panic attack or even telling him about it now. Apparently, it only mattered with regards to the people she ate lunch with.

“I have to go now, Michael. I have homework to do.” There really wasn’t anything else for her to say and she felt like this conversation had destroyed everything between them, which wasn’t much to begin with. “I’ll see you in class.” Brianna turned and headed, once more, back towards the exits of the Labyrinth.

0 Brianna Catch a Tiger by its toe 0 Brianna 0 5